Punishment or redemption.

Or is it both? I caved last night and decided at the time to donate my hair to Locks Of Love. I posted the idea on FB and got 28 responses. "Do it!" was the main one. This morning I thought my God what have I done, then I thought this is a superb idea. It's punishment for drinking and smoking, and I am trying to redeem myself by donating 10+ inches of my hair to a great cause. Brilliant. It will be a nice feeling to have a 'clean slate' too, and a cute pixie cut will be perfect for warmer weather. I try to be the optimist.

So here's my pity moment today. I'm looking at short hairstyles online and there's Emma Watson. I want to be her. She's intelligent, 20, can afford the $1500 Solange Azagury-Partridge ring for Lancome whom she is the new model for. Sigh. Sigh-de-sigh-de-ho. Then I woke up and rolled my eyes for thinking that I'm not intelligent, again. I don't look like I'm 40 , Ginnifer Goodwin is right behind me and she's got a darling short hair do. I'm depressed from the depressants that's why the pity party. I'm also poor right now, but the beauty of that is I'm forced to make healthy meals at home! I had zucchini drying up in the fridge so I whipped up a no-bean hummus. It's so good! You can find several recipes for it online. Oh and my hair lady is only charging me $30 for the cut and that's reasonable. Hair gets chopped on Wednesday. I am picking up a check at a consignment shop where I drop off my old clothes tomorrow so I can afford the cut. I spent my last $50 on wine and cigs last night. The life of a junkie. My life really is amazing and I have great amounts of potential. So what's holding me back? Burn out maybe. Silly. I will be okay. I can't get back on Antabuse because my insurance doesn't cover it. I am tempted to get a shrink that the insurance does cover. For free however or to start, I could actually download mood sheets. I could also bang my head against a wall, but I won't do that.

Good things: I'm painting like crazy and I'm selling one to a friend. Woohoo! I re-opened my Etsy shop: Eportico Animal Pop. I'm DJing my favorite event put on by the Pride center in late April. My hip hop workout is still amazing. I have $40 worth of free yoga classes.I feel liberated by gutting out 1/4 of my closet and making money at the thrift store. The owner donates anything that doesn't sell to U students. That's redemption too. :)

Smobergirl