It isn't punishment

I LOVE IT!!!!!

I feel amazingly liberated right now. I was squealing in the chair and I am incredibly happy! Clean slate.

Smobergirl

Punishment or redemption.

Or is it both? I caved last night and decided at the time to donate my hair to Locks Of Love. I posted the idea on FB and got 28 responses. "Do it!" was the main one. This morning I thought my God what have I done, then I thought this is a superb idea. It's punishment for drinking and smoking, and I am trying to redeem myself by donating 10+ inches of my hair to a great cause. Brilliant. It will be a nice feeling to have a 'clean slate' too, and a cute pixie cut will be perfect for warmer weather. I try to be the optimist.

So here's my pity moment today. I'm looking at short hairstyles online and there's Emma Watson. I want to be her. She's intelligent, 20, can afford the $1500 Solange Azagury-Partridge ring for Lancome whom she is the new model for. Sigh. Sigh-de-sigh-de-ho. Then I woke up and rolled my eyes for thinking that I'm not intelligent, again. I don't look like I'm 40 , Ginnifer Goodwin is right behind me and she's got a darling short hair do. I'm depressed from the depressants that's why the pity party. I'm also poor right now, but the beauty of that is I'm forced to make healthy meals at home! I had zucchini drying up in the fridge so I whipped up a no-bean hummus. It's so good! You can find several recipes for it online. Oh and my hair lady is only charging me $30 for the cut and that's reasonable. Hair gets chopped on Wednesday. I am picking up a check at a consignment shop where I drop off my old clothes tomorrow so I can afford the cut. I spent my last $50 on wine and cigs last night. The life of a junkie. My life really is amazing and I have great amounts of potential. So what's holding me back? Burn out maybe. Silly. I will be okay. I can't get back on Antabuse because my insurance doesn't cover it. I am tempted to get a shrink that the insurance does cover. For free however or to start, I could actually download mood sheets. I could also bang my head against a wall, but I won't do that.

Good things: I'm painting like crazy and I'm selling one to a friend. Woohoo! I re-opened my Etsy shop: Eportico Animal Pop. I'm DJing my favorite event put on by the Pride center in late April. My hip hop workout is still amazing. I have $40 worth of free yoga classes.I feel liberated by gutting out 1/4 of my closet and making money at the thrift store. The owner donates anything that doesn't sell to U students. That's redemption too. :)

Smobergirl

Lemony goodness

This watch costs less than a night of wine and cig binging. I am reliving my 80's neon days this Spring with a new Rhumba silicone watch. It's made from 3 NY finance guys who even made a watch to put your credit card in so you just swipe your wrist when you make some bid-ness. This is not that one, but I have resolved to only buy inexpensive items without having to live like I'm cheap. My entrepreneur grandfather did it and had a great life. I wanted an every-day watch and even though I do have a white porcelain one I caved to get at Nordy's last year because I got triple points and it was on sale, this one I don't even feel it on my wrist and it's not black! Another resolution. Citrus is an anti-depressant, like I said.

Kimberly Snyder's GGS with lemon:

1 bunch romaine
1 banana
1 green pear
1 celery stalk
1/2 cup water
Juice from 1/2 lemon
1 tsp chia seeds
1 tsp maca powder
1 tsp ground flax seeds


Smobergirl

The 30-day challenge

On Beachbody.com; the creator of Insanity, Hip-Hop Abs, P90X, and others; I have a 'coach' and she started a virtual biggest loser-like challenge. About six of us girls are eating clean and doing a Beachbody workout for a month. If I was really determined then I'd finish the second half of Insanity, but I have way more fun and still sweat with Shaun T.'s Hip Hop videos. I am using weighted gloves and 5 pound weights instead of the 2-3 pounders they use in the video. Sometimes some of the dancers wear weighted gloves but they use those small weights too. So I will see if I'll get those abs in 30 days. I'm cutting out all dairy and processed foods. Today is day two and I had a hard-boiled egg, a grapefruit, and no-sugar granola in coconut water. I seared a tuna steak yesterday with watercress, had my token Shakeology from beachbody.com, sauteed mushrooms and baked sweet potato chips. Shaun T. likes his sweet potatoes. I have more fish and bay shrimp today, greens, and quinoa. I still have an iced coffee problem but that's the worst thing I'm consuming, either black or with almond milk and coconut sugar.

I feel great and happier. I may be addicted to exercise. I'll probably walk 20-30 minutes on the treadmill tonight to keep the endorphins up. I don't need substances to keep me high. Also on the agenda, painting for my class and friend, and guitar playin'. Since it's in the 60s today perhaps I sould take my walk outside!

Love,

Smobergirl

Eating cleaner and appreciating what I have.

I just have the food here and not the clothes that I already have and need to appreciate. Food first, I am starting a 30-day challenge eating clean and doing Insanity Max starting on March 10, this Saturday. I did Insanity weight training upper body this morning to prep with a Shakeology smoothie (the DVD promotes this product which has all the supplements I put in my shakes) which I added blueberries. For lunch here I made a mixed green salad (spinach, chard, and kale) with grape tomatoes, avocado, red onion, and yellow bell pepper. I added lime juice, local honey vinegar, and lemon olive oil. I also had a hard boiled egg and star fruit. I did have a naughty little slice of Vinto pizza though with it. Hey the cleanse isn't for two more days. ;)

Appreciation next. I'm such a girl. I admit I had a shopping....problem?...substitution?...during this quit. Now, and especially since I have a big trip for a friend's wedding coming up in Kauai (!), I have to save my clams. For one, last night I found a pair of comfy James Perse lounge pants which I don't think I've worn at all after buying some Soleone ones online visiting my dad in CA last week. My step-mom and step-sis both had white comfy lounge outfits and I was craving. However lo and behold I HAD white comfy lounge pants!! Two, I was online last night (damn you online shopping, even though you have squashed many a wine crave) willing to buy a James Perse (terribly spendy buttery-soft cotton clothes) cami to go with my pants, then I...you guessed it...remembered my JP racerback tank in my closet that I got from step-mom for Christmas last year. What else is in there??? Holy crap. So I put said tank on and slept like a baby in my newly-discovered white James Perse snuggliness. Snuggliness isn't actually a word but it should be. So there you go. Shop in your closet and you never know what you don't think you have in there. Or something like that.

So uh-oh, I'm craving wine and cigs now and no shopping to do. I could eat more or do the iced coffee thing since the IC usually also squishes the craves and my challenge hasn't started yet. I could finish my friend's painting (AHA!), practice guitar, and work on my acrylic class painting which is from a portrait of my mother when she was 5 posing for my gramp's tire ad. Her birthday is later this month and she's going to freak! :-)


Shop in your closet, sell clothes you don't wear to a good consignment shop, and keep or make new hobbies.

Love,

Smobergirl

Sober TV watching.

I just broke the habit (well not really but it felt like it for the first time) of watching TV without wining up and smoking. That's about a 13-year ritual right there. It's quite silly, once in a while, okay often, I think, "Well what am I going to do sober while I watch the program?". Silly I know but you think these things when you are deep into a habit. What did I do? I had dinner and a cup of tea. I actually enjoyed and remembered all of the programming. Now I am ready for bed.

Next: Not being on the computer just before bed! :)

Smobergirl