Had a crazy my-brain-hurts type o day. Session with Vinca dug up my childhood. THAT'S always fun. It's supposed to make me feel better but it made me tired and head-achey. Feel better with pizza in front of me. Then maybe paint and bed.

I wasn't being sarcastic. Antabuse is saving my ass. I do feel like two different people. At night, and it's only about once a week now, the party animal/lonely wino/demon whatever you call it comes out. And nowadays in the morning I thank my lucky stars not only that I didn't give in but couldn't, unless I wanted to get insanely ill. More appropriately I'd call it the issue monster. It's all in my brain and I need to be more realistic sometimes. My "issues" are loneliness, regret, not feeling good enough, and looks mostly. Not enough to get my granny panties all up in a wad. I look fine, we all make mistakes, being single has fabulous benefits, and I am good enough strong enough and dog gone it people like me. Also I wouldn't be weight lifting and painting my ass off if I was drinking, and those outlets are greatly relieving my stress. Lesson #1: If you quit any long term habit and god forbid two at the same time, you probably will go a little nuts for a while. Lesson # 2: Exercise, throwing tantrums, eating mood-boosting fruits and calming foods like pistachios and avocados, maybe not O.D.ing on iced coffee so much, and getting a hobby seriously help on the rollercoaster ride.

Love,

Smobergirl

love this drug! I also love these text posts. Did I tell you already? But I felt groggy this morning and a little irritable. Then I made my green shake with strawberries this time. Pretty good. The "green" was farmer's market kale, mint from my planter, and mustard greens also from the farmer's mkt. Hopefully that will kick in soon and I'll feel like Wonder Woman. For now it's iced coffee and XM Radio 80. That's the techno channel. Oh there is somewhat good news. I may show my "dessert" art to the local bakery I get my precious iced coffees with the coffee ice cubes. That would be spectacular. They get a ton of business. Keeping fingers crossed. Which reminds me I need to get some gold leaf.

Enjoy the warm day~

Smobergirl

P.S. 50 days smober and sober

Not feeling too peachy nor keen this morning.

Woke up from a weird dream. I was on reality TV and I don't want to talk about it. Furthermore, I had the third bad crave in three weeks. I just wanted to throw it all away and wine up. But of course I literally couldn't and I painted more art instead. Thank God! I l

Catch up.

Stupid texts. Okay. I had a birthday. I'll be 40 in a year and I'm actually cool about it and thankful I have good genes and quitting the bad stuff before I do look potentially shitty. I got spoiled. I ate a lot. I bought lots of expensive fizzy water and tonic. Vinca wants me to make a shake every morning for breakfast, which I do like. It's basically a green drink with weird seeds and root powder and stuff. Sometimes I'll think I'll starve early but I don't, and I do have an iced coffee after it. I don't know if that's cheating. Green shake has to include:

Maca powder~Chock full of 60 phyto-nutrients or so

Chia seeds~ Yes the same ones you see on Chia Pets. Turns into a gel in your gut slowing down the process of carbs turning into sugar. It's supposed to be really healthy....

Kale

Collards

Fruit

Hemp

Flax

Goji berries and other dried super berries

Water or coconut water or home made almond milk

NO spinach! Apparently it robs minerals (I'm not buying that but okay Vinca)

NO soy milk! It will mess with my hormones, and we don't want that do we?

I make it pretty tasty. If you put in orange or lemon it takes away the nasty green flavor. And maca tastes like malt kind of, which I like.

The asparagus up there is local and is so much tastier than the conventional stuff.

I'm painting up a storm and put most of my stuff up on facebook. Feeling pretty good. I'm actually being creative for once in years.

I am going up to PC tomorrow to see the parade with my bro and his fiance. Bloody Marys at 9 am. Make mine a virgin! (Note: Tomatoes and tomato products are proven to reduce sun burning. I saw it on Dr. Oz.)

~Smobergirl

Well dammit. I'm just going home to finish this long-awaited post. Screw testing, I mean texting.

XM Radio is trying to cheer me up. I need t