Had huevos with red pepper salsa. Vitamin c and b. B good for stress. Feel good besides the sad part.

But I ain't boozing or smoking. 200 days. Woot.

I'm just so sad, lonely, weather not helping today.

Okay I need to get over that. I screwed up. Can't
turn back clock. Not putting bag over head. :)

Gah when someone mentions my old work I feel guilty and sick all day. Shoot me.

Day 200!

Yay. Over halfway to one year too. Doing well. Bandit obviously still loves the fountain. Don't be scared by slimy red thing on bread, it's only a roasted pepper. I just have odd feelings about Smokey's bod being in my freezer but it's only two more days. I am a big believer that it is only his body, and his soul is in kitty heaven. Boy do I miss him though of course. I guess I have been suppressing some feelings. But would it make it better if I freaked out? If I rushed him to the vet one more time when he was just lying all glazy-eyed two days ago would he had made it much longer? I don't want to be a what-iffer. Right now I am being accepting. It doesn't mean it hurts any less. Bandit is here for moral support. Yeah I painted that cherry. I have two potential art showings coming up but I may have to make a duplicate of that one. It looks too good in my living room. ;)

I am not drinking. Yeah.....Antabuse is preventing that, but I went to a lovely event tonight with a good friend who knows I quit drinking, so I could not do it in front of her if I wasn't taking the drug anyway. In fact, a lot of people know about my sobriety now. It's cool actually. More people are accepting it than I thought. So this gig we went to, and I found a solution to buying pretty clothes on the cheap, was a fashion show at Beehive Tearoom put on by vintage shop Misc. (200 E. 272 S. downtown SLC) and we got these smokin' robes. Like? I encourage you to partake in Holiday Stroll tomorrow night from 6-9 pm. and check out the shop as well as the stores on 300 South that night. Art Access on 500 West and 230 South will also have the Chow Truck handy. www.chowtruck.com and www.accessart.org

I made a bruschetta with a roasted red pepper slice (Courtesy of the Vegas Trader Joe's. Thanks Mom!) for a snack today. Breakfast was oatmeal and Teechino. Then at Beehive oh I am not the role model today! Two scones with jam, six baby tea sandwiches laden with cream cheese, 1 1/2 shortbreads and a bite of this chocolate mousse cake. Oh and a lot of tea. At least that's healthy. I think my 'time O'month' is coming back. It's been over a month since I've been off the Depo. I sure wanted copious amounts of sugar. There was a table with a wine bottle spread, and yeah it sure looked good, but I wasn't hurting at all. The tea was plenty satisfying, and the robe and a belt purchase. Let me pimp Misc. some more. The prices are dirt dirt dirty cheap! And the clothes are stinkin cute. My robe still has the Vanity Fair label in it. And all the clothes looked like they were from the 40s-60s. I didn't really appreciate the shop until I went to the fashion show. Some of my friends were in it too. It was a fun night. Got my mind off of the Smokester for a while. Well, burial time is Saturday at noon. It should be very nice. It will probably be right by a tree. In the meantime go get yourself a nice velour robe. They're $20, that's a bottle of wine right there. And I get to keep it, it doesn't go wasted. Ha ha, wasted.


Day 200
Smobergirl

Smokey the cat 1995-2010

My oldest died yesterday. He was about 15, went in his sleep, and we even had a peaceful but teary moment together before he went, by the bed on a blanket. He was immoveable and glassy eyed all day and I could had rushed him to the vet, but I let him lay in his familiar surroundings. It is so unfair to beat yourself up. He was a sweet, well behaved cat. Well there was the carpet-peeing thing, however he was the sweetest. Two days ago he was walking around, peered in the bath tub when I was in it, and hung out on the sofa with me so we could watch Bitchin' Kitchen together. The Utah mountain earth where I will bury him (my father's back yard) is frozen, by Saturday there will be a hole waiting for him. So, I pulled a Rubin and Ed and put him in the freezer. Don't worry, he's all bundled up in the blanket with mini calla lily flowers, in a REI boot box, wrapped in plastic. It kills me, then I think it's just his body and hopefully his soul is in kitty heaven playing with my other old cat Aphrodite. It was actually beautiful the way he passed. We had our moment. I pet him for an hour and cried, and his eyes actually started watering. Then I made some lunch, came back and he was gone. Ten minutes or so later The Bandit was chirping at a robin on my balcony, which I never see, and then it flew away. Smokey had a great, comfortable life. In his last few years he became scrawny and weak, as old people get. He got old and frail. He shrunk, so to speak. He was always a sweet, mellow cat. In the last few weeks we had "slumber parties" in the bedroom, which he hardly left. He ate, slept, and did his business there. I had a nice set up with a litter box, food, water, and more blankeys than you could shake a stick at. I kinda miss it. Bandit is doing great, hasn't looked for Smokey, and I'm glad he's here for moral support.


And I'm not drinking or smoking. I am eating more 'comfort foods' like dumplings, pasta, soups, bread, and frozen coconut desserts. Note to self: I don't think I'll eat anything frozen for a while or get ice until Smokey is out of the freezer. I had a bit of a tough time today making iced coffee and occasionally getting into Nada Moo Mint Chocolate Chip. The cool thing is, I'm keeping the portion sizes moderate. I think I want to pig out, then I just don't. Oh and I'm making kale or butter lettuce salads, so I feel pretty responsible still on the eating front. Taking the maca capsules help too.

Day 199
Smobergirl