Relapse

This time I am not joking. It happened last night. I made it for a year and a half. The world is also not going to end like I thought it would two hours ago. I just talked to a very good friend who made it all better, and actually made my life better. He's someone whom I've had a very interesting friendship with for about two years. And when I say interesting I mean a little awkward. See, we really really like each other, we just didn't show it, until tonight. However we are not going to necessarily try to make anything happen. He's a friend of Bill's and he's struggling too. I was also scared of being in a relationship with him but I really, really like the guy. He's hot, he can cook, he's witty, he cracks me up...and we've been going to dinner and movies for over a year and nothing happened! So weird. He even made me dinner once and rented a movie at his place and no makeout session! What? But tonight we got it all out. It was amazing. My life has actually improved by relapsing. I don't want to do it again! But some sort of miracle happened. You had to be there. And he told me it wasn't the end of the world. He walked me through how shitty I'd feel today and tomorrow, then I'd be back to normal in no time. Also he said that no one is going to care as much as I do so don't worry so much. The talk about us too was like foreplay. Heck the last year has been foreplay. Awkward, disappointing foreplay but now we're on the same page, even though we may never make out. We'll just see what happens. At least the awkwardness is gone! Well, most of it at least. :-) Life also isn't fair. I just started this 365 days why being single is better blog and I get three date proposals in one week. My friend (well kinda a date), another friend who may like me more whom I just like as a friend, and match.com guy whom I'm trying to feel out. And now I just want to be with my friend who I talked to tonight (first man mentioned). I am a living Murphy's Law.

So here we are. Do I start at day 1 again? Should I count? I'll tell you this, being smober for 18 months changed my life. I was filming today and had to run to my car. After sprinting across a courtyard, down and up two flights of stairs and back, my heart did not race. I wasn't panting. I didn't turn red. Something is said for not putting toxins in your body. Even after last night I felt super-human. It's changed my life. I have lost 30 pounds now. The year and 1/2 has been filled with good karma and just kept getting better.

I have now discovered the art of phone calls. They can save me, and my boy friend (notice I didn't say boyfriend) wants me to call him always. Do you know how long it has been since I've bonded with someone like that? Now I'm crying. This is a special person, and we have so much in common. Yeah the depressants are making me all emotional, but we need love in our lives, any kind.

Love,

Smobergirl