Mucho mejor

A week later I'm still seeing my friend on a romantic basis. I feel tons better since my last post. I did yoga, breathing exercises, and meditated every day. BUT, I have a Sunday dinner post-Thanksgiving hangover from my dad's and step-mother's. I need to be more mindful of my diet. Earlier yesterday I made one of my favorite salads from Sarma Melngailis' book, the "Fix Me" salad. It's kale, pumpkin seeds, and pumpkin oil which I added cracked sea salt. I really want to keep my diet clean.

The man is great, and I'm learning more about myself, mainly how I need to chill out. ;-)

Long time no blog

Well let me catch ya up. I haven't relapsed since, and a miracle of sorts happened. My friend of two years who I really liked called. We then actually made out straight all weekend. Then, sigh, I got a depo shot and that day I snapped at him for a petty situation. I got off Depo Provera for multiple reasons remember? I thought I'd up the maca intake and things would be better. I haven't snapped or felt hormonal since. Perhaps it was an initial shock. This blog is about mood so I thought I'd pass that along to you. Well, he's been more distant, occasionally texting, and we are supposed to hang out tonight. Maybe he was busy with his family for the holidays and it means nothing. Yoga has definitely calmed my mind and accepted most any outcomes. Oh the miracle part? He told me everything I wanted to hear and then some that made me feel much better about my life. Also I learned that I beat myself up way way waaaaay too much. He is a great guy. However it also made me think that I don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy right now. I'll keep you posted. I love myself. I love my own schedule. I love working out every day and eating right and having time for my goals. So I had a lot of time to think. Life is good if not better. Also I can't believe that ten smober days have already flown by.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 557/10

Relapse

This time I am not joking. It happened last night. I made it for a year and a half. The world is also not going to end like I thought it would two hours ago. I just talked to a very good friend who made it all better, and actually made my life better. He's someone whom I've had a very interesting friendship with for about two years. And when I say interesting I mean a little awkward. See, we really really like each other, we just didn't show it, until tonight. However we are not going to necessarily try to make anything happen. He's a friend of Bill's and he's struggling too. I was also scared of being in a relationship with him but I really, really like the guy. He's hot, he can cook, he's witty, he cracks me up...and we've been going to dinner and movies for over a year and nothing happened! So weird. He even made me dinner once and rented a movie at his place and no makeout session! What? But tonight we got it all out. It was amazing. My life has actually improved by relapsing. I don't want to do it again! But some sort of miracle happened. You had to be there. And he told me it wasn't the end of the world. He walked me through how shitty I'd feel today and tomorrow, then I'd be back to normal in no time. Also he said that no one is going to care as much as I do so don't worry so much. The talk about us too was like foreplay. Heck the last year has been foreplay. Awkward, disappointing foreplay but now we're on the same page, even though we may never make out. We'll just see what happens. At least the awkwardness is gone! Well, most of it at least. :-) Life also isn't fair. I just started this 365 days why being single is better blog and I get three date proposals in one week. My friend (well kinda a date), another friend who may like me more whom I just like as a friend, and match.com guy whom I'm trying to feel out. And now I just want to be with my friend who I talked to tonight (first man mentioned). I am a living Murphy's Law.

So here we are. Do I start at day 1 again? Should I count? I'll tell you this, being smober for 18 months changed my life. I was filming today and had to run to my car. After sprinting across a courtyard, down and up two flights of stairs and back, my heart did not race. I wasn't panting. I didn't turn red. Something is said for not putting toxins in your body. Even after last night I felt super-human. It's changed my life. I have lost 30 pounds now. The year and 1/2 has been filled with good karma and just kept getting better.

I have now discovered the art of phone calls. They can save me, and my boy friend (notice I didn't say boyfriend) wants me to call him always. Do you know how long it has been since I've bonded with someone like that? Now I'm crying. This is a special person, and we have so much in common. Yeah the depressants are making me all emotional, but we need love in our lives, any kind.

Love,

Smobergirl

You are your emotion master.

I caught myself not one, but two times today starting to wad up my panties. Then I got the stuff out and meditated. It's just stuff. My stuff. I am a firm believer in coincidence and things happening for a reason, and I needed to learn this lesson today. I'm glad those scenarios happened. 1, ran into neighbors with baby when I was walking Bandit (bad timing, cat and baby no mix) and 2 ran into an old fling on match.com (dated him during my heavy wino days. No es bueno) But I breathed and cried and now I'm done! I cleansed myself. LOL. What am I doing on Match? Oh yeah, my new BFF was having a good time on it so I gave it another shot. I'm not sure, I may cancel again. I think I may. Dunno.

I think I'm eating too much sugar again. Yeah yeah. Blame that on the holidays. So to balance my emotions out I ate pretty great today. Iced jasmine tea and eggs florentine w/o the hollandaise. Lunch was warm quinoa with chili olive oil, cracked weird black Hawaiian salt and pepper; and a beautiful (really was) butter leaf salad with avocado and pomegranate seeds. I made it. Hold your applause.

It's Sunday, I should be relaxing. I'm going to take a hot bath now with a bath bomb I spent with wine and cig money. It's a better trade off fer sure dude. However I am going to start appreciating what I do have again, and let you know of those pay offs as well.

Love,

Smobergirl

Laughter and being a bit dirty.

Sometimes I don't want to be a polite person. I also always thought I was funny, even though not every one in my life has agreed with me. I started a blog about funny things to be proud of (or not) being single and some things are a bit rude. But that's the director in me. Everyone wants to be one! So, I'm not jaded or bitter (maybe still lonely) so I thought it would help my friends, single and coupled, get a laugh. I feel like I have a split personality but I think it's a good outlet for me to vent. http://www.singlemobettah.blogspot.com

I'm still smober and eat healthy, I just eat the cashew butter out of the jar sometimes. With chocolate chips poured in the jar. And  I don't feel bad one bit.

Smobergirl

Day 544 and 18 months coming!

Something's fishy, smelly, and delicious. It's me!

I need to do the detective work. I made Giada's fish sticks (it's been a while) and not as delicious as before. Actually they reminded me of an old grandma's old-fashioned salmon or a diner restaurant attached to a gas station ho hum salmon. It's hard to describe but I hope you get my gist. The crust and dips were phenominal, I just didn't like the fish. It didn't taste overcooked but the flavor was stinky and not in a good way. My favorite salmon is from Aquarius and it ain't from there. Lesson learned.

Then I had this fabulous bay shrimp salad. It's a must to pair bay shrimp with avocado. Delicious. I don't know why I don't get bay shrimps more often. The greens were from a farmer's market. Yum! I made a dressing of hazelnut oil, champagne vinegar, and lemon juice.

Speaking of fabulous, this fishy business all started Wednesday night when I decided to stop by Market Street Grill from PCTV to home and get some goodies. I also picked up an Alaskan crab leg (half the price of a nightly binge and slightly more than a pack of Nat Sherman's) that was the length of my arm. Like I said, WHY DON'T I DO THIS MORE OFTEN??? Bandit is also the luckiest kitty on the planet. They do bay shrimp and crab legs very well, I just wasn't impressed by the salmon. Maybe I waited too long?

Either way it was a fun week in healthy seafood.

Now that I have been smelling good (not talking about the salmon) for almost a year and 1/2 (talkin' about no smokey) I got Jo Malone's Orange Blossom perfume last winter, and today I got the new Angel Eau De Toilette, which is not as strong as the anise smelling Angel Eau De Parfum. My friend works at the Chanel counter at Nordstrom (oh to have friends in high places) so when they have an event I have to support her! :) I got some makeup and Angel. The latter has more bergamot (citrusy) so that's extremely mood-improving! I understand that essential oils by themselves may be healthier, but I'm not going to be stingy this time. I took my new BFF (my dental hygienist) and we had a fun girly time. I am so grateful to have a friend who gets me out of the house. On top of that, her friend who I know....from somewhere.....just asked me out to coffee. My new buddy is also on Match.com which inspired me to go back and I have another date lined up. Two dates in one week. Taking risks, being social, meeting guys. Life is good. Karma. Life really hasn't been better.

Love,

Smobergirl
Day 537

FIRE!

I just had a fierce craving. I know I said, "I can never go back there" before but it's not true tonight. I was upset about something about the new job (feeling like an idiot, mostly) and I just wanted to sedate myself tonight in vino and lots of it. Then I thought of the consequences, for one I have to be on the show tomorrow. Then I was watching Bitchin' Kitchen, a funny, sassy, cooking show on Cooking Channel. Each show has a theme, and this one was getting your anger put out by spicy foods. I can dig that. The host explained that the body thinks something is wrong when you eat an extremely spicy pepper, so the dopamine kicks in like CRAZY to make you feel better. So I heated up an Este pizza slice with a 1/4 diced scotch bonnet, no seeds. WOAH. It worked, and it was tasty. Brain feels goooooooood. Then I had another with Rico's guac/pico de gallo mix. I think this also calls for a spoonful of peanut butter and chocolate chips when a new Dexter episode comes on at 7. Speaking of TV and karma what came on after BK was a biography ('Chefography') of a TV host who got crazy with alcohol, and his father whom he hardly saw was an alcoloic and died when the host was 10. Then he went to a rehab in a beautiful space and realised how lucky it was to be alive. Then he went back to drinking, then was on and off "in limbo" so to speak. Then he met his girlfriend and tried to explain it to her but she didn't understand. He catered to Coachella (sponsored by Absolut) and partied. He had a wakeup call and never touched alcohol again after being offered a drink on the plane back. When he sobered up, he got the job at Cooking Channel. Karma. For the record he still is with his girlfriend. Thanks Chuck!

Also speaking of last farmer's markets, the last Wheeler Farm one was today and I took my new BFF, my dental hygienist. We stocked up on popcorn, greens, cilantro, grapes, and these crazy long radishes that look like carrots. We had a huge breakfast. My mind sticks sometimes and I found out that Brazil nuts and lutein in egg yolks are great for memory. I have the former and the latter I had yesterday and this morning. I also had their oat pancakes. I made an acorn squash and it's seeds for lunch. So delicious. I made one half with cinnamon, honey, smoked salt flakes, fresh mint leaves, and olive oil. Oh My God.

I was paranoid to dress up on camera tomorrow because my co-host is afraid to wear a costume in front of a Democrat he's interviewing. "He's a democrat!" I exclaimed. I don't think I convinced him. Hey, I calmed down, it's Halloween, sexy wolf is coming out.

Okay now my habenero brain feels greater than any drunken one would had done. Happy vs. angry. Happy=gooooooooood.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 500-something awesome!