Great morning!

It snowed again, which I love. I have a yoga class this afternoon, then Sunday TV, and maybe a local show. The symphony last night was amazing. The guest vioninist was killer and the new conducter was so animated. I'm having an OJ, asparagus and egg sandwich, and salad for brunch.

Good morning! I went ice skating yesterday instead of yogalates. It was a blast actually. It's great for your thighs and butt. Then I did some Fit Yoga on a DVD. The station even was packed and very fun, but I skipped out early and was in bed by 11. Woke up at 6 wide awake and I wish I didn't go back to sleep because I woke up again at 9:30 all groggy. I went to the Caputo's indoor farmer's market and got more spicy hummus and wild mushrooms. And a huge iced coffee. Time for breakfast and I'll walk the treadmill today and do more home yoga. I'll plan to go to a yoga class tomorrow. I have a singles music cultural thing tonight which is always fun. Symphony and sushi. Woot.

Joy.

I feel good. I know the demon may sneak up on me again, but I want to say I know better now. I mean, it's night and day, you just gotta have faith~George Michael. If I'm sober, I have more energy, I can breathe, I'm more interested in life. If I drink and smoke, everything's a downer. I feel guilt, embarrassment, weakness, like I'm not in the world. Night and day. My alkie bloat has gone down so much, I told you my bra size went down in two weeks and I can wear size small shirts again. I am going to have a terrific day. Lesson, yoga, and a station event. Okay I need a big shower. I ate a chunk of parmesan last night and I can smell it through my skin! It was good while it lasted though.

~Smobergirl

It's almost February!

30 yoga classes, 60 to go. I'm going to give my shot at yogalates today. Insomnia has been with me all week, but I got 7 hours in last night even though it was from 3am-10am. I had new potatoes and tofu scramble today, not a lot of it, and an iced coffee. I made green goddess tea in my Hourglass last night and put it in the fridge.

My French Rosetta Stone came today! I am going to practice guitar now, I have my lesson this afternoon.

~Smobergirl

Rough night.

I finally went to sleep at 1 am to wake up at 3, then again at 6, and finally got out of bed at 10. I am now watching The Good The Bad and The Ugly. I've never seen it. Westerns aren't my forte, but I'm giving it a shot. My eyeballs are tired. Made a European breakfast of melted mozzerella and a tomato slice on ciabatta. I also had blackberries and pineapple sprinkled with ground flax seeds. Oh no an innocent father and boy are shot! Pretty gritty for a 60's movie. The soundtrack is brilliant so far. Lee Van Cleef is pretty badass. We even haven't seen Clint Eastwood yet. There is a lot O' shootin' already in this movie. Here's Clint. Oh yeah he's even more badass. Of course. Wow he's pretty hot. This is pretty entertaining. HEY! I forgot that Big Audio Dynamite sampled some lines from this movie in "Medicine Show". This is hardly as boring as I thought it would be.

I still love my reading for my weight management class. I don't think they are really textbooks but recent bestsellers. I still need to finish my owl painting and get started on others.

Life is getting better. The Summer festivals, my mobile DJ gigs, and concerts are being planned and it's nice to be a bit busier. There may be an opening in a local entertainment paper that I am also looking into.

I'll probably get on the treadmill soon, even though I'm still sleepy, and do some yoga at home.

~Smobergirl

Strange breakfast.

After a 20 minute walk on the treadmill, I was craving more if the fingerling potatoes I made "oven fries" into. So I baked them in olive oil, sea salt, and rosemary for 30 minutes on 400. Then I dipped them in corn syrup-free and sugar-free Moroccan catsup and yellow mustard. I read more and more how corn syrup and refined sugar is just in about everything we eat. I also made a salad of butter lettuce, watercress, fennel, yellow tomato, lemon juice, balsamic vinegar, and sea salt. Not your typical breakfast.

Getting stuff done.

My procrastination seems to be dwindling. I played guitar for an hour, read for an hour, worked out for 50 minutes, and made some serious healthy food. I had my token smoothie (today it was pineapple, banana, coconut water ice cubes, pomegranate seeds, and vanilla extract), and a big fat artichoke with Vegenaise and soy butter for lunch. Well it was big and fat. I ate part of it before I took the picture. I'm going to a crepe/coffee shop for dinner and I really want (but don't) to say no cheese. I think every one of their savory crepes has cheese but I'll have to double check. Feta I'd feel okay about, it's the greasy, melty stuff I don't (but kinda do) want. I'll give you a report. ;)

Feeling great, relaxed, and happy today.

~Smobergirl

Stuff came up. Thinking about should haves with old work, but that's just stinkin thinkin. LOL. I am aware what these waves of emotion are now. Treadmill will release some of that. Then I'll practice guitar, do yoga, shower. Sautee mushrooms, steam or grill an artichoke, and have a salad with lemon juice.

Good morning! I'm having brunch of steamed veggies and a nut burger. It's overcast and there are a few snow flurries blowing around. Unlike last semester, I am Aleta anxious to get into my books, two of them are Michael Pollan. I am also practicing a lt more guitar and it makes a huge difference. I had been pussy-footing around since August. Either I am giving myself an extra push, or I am beginning to be interested in life again. I'll do another 20-30 on the treadmill and another yoga DVD, and maybe some weights. I need to finish my owl painting I started this time last year! Have a great Sunday,

Smobergirl

The smiley pic covers up the yoga logo. I did Gaiam's Yoga For Stress today and 30 minutes on the treadmill. My friend who is a Chanel rep had an event at Nordstrom, in fact I think it goes through tomorrow.

I usually don't wear a lot of makeup but it's fun and I like helping her out. Well, I spoiled myself and ate out all day and did the Nordy shopping. I had a raw lunch

at Omar's Living Cuisine, a nice sandwich at Nordstrom, and bass with lentils and brussels sprouts at Cafe Niche.

Sundance and Outdoor Retailers are going on so most of the restaurants were packed, but Niche is kinda my little secret. They have live music every weekend.

Holy crap look who's posing for the camera.

~Smobergirl

Tim, I went to Omar's Raw for lunch and had the curry seaweed roll. For dinner I had an albacore tuna and fresh dill sammy at Nordstrom. Hope that gives you some din din ideas!

Green drink makes me happy!

However I had a tough time st first because I put too much kale in it and it was warm. Ick. So I put more lime juice in and a few ice cubes. Still kaley but better. 20 minutes later I felt energized and a sence of happiness. Drink your veggies kids!

Eating cleaner.

I got an email today about a cleansing company who delivers four juices and a 2-course 90% raw dinner for $85 a day. I happen to have a fridge stocked with fruits and veg and a pantry with nuts and whole grains. I also have fingerling potatoes, salsas, and hummus. I think I'll play around and start juicing and eating cleaner and save some cash, plus I have so much right now! Maybe I'll put my brother's garlic dressing on hold and make salads with lemon juice and pepper. To me, what makes a cleanse successful, is gradually easing into it and not going from burgers one day to water and juice or that maple syrup thing the next.

I haven't craved for a while, and I have two new friends who I can call in case of an emergency. My AA bud who made me upset the other day, well I love him but talking to him isn't working for me right now. I need friends who can be supportive and not judgmental.

Again, I didn't crave iced coffee this morning but drank 5 ounces anyway. I so do that out of habit. Sound familiar? I had granola with soy milk and fresh berries, and a glass of meyer lemon and cucumber water. For lunch I'll either have hummus on romaine leaves or a big salad with a juice of pear, celery, parsely, cucumber, and lime. Incorporating the liquid with the solid. Or just have the juice and add green powder with 1/2 avocado. I have about 4 avos left and they go bad quickly, so I should eat 1/2 to one today. Avocados have a lot of fat, but it's the good momosaturated kind that is great for your skin and hair. And if all you eat is fruits, veg, and grains all day, I mean it is the only fat you are getting, and nuts are a good fat too. Of course moderation is key.

Okay managing my money. I decided to take just one online nutrition class again for my minor. I feel my "ADD" is still bad, and taking care of myself, I'm only going to do what I enjoy and see how that goes. I LOVE this class so far, it's called Weight Management. The books are modern, innovative, and interesting. They are textbooks I am actually excited to read. Instead of a second or more classes I got Rosetta Stone's French. For 12 years I always wanted to learn, and I have friends from Grenoble and they have always spoken English. It's a beautiful language. I can count to 100 and say my name and "chat", but not much else. I'm stoked to get it in the mail!

Well it's shower time. I received today some hemp (huh-huh) products and can't wait to try them. Hemp seed oil is extremely moisturizing and contains about .5% THC, so you'd need to smoke the size of a telephone pole to get a slight buzz.

After shower it's lunch and a guitar lesson. Playing is still a great stress reliever for me.

~Smobergirl

I felt a little nauseous this morning. Better now but sleepy. The weather today is overcast but I love it and I hope it snows today. I had a puffed amaranth cereal with soy milk and fresh berries for breakfast. I didn't crave iced coffee but I made one out of habit. Note to self: listen to my body next time. I got a bag of avid the other day so I will make some kind of guacamole or dip. I'm also craving artichokes and they taste good with Grapeseed Vegenaise. Don't get the regular kind which I find to be not nearly as good. At noon I'm going to yoga.

Pray for snow!

~Smobergirl

Miriacles.

See the blessing in everything. I had a great day today. And I seriously need to chill. Yeah it's 1 am but I can sleep in. I'm reading a class textbook and really enjoying it. "The Omnivore's Dilemma". I was talking to a friend tonight about 2 subjects: Alcohol and self-help. I learned not to worry about either. I told him how it's sad how certain people are addicted to self-help but they aren't any happier, then he said yeah look at you with your Deepak Chopra and Dr. Wayne Dyer. Oops. And I am obsessed worrying about wine all the time. It's like Europeans. They don't obsess over food. America does over health fads but we are a very unhealthy country. I am going to practice the art of chill.

I had a nice snack (maybe a tad too big, but could be worse) of two handfuls of Annie's cheddar bunny crackers, six spiced almonds, and 5 cubes of a heirloom tomato. Feel good though. I made a great salad yesterday with the tomato and butter lettuce. Speaking of obsessions I really love the texture of butter leaf lettuce.

Sooooo, I saw Avatar tonight and I thought it was wonderful. I went in with low expectationss because people were telling me the story was dumb, but I thought it was great. I did agree with everyone that the visuals are absolutely stunning, and definitely see it in 3D.

Oh and my bras fit again! I thought I'd share. I got up to a 37" BUST and after 20 yoga classes, I'm down to a 35. Woo.

Peace, out.

~Smobergirl

Learning more about myself...

...and having a delicious lunch! My mom gave me an Oster Steamer for Christmas that is pretty awesome. I steamed some shrooms, asparagus, and broccoli and put a touch of Trader Joe's Thai Peanut Sauce. Amy's Mac and Soy Cheeze there, which is actually VERY good. Then I had a raw green onion, Persian cuke slices with cayenne salt, and green tomatoes there.

From last night I learned that I have to really chill out. I almost had some kind of panic attack when in reality I have absolutely nothing to worry about. I should had stayed at the show longer. People put me on a pedestal, and if I make any mistake then I put myself right in the gutter. I can't control my personality on alcohol. However that person is not me, and sometimes I don't remember how I act. It's embarrassing.

So in good spirits today. I'm not a moron, I just made some mistakes, and they all come from alcohol. Otherwise I am perfect! ;)

I'm watching the U.S. men's figure skating championships and I'll put that on mute and play with Rico for a while. Then get in some Rodney Yee time, and Golden Globes tonight! I am going to a meeting this evening so I'm recording part of the Globes.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 2

19 days of yoga.

Yoga day 17

Funny my clothes are fitting better, but is it me or no I not look slimmer? I'm blaming it on the stripes and white. Patience, right?

Ate well and vegan today. Went to a local band show and didn't stay. I got all gussied up and a myriad of things made me upset. My "#1" fan half my age was there, a member in the band said he saw one of my angry "my old job sucks" posts on facebook, which of course I did drunk and got rid of it immediately that next morning, and I didn't know anyone else there. I just felt terrible all around, so I went to Wild Grape and had an acorn squash stew, in the acorn squash, talked to my friends who work there who don't think (or know) that I'm crazy. Either that or they are just pretending. But I had a great time there and I am in bed. Like the theme of my blog, I sure hope that cleaning up will make me feel better and it will of course make me a better person. If Robert Downey Jr. could go through what he did and be where he is today, Hell.

~Smobergirl

Day 2

17 days of yoga in a row.

I had a pleasant evening. Earlier I apologized to my old boss and all seems well. That is a huge relief. I am going to be more serious with AA but still doing yoga. Class 16 (I think) today with another face instructor. This one is very zen and dreamy. Power 1 today with lots of inversions. That was his theme this week playing on Utah's inversion. Ha. I learned more about myself: I am the biggest worry wart I know. At gallery stroll I froze when I saw an old co-worker. I could had at least smiled. People are afraid of each other. Silly, but true. But I got all upset and felt bad when I knew that was useless thinking. Stinkin thinkin. Thank you Al Franken. After yoga I had a pleasant dinner at a little place with live music. The one fault most if my friends say I have is being waaaay too hard on myself. I'm pretty good at it. I'm quite the perfectionist, or at least I want to be if you haven't noticed.

Better tonight. 3 liters water. One iced coffee. FABULOUS granola I found at the co-op called Treehugger. Baked sweet potato fries for lunch. Sourdough that was so rustic it was brown with pesto and sauteed mushrooms and polenta for dinner.

Love and bless,

Praying for myself and others,

Smobergirl

Didn't break the record.

I had a good thing going then of all people an AA buddy made me angry. So silly. Then I woke up to find I sent someone a hate email in my blackout. Do I really want to A: keep pissing people off and B: kill myself?

I need to know how to deal with the HALTs: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I am meeting with my sponsor on Sunday. I told her what happened. 17 days was pretty awesome though. Just no more excuses.

~Smobergirl

Inspiration.

I may have witnessed a Baron Baptiste siting! He's the celeb yogi who had the yoga bootcamp in Mexico I went to four years ago. I'm parked outside the Park City Whole Foods and there he is on the phone outside, or so I thought. Either way, it was an inspiration to keep doing what I'm doing and stay focused, even with food. If I crave wine and cigs I will go for Altons spiced almonds or a tea. No more cheese or steak. I've decided (before Baron) to go vegan again. Clean out the bod. Dunno for how long. I had a While Foods salad bar and small vegan split pea soup. Feel great. Need some water now.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Day sixteen.

What is my record, nineteen?

I did AM Yoga Hip Openers then ate a local amaranth cereal from Rico's co-op, which I threw in blueberries and pineapple chunks. One iced coffee, one water. Chin seems to be going down, as well as the belly and my sides. My legs are definitely stronger after over two weeks of lunges! I felt energized this morning, but last night I woke up in the middle of the night bawling my eyes out. Emotional detox is clearly not over. I will be patient.

~Smobergirl

Yoga Day 14.

Express Yoga was great today. I sweat a little in the 45 minute class.

I ate well, made those danged spiced almonds again. They are perfectly healthy, they are just addicting! I ate all raw or sauteed veg today except for 3 oz. of sliced filet mignon.

Water: 2.5 liters
1 12 oz. iced blood orange tea
1 16 oz. iced coffee with soy milk.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Day 15!

Good morning!

It's 1/2 of a month, 15 days, and I finally feel "back to normal". I woke up at 8, felt energized, breathing easy, and feeling happy. I mean it feels like my days before I smoked and drank. And now Salt Lake's horrible inversion will probably kill me.

I am going to Express Yoga today at noon, which is 45 minutes of power yoga.

Two weeks!

Made it. Last three nights were torture! Did am Yoga with Rodney and tomorrow noon class with the dancer. Ate well, but got naughty tonight and had Indian takeout. Star Of India. Emotional craziness ensued tonight. Got lonely watching The Bachelor last night and tonight listening to sentimental crooner music. School started yesterday. I'm taking two online classes: How Not To Be Fat ( it's actually called Weight Management) and Nutrition For Sports. Super stoked. But I hope the crying stops soon. I'm already a baby normally! LOL I continue to get slimmer on my sides and I love the tight feeling of my arms and legs. Less sore today.

Namaste,
Smobergirl

Two Weeks!

Made it. I'm sorry about the angry post last night. More stuff came out and it was a hard one for cravings. Like I said before, I need to stop playing the victim, but how can people be like that and how can people like me tolerate it? I think most people have their blinders on and only want to see the good in people. You definitely need to love yourself and be happy before you can have a healthy relationship with someone else. That is why AA recommends being sober for a year before dating.

So yay me two weeks! Feeling good and "normal". It's something I can't describe.

~Smobergirl

I'm finally getting over it.

That would be my old job. It is like getting over a relationship. In fact, I did have a romantic relationship similar to my old job. A job can be like a relationship, eh? But I broke up with them because I didn't feel respected, and I was there for ten years, even though it was in 6 and 4 year increments. That's not necessarily the truth. I don't know their side. Maybe I am melodramatic. However, I wasn't happy, I expected to go up when I went down. Had a hard time, drank my problems away, from them and bad romantic relationships. The things we do when we either don't feel appreciated, or when we disappoint ourselves. The guy, I met through friends setting me up. I wasn't interested and it seemed vice-versa, then a week later he started pursuing me. I fell for him a month later, then the tables turned. He said I wasn't a go-getter, and he wanted Tuesdays and Thursdays to himself. On top of that he kept old pics of his ex in a bikini, who was drop dead gorgeous. And when we first kissed he said, "I just want to have someone to do stuff with." There was another relationship I had who the man dated a hot Asian chick before me. When we first did the deed, here we are naked in my bed and he says, pointing to my belly, "How do you get rid of that?". Seriously. I stuck with him for three more years. Blinders. I think I just had no self-esteem. But I finally broke that off too. He's now married to a woman about my size, and he said in a recent email, "I treat her better from my mistakes with you." Gee, thanks. You'd think I'd be smarter, but no, I had freakin' stupid love blinders on. Kinda like the old radio station. They liked me around but I was hoping for something more. Blinders. It's also sad because there were several other employees not as fortunate as me wishing for the same thing. I wonder how they are feeling. So it ended just like the guy. He said there was never a spark, after a six month relationship, and I left but cried and had a grudge for almost a year. The station cut my hours to 10-midnight on Sundays and I left, feeling about the same, and it's been 8 months. I loved it there, but was sad at the same time.

So today the cloud just lifted. I need to let them go, and I don't care anymore. Sometimes it takes time to do that.

~Smobergirl

Two weeks tomorrow!

Pina Colada for breakfast.

It's a smoothie! Non-alkie, of course. I'll be two weeks smober tomorrow. Woot. I feel pretty good and my yoga bum is getting smaller!

Pina Colada Smoothie:

3 oz. chopped pineapple

1/2 banana, fresh or frozen

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 cup coconut water

5 ice cubes

In this case I froze some of the coconut water and used 5 coconut water ice cubes. Blend. Delish! I also made 2 egg whites and one yolk, but I didn't eat the yolk. I sprinkled herbs on and topped with Hot Lips habanero sauce.

One fish stick too many.

Here's that recipe: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/everyday-italian/parmesan-fish-sticks-recipe/index.html

I had 1/2 of an Asian pear an hour before I had lunch, and it's true what nutritionists say about eating an apple before a meal: you won't eat as much! The soluble fiber in the apple turns into a 'jelly' in your belly and gives you a feeling of fullness. So after 3 sticks I was satisfied. I had to eat my salad anyway, then the last stick was just staring at me. I hate that. My 'fullness' scale is at a 10 though I don't feel like I have to roll around but level 7 or 8 is when you should ideally stop. I had 5 ounces of fish. According to my last nutrition class I should of had three. It's not horrible and I'm eating better (no-fat or no dairy and little gluten aiming for none of both), but I am really relaxed and a little sleepy (Too much EVOO and bread crumbs. Crunchy goodness.) And they are baked! Okay. No more whining or excuses. Need to concentrate on the quit, even though eventually I want to eat for energy for life. Members of AA have recommended eating more, smoking, or eating sweets...anything but no alcohol! However, I just want to be healthy during withdrawals without freaking out. The iced coffees and fruit/juices definitely help, and sometimes eating more seems like a good option, and if I do I try to make better food chioces.

Good Eats has a diet show which I'm watching right now. It's quite educational. Alton Brown lost 50 pounds and shows us how. He just made this amazing-looking almond snack on the show: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/ginger-almonds-recipe/index.html

In two hours I'll pop in a yoga DVD, then go to that meeting.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Two weeks in two days biotches!

Day 12

Like my bangs this morning? I got a pompadour action going on. I did Rodney's backbends this morning. I have two other yoga DVDs which I'll do one later on today, and walk 20 minutes on the treadmill. I made a tofu breakfast burrito with papadums, mushrooms, rosemary, and arugula. I found these great little mandarin oranges that I've been eating the last couple of mornings. Feeling good. However I had trouble sleeping last night and went to bed around 1:30. I am going to an AA meeting tonight at a church I like. There are quite a few people my age that go to this one.

It is very important to take care of myself right now. I've been staying home a lot, which I'm actually digging. I think the cats like that, too. Make it a great Sunday!

~Smobergirl

12 days smober

11 yoga practices

Aw Mom!

She's making me watch The Bachelor. Granted she's 400 miles away, but she called. He's a looker and sweet guy though. I like The Bachelorette more personally. Or sometimes I'll just watch the very last show. Plus right now, and it's just me, I need as less drama as possible. LOL.

Tenth yoga class was Power Yoga with my favorite dancer instructor. Oh dear I have to change the channel. I had dinner, made soba noodles and mixed rice with avo, mushrooms, hemp seeds, flax powder, garlic, garam masala, soy sauce, and ginger. I have to admit I ate too fast. I think I'll go out for an iced coffee (no pre-made here) and just tell my mom that some of the girls were just too darn cheesy.

Namaste,

Smobergirl.

Day 11 smober!

Snack. Don't eat two hours before a yoga session. For me it makes or breaks my practice. I have 2 1/2 hours so I'm noshing on celery sticks and PB. This peanut butter has flaxseed in it, which can help prevent breast cancer. Binge drinking can contribute to it. Flax also has omega-3s, like in fish. It's a healthy oil. By the way I am still taking milk thistle to cleanse my liver.

It will be yoga class #10 today. 80 more to go!

Doing well.

Like, 1000000% better than my freak out last night. That's why they call it a 'demon'. I practiced my guitar, had a good lunch. Watching Food Network. I keep reading how diet is just as and even more important than exercise, but don't cancel moving. It's healthy to get out and about. It also releases those endorphins. Anyway, I'm being more aware of what and how much I eat. I still love the bangs, and I'm going to ignore the bullfrog chin (my hair here is strategically hiding it well) and just hope it will tighten up with time. The bod is looking better already, and my face looks healthier. In the rice tortilla is farmer's mkt mushrooms and spicy hummus with rosemary and thyme. Those are the shrooms in the bag. Caputo's has a small farmer's market every Saturday year round. So I'm going gluten and dairy free, a diet that made me at a healthy, skinny weight in the past.

I feel great. A little sleepy, but I'm hoping it's the weather. Naw it's probably the detox. ;) I have a sense of well-being and I keep thanking my lucky stars.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Day 11

Mornings are so different than evenings. Like I said, I am relieved I didn't give in. If I did, I'd feel the same guilt and would wonder what I did if I blacked out. It's scary. I mean it would have been. Whew. Feeling more awake this morning but tired eyes. I went to bed after midnight, and I have been waking up around 8:45 lately. I'm still a little phlegmy and my throat is a little sore this morning. Could be the bad air.

So it's Rodney then Power Hour this afternoon. A local market has local farmers every Saturday. I'm going there in a bit. I'll make another tofu scramble and have 1/2 a grapefruit with agave nectar for breakfast.

Make it a great Saturday!

~Smobergirl

9 out of 90!

Jeeeeeeebus!!!! Tonight was a killer. Out of nowhere, I wanted to drink and smoke so badly. Then I ate, then they came back (they, meaning the $%@#! in my head) then I had a potato, then they came back, then I turned on Rodney and everything got better. Really. I just surrendered and relaxed all of the sudden. Silly brain. I did the forward bend segment, which is good for relaxation and looking 'inward' even though I didn't like what was in me at the moment.

My shirts and jeans are fitting better, but I look tired and haggard lately. I hope and assume that is temporary. My chin still bothers me more than usual. Maybe it's the withdrawals. I know I'm not gaining weight elsewhere. I just need to CHILL. I also coughed a lot this morning and tonight, but I don't know if it's the quit or the crappy inversion.

I am going to read then crash. Things will get better. Please let them get better.

~Smobergirl

Day 10

Okay, that gosh darn mother fudging madness is over. I went shopping and now I'm having a plain baked potato with bleu cheese crumbles. I got a spatula for the kitchen. I know I'm just going to thank my lucky stars tomorrow. I'm going to do Rodney Yee's forward bends tonight and another of his segments in the morning. In the afternoon I'm going to Power Hour, my favorite dancer instructor is teaching.

I finally put away the tinsel tree and all the Christmas stuff, and rearranged some furniture. Looks groovy and less congested, the living room.

Have a beautiful night and I'll see you mañana.

~Smobergirl
Day ten!

Freaking out. Craving bad. Drawing a hot bath. It sucks how you think you have it all together then the bastard sneaks up on you. Stuff is definitely coming out. I made a fantastic soba noodle dish with shrooms, spinach, shoyu, broccoli, ginger, and garlic. Very comforting. Hopping in bath now.

Thoughts...

...and food! I found a book I'm going to check out called Eat Your Way To Happiness. I know so far that salmon and spinach are key players to help you sleep easier. I am being much more aware of what I eat, and yoga is definitely an inspiration. I made a tofu scramble on my "Christmas" griddle (totally loving it [Cuisinart's Griddler Gourmet]), and berries with about an ounce of Greek yogurt (yogurt was added later). The scramble was awesome! I'm a genius. For spice and color I added turmeric and rosemary (the rosemary is so fragrant). For veg I added crimini mushrooms, avocado, and papadew peppers. Then I topped it with Hot Lips habanero sauce. Hot Lips is a string of pizza joints in Portland, Oregon. They make their own sodas from Oregon berries which you can order online, but you need to email them to request their hot sauces. It's worth it. http://shop.hotlipssoda.com/index.php/

I did a segment this morning from Rodney Yee's Am Yoga, which was so relaxing and fun. On the disc are five 20-minute segments of different areas: Standing poses, backbends, hip openers, twists, and forward bends. It's a nice change from doing a dozen sun salutations and lunges. I did the standing poses, and it was a great stretching/balancing class and good for the core (abs) too. It wasn't too easy nor too grueling. Rodney rocks. I would really like to do a retreat with him someday. I feel very zen this morning. The berries woke me up and brought me joy, and so did the lesson. On the DVD there is an interview with Mr. Yee and he expresses how much joy and calm you can get from yoga, and at anytime you can tap into the joy within yourself. I'm going to eat more fruit again. I unconsciously took a break from it and did not feel as happy. I'm serious! Fruit=happy food. I got a bunch of mandarins and a pineapple yesterday. And I have a couple of pomegranates I need to crack into. The seeds are excellent in a salad. I'm also eating more salad since my brother gave me that garlic dressing for Christmas. http://www.garlic-expressions.com/

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Yoga day 8

I went to Power Hour tonight, and it was all a blur!! Kidding. I didn't pass out, in fact I had a great time sweating. I was sluggish for about 20 minutes then BAM my adrenalin shot up. I don't think ARUP would condone putting pressure on my arm after donating, but heck yeah I took a risk, and I figure after ten hours it would be somewhat okay. I really wanted to go, and I was easier on the arm than usual.

Ten days sober in an hour and 18 minutes.

Bon nuit!

~Smobergirl

Doin it an' doin it an' doin it well!

Bangs pt. II

Did it. I feel much much better. I like the 'ol forehead covered. And I liked how they grew out last time. Hey you get a new look every month! So yeah, glad I did it.

I will do yoga tonight at home. I was tired even before I gave blood. I did do 20 minutes incline on the treadmill. I got AM Yoga with Rodney Yee through Netflix today. I may have to do am in the pm.

Now the superficial part: I sure hope I lose weight from this quit. TV may put 10 pounds on you, but local TV seems to put 20 pounds on! That, or I'm in denial. My chin was the worst. I flatter myself here by taking the photo above my head. So no more dairy except for egg whites. I miss my yoga bod.

I'm not nearly as irritated as days 1-4. I'm not coughing as much. I still feel tired, however. That could be the insomnia, a side-effect of quitting. I'm being patient with the weight thing. The last thing I need to do now is beat myself up. I have no desire to drink or smoke. When I do, the switch automatically goes back, because "I can't". That's my ticket out. I now have a reason not to go back: Fear of the blackouts and what I will do. I can't talk myself into it anymore. I did want to last night and it sounded wonderful, but I couldn't do it because that darkness and unknown is so strong. I had to really screw up, unfortunately, to make myself stop. I don't want to go back there.

Dinner was soba noodles with shoyu, sauteed crimini mushrooms, and avocado with a side salad. In the salad was bell pepper, fennel, hemp seeds, ground flax seeds, purple radish, garlic oil dressing and lemon juice, one Italian green olive, arugula, watercress, and red butter lettuce. I need to up the water intake. Water: 2 liters, 2 home made iced coffees with soy milk.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Day nine

Day 9

I gave blood again and got the same dizzy spell and sweat breakout. Maybe I am done. I've been giving for 5 years straight, and a little in the 90s. And I was one punch away from the ARUP thermos. They have donor punchcards and gifts for so many punches. I'm not hungry. I had a good breakfast of an egg white omelet with rosemary and broccolini and fresh fruit. Maybe it's the detox or herbs I'm taking. Could I be anemic? Hmmm. I feel better now and going to head on home.

Yoga day 7.

Well, that week certainly flew by! My crotch hurts and I was dog tired all morning, but other than that, By back has cut in a bit and my legs seem tighter. Now I just wish my face started to look more lively! According to the Ubisoft quit smoking app, my complexion should improve in 2 weeks to 3 months. Or maybe I'm just getting OLD! Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. Well, I'm proud of myself for having a hard-working week. The TV gig went great. I'm doing it again next week. Maybe I should get my bangs cut again.

Anywho, I ate well today. Oatmeal for breakfast. Hummus, tabbouleh, two grape leaves, and lentil soup for lunch. Mole Amarillo with black beans for dinner. Two home made iced coffees with soy milk. 2.5 liters of h20.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Day 8.

Day 8 and more stuff coming up. Good times! I am going to Express Yoga at noon. My thighs are killing me. However Homer Face is a little smaller. Hooray. Got a parking spot right by the door. Ever since I watched "The Secret" I have been getting really good parking spots. That was three or four years ago. The regret demon slowly comes and goes, hoping it will disappear for good soon. I'm feeling a ton better than a week ago, let me tell ya. I also love Park City. The TV show and my music segment debut should be a blast.

Breakfast: Oatmeal with walnuts, agave nectar, and goji berries. Home made cinnamon iced coffee/Teechino with soy milk.

~Smobergirl

One week!

Woohoo. Six days of yoga too. I'll post pics when I can. I have misplaced the cord that connects my lappy to the phone. Yesterday I went to a proper Power Unplugged class: effective but not grueling. Today I rented "Skinny Bitch Fitness: Body" which is four 20 minute target workouts for pilates and yoga. And it hurt. I really liked the abs portion of the workout. I did the whole hour and 20 minutes and felt great but couldn't walk afterwards.

Being clean feels awesome. It does get better with time. I had a rough one two nights ago, but I could not give in for fear of a blackout and what I would do. It's just not worth it. Yeah, the light bulb finally lights up!

Tomorrow is TV time. I have a nice outfit laid out. I have a fun band to interview. I will go to Express Yoga at noon with my favorite dancer instructor.

I am watching Boy Meets Grill, a grilling show with Bobby Flay. He's making a filet mignon salad. Looks delicious. For dinner I had the most tender baby arugula with red butter lettuce salad with this garlic oil dressing my bro gave me for Christmas. I grilled more veg and put those on top. I also made more salmon fish sticks. I'm hooked on those! Giada made a mocktail on the TV today, which I appreciated. Cranberry and pomegranate juices, mineral water, stewed dried fruit, lime juice, and mint.

Water: 2 liters. Home iced coffee: 16 ounces. Teechino: 12 ounces.

Namaste! (Feeling all sore as heck)

~Smobergirl

One week, six yoga classes.

Hola. I was still frustrated by more emotional detox this morning, but I'm being patient. It's only day six. Took older cat to the vet. I only had raspberries and home made iced coffee with soy milk for breakfast. Feeling better. Ran into my friend from Wild Grape who is now at this great Mexican joint right by my pad.

Yoga day 4, smober day 5.

Holy crap my butt was kicked tonight. This is the before picture. I went to an 'easy' class today because the last 3 were tough ones. Not so much. It wasn't the class but the teacher who has a rep for being hard. But no worries, after I wanted to kill her for keeping me in plank for 3 minutes with my knee to my forehead, I actually felt awesome after the class. That's what happens. I sweat buckets tonight. This is going to be rewarding in 86 days. I have a feeling.

Bon nuit!

~Smobergirl

*snore*

Food today.

I'm doing well. I love my new grill! I made a tofu scramble burrito this morning with tumeric, cherry tomatoes, dried rosemary, and habenero sauce. Lunch was a spinach salad with bleu cheese crumbles and spicy hummus; and grilled veggies. I even grilled jalepeno slices. You may say I had a spicy kick today. So yeah I got on the scale and I'm 145. I was 150 for-ever. My goal is 122 in nine weeks. That's two months give or take. Is 10 pounds a month too much to ask? I think not if I quit something drastic like drinking. In my 20's I lost 7 pounds in a month by cutting out soda. I got on the treadmill today for 30 minutes, 20 on an incline. Yoga tonight is a more mellow version of Power Yoga, focusing on holding the poses rather than a fast flow.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Day 5

I lost 5 pounds!

I lost 5 pounds since Christmas. Woooo.

Started to freak out a little. Images of a tarnished image at my old work dancing in my head. However I was a star employee for ten years. I said yes to 99%, was always there when needed, worked my butt off, didn't stand up for myself much against the other egos. Then I quit and turned into ex-employeezilla. I just need to go on. Dr. Lara told me when I got on her radio show via telephone when I was 14 regarding a friend cheating on another, "What are you going to do, put a bag over your head?" So that phrase has always stuck with me everytime I get into a pickle. And yes I just said pickle.

Yummy!

Okay now I feel better. I had a lamb and spinach fatayer at Mazza. This month is meat month, but cutting down or eliminating dairy. I have tofu at home for tofu scrambles on my new gril and griddle, and oatmeal for breakfast. Rice tortillas and asparagus and avocados and salmon and cherry tomaters and miso for lunch and dinner. I'll still eat out with precaution, with the exception of my weekly risotto , for now. I feel good. Not overstuffed. I feel relaxed. That dish was like mommas, so that was definitely comforting. And the meat here is local, which is also a comfort.

Stuff coming up.

I just finished yoga class #3 with one of my favorite instructors who is also a dancer. I can't get my old work out of my head and the guilt and anger magnified in my poor brain today. I know this is all going to disentegrate down the road. I know the first three weeks are the toughest. That's why I haven't been able to quit in five years! Ha. I do feel better than if I didn't do the yoga, even though I didn't sweat this time. It had it's tough moments, just no sweat today. I just can't wait until one month is over. Next week is gonna be cool. I have a TV appearance for a weekly music showcase, and I'm doing my top local 11 on my show Monday and I have one of my favorite bands from Ogden coming on.

Namaste,
Day four
Which sucks but could suck worse. ;)

Found

I got out of the shower and still had the demons of guilt in the back of my head. So I sat down on my bathroom mat, fatigued, to put on lotion and makeup which were both under the sink. Then I saw a felt bag under there. Oh ha ha it's a Crown Royal bag. I just realized that. My mom likes to put keepsakes in them and stash them away. They are actually nice bags for this purpose. So I grabbed it and there are all of these foreign coins and currency in there. Probably useless since the Euro took over eh? I'll have to inspect them. So also in there, was my high school class ring I've actually been thinking about three days ago! I had a baby bracelet and a watch face in there too. It was a nice find. The ring has drama masks and an alexandrite stone in it. I was always the drama geek. Then I went to a kitchen store and got a pitcher. I have two, but one is always for water, and the other has tea in it. I'd like one for my iced coffee. It's a Le Creuset and $25, which is less than one night of bingeing. Then I came home and found Robert Downey Jr. in my bed, I mean on In The Actor's Studio. For six months I've been thinking about him and his struggles with addiction. I kept thinking look at him. Look at this guy. He went to prison twice and look at him now. Well it gave me hope.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Happy 2010!

Smober day 3, yoga day 2. My top is still wet. Two hours of power yoga in a room of 80-ish people mat-to-mat. It was fantastic. I feel so good and relaxed. Past anxiety and guilt is lurking in the back of my brain, but I'm hoping over time that will slowly be pushed out.

Lunch is a frozen pizza with soy cheese and spinach which I added cherry tomatoes, mixed greens, avocado, and hot sauce; two large spiced Italian olives on the side. Not bad. Now I'm staring at a pint of chocolate gelato. Lessee, one serving is....1/2 cup. I think I'll aim for 1/4. I can crave sweets, but I can't eat large portions which isn't healthy, but it's all about moderation. I tried to learn that with alcohol, but that's the exception for me. Bon appetit!

I reflect back to this day last year, and I said, "no wine or whine in 2009!" That lasted for about a week. Please stick with me and pray that I can finally get through this hurdle.

Hugs,

Smobergirl