Feeling distraught today. Even thought of cancelling the blog again. I'm having a flight or fight day. I wanted to cancel everything: the online dating site, weed out my facebook friends, stay at home and shut out the world. I even plotted my death and had a brilliant plan, but of course I won't. I'm having the issue that I have tons of love from fans, some love from friends and family, but only cat love at home. I'm so lonely I am about to explode. See what depressants do to you and yes I thought I could control it again. I was afraid to blog to find police or an ambulance at my door waiting. My life is actually pretty good so what am I doing? I think the grass is greener on the other side for most people. I need a new habit and lifestyle and prove that my life will be better by what I put into my body. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to do it with.