Actually it's 3:22. I fell again 2 nights ago. I made another enemy perhaps, drinking. I've been on quitnet.com all day. I told a few friends and one is taking me to a meeting this weekend. I'm afraid. I'm sad. I've been eating like crap too. I did make a pineapple cilantro shake this morning however. I had an IM chat with a friend in MD I met on Quitnet, a text chat with an AA friend, and others. I thought today it's just so easy to stop and change my life around again. Then why is it so hard? Also the second Hunger Games book kept me up. Not a book to read late. I had a hard time putting it down.
Since I'm hitting bottom again, and I'm getting my teeth whitened tomorrow, it may be easier to stay quit. Anyone out there have a new game plan? Other than my slip and bad eating today, (and yesterday) I lost eight more pounds. I feel great in my clothes, and I am grateful for all that I have. The new mall is not helping, but I am grateful. I have everything that I need. I am a pretty girl, intelligent, creative, giving, and a loving being. The alcohol just uncorks what I've been bottling up. I need to be thankful for everything I have. I am not happily married. I don't have someone to come home to. However I have more friends and family love than I realize. Why am I looking past that? I just sold a painting to a friend. People ooh and ahh over my art online. A friend called last week to go to a movie who just came back from CA. I'll be going to the symphony and opera with friends soon. I'm going to lunch with another buddy tomorrow if I can get to sleep!
I'll say it again. This kind of cheap thrill is not worth the damage, guilt, shame, and trouble I give to my body. Do I need to paste "My body is a temple" all over the home? Maybe.
Smobergirl
Day one.
