Today is my Saturday. I went to PC unintentionally just to eat Wild Oat's salad bar up here. Wise choice. I ate outside in the sun. Feeling good. Going to check out a new boutique up here. The drive alone is very meditating.

~Smobergirl

Beware the Ides of March!

Or should I say beware the ides of wine bars? Sadly, I can't go to my favorite haunts anymore. I'm sure AA recommends that. I tried going to one last night and freaked out after 40 minutes. I need to admit that I'm not as strong as I think I am. I also ran into the girl dating someone I used to like. That was a good lesson. And I'm not chopped liver either. It's really silly to get blotto over anything. It's a temporary fix, and you usually feel worse afterwards. At least I do. And I focus on me now, not guys who didn't like me romantically.

Healthy food today: A bowl of quinoa, pesto, and red pepper flake; and a sliced Persian cucumber with cayenne salt. I still make and enjoy my own cold pressed iced coffee. I'm bringing a bottle of kombucha to work today. Then I need to find a nightly meeting.

~Smobergirl

I also learned a lesson today. I'm not crazy. There are loads of alkies who want to so desperately stop but can't. Like my friend I called today, he said he's been in AA since 2001 but only has a year and a little sober. I came in with the idea that everyone in AA just stayed sober like a light switch. How's that for crazy thinking? He told me it's none of my business what others think of me, and they may or may not understand. I just need to let go. What else is cool as heck are pets. I curled up on my Love Sac this morning just wanting the earth to swallow me whole. Then kitty, who hasn't done this in years, crawled up and slept in the crook of my knees. My stress level went from paranoid to relaxed in 6 seconds. They know.

I can't do it. I'm the girl with all these brilliant ideas and I can't follow through. I will tell you this, being a vegetarian, especially a vegan or a flexitarian really worked for me. I felt happier and had a ton of energy. It may not be for everyone, but it's good mdicine for me. Now I have just this one more hurdle. My mind is very manipulating. I always want those two glasses of wine. But it's never two. I am too lonely and scared that I just go ape on the vino. I have a theory on the bi-polar behavior: My contraception. This has happened one time before when I drank wine on the pill. Called my boyfriend at the time who was at a female friends' house and cried. Now I'm on Depo but maybe this is the same deal. I get hormone overload and have violent mood swings. That and I let go of stuff I bottle up. My AA bud just called and I feel 85% better. I am getting my butt into the program again, and I got another yoga monthly pass at this closer place by me. So I'll be doing 90 in 90 meetings, but maybe 30 in 90 yoga classes. I got that Jillian Michaels DVD three days ago and my triceps still hurt! lol

Thanks again for reading and your support.

~Smobergirl

Grrrrr!

I just did Jillian Michaels' (The Biggest Loser trainer) "Yoga Meltdown" for the second day in a row. Feeling pret-ty sore and tight. Endorphins are up. I'm eating amaranth cereal with freshly cut pineapple and orange. There is nothing like feeling healthy. The benefits are definitely there. One, I feel awesome. Two, I've lost some 'bra fat' under my armpits, and my jeans are looser. Since my class has been reading Michael Pollan's "In Defence Of Food", I have really cut down on the dairy and I'm pickier where I eat out, and I've been making lots of watercress and butter leaf salads. I also got Jillian Michaels' Kick Start supplements last week, so that may be helping also. Now, you know I'm a big natural medicine buff and shy away from corporate fad supplements, but I trust her, and decided to try it. It's only a two-week system with probiotics, a fat burner, and a cleanser. I'm not feeling anything weird, yet.

Good times today. I'm going to pick up a Leonard Cohen song for my guitar, take my lesson, hen get a massage! Woot.

Make it a great Friday!

~Smobergirl

Yoga Day one.

I tried out a new studio this morning that's really close to my place, and it was great! There were about six other girls in the class, and they were all really cool. I got a monthly unlimited pass which is only $40 for newbies, bonus. Lunch was relatively healthy. I grilled up asparagus, sauteed brussels sprouts, made a watercress salad, and some crostinis with fontina and proscuitto. I'm giving in to salty cravings now, but eating as many greens as I can. I's all about balance.

Stuff REALLY came out.

Good goodness. That's LOL all I can say. I seem to cry in the bath a lot for some reason. My old station was swimming in my head, and I freaked out for 10 minutes, but I'm fine and relaxed now. I am learning so much from this journey. I mean my outlook on life is so much better than it was in August. I just wasn't lucky or right for that job. But I'm cool as hell, passionate, talented, and I learned today that being kind is better than anything else in the world. I helped a local band today hopefully get a gig and offered to emcee a benefit they are doing. Maybe I'm supposed to be a bum so I can help these bands. I love having a flexible schedule! And helping people out is better than getting any rock star wages. I kept thinking that I worked for nothing because I made peanuts when my fans thought I was getting rich, but I don't care anymore.

Okay I wanted to get that out. I made a great snack of baked sweet potato slices.

~Smobergirl