I should be at my guitar lesson.

Strange and melancholic day. I don't know if there's some kind of karmic connection to any of these events, but here goes.

I took out a chunk of money out of a savings account meant to be my nest egg, for trips to yoga events coming up. Then minutes later I find my car battery dead, and I ripped my parka on a doorway. Cancelled my guitar lesson because the maintenence guy wasn't calling back to jump my car and I was pressed for time. Then I told a friend, who I was going to meet at 4 for coffee if we could meet at a place I can walk to, and then he said he could meet early, like now, but he hasn't shown up yet. Well my car is re-booted but there is a girl here at this tiny coffee shop whom I sent drunken hate emails to. She is with another friend of mine who owns a record shop. Worst fear: she's telling everyone I know how much of a bitch I am including my local record shop friends whom I'd like a healthy relationship with. Okay my friend is here. But moving to Dan Diego, Portland, or France is really tempting right now. What's really ironic is that I got my monthly City Weekly column back and I just turned my first one in yesterday. The girl was the old music editor who dropped my column two years ago, hence the hate wino email. My column will be out next Thursday. Does this mean anything? It's sure hard to relax right now. Her voice is echoing from across the room. A reminder to stay clean.

Smobergirl

Great three days.

I lost 2 more pounds and I have this killer hourglass figure...when I suck it in. No I actually feel amazing and had more energy fast walking on an incline 20-minutes a day with lifting and crunches; and doing Namaste Yoga at night. I've been a smoothie fanatic, blending fruit, ice, yogurt, and almond milk (not all at once) every morning. Eliminated the bread and sugar, watching my salt intake. I really notice a change in my body just from these last three days, especially from the walking. Okay I really have to crash now. Wanted to check in. :)

Smobergirl

Doing great!

Oink. I passed the 9-month mark and celebrated by eating tons of processed carbs, desserts, and sodas. However I am still well-behaved (sorta) and never ate huge portions of anything (kinda). Right now I am focusing on avoiding white sugar, which I have definitely had my share of in the last week. Valentine's Day month has not helped! ;) Substitute: Raw Food Real World's chocolate oil recipe with coconut oil, cocoa powder, maple syrup, and vanilla extract. It hardens when cooled, so it's perfect to dip fruit in. On V Day I made a ton of strawberries. They were incredible. I also covered blueberries and ate them with fat-free Greek yogurt, and made one of my favorite child hood desserts...chocolate frozen bananas!!! Yum! I have been making a fruit shake for breakfast the last few days, which I feel better about since I had a bread fest last night and last Saturday, the latter where I judged bands for the Utah Arts Fest all day and food was provided for us, but it was pastries and huge sandwiches from Caputo's. Don't get me wrong, I didn't complain at all, but I had too much fun eating the bad stuff. Today I went to a second-hand store with a friend for a crazy $10 for whatever you can fit into a bag sale at 10 am. I got these crazy 70's inspired high-waisted (not wasted) jeans that are 25's and FIT! Hold your applause. I actually got a lot of cute things, don't dis the thrift and second-hand stores. And that's the eco-friendly way to shop. Healthy materials are so freaking expensive, but I scored today and in my $10 bag I also stashed some new, Loomstate organic jeans. So it was a win-win situation for Smobergirl. I totally scored. Uptown Cheapskate said they'd do it again so keep your eyes and ears open. Iced coffee at 10:30, veggie and hummus baguette and mushroom soup at Tin Angel at 12:30, and now I'm just snacking on whatever needs to be eaten out of the fridge and pantry: 1/2 avocado with sea salt, 12 Thai cashews from Trader Joe's, 2 oz. salmon, 4 mozzerella balls, 1 grape tomato, and 1 oz. chocolate torte with some of those blueberries. Mmmmm. Drink: orange-infused water (slice oranges and put in a pitcher of water and chill) with a splash of 100% pomegranate juice.

I may walk the treadmill to relax. I've been doing hatha yoga all week, and I have a morning class tomorrow. I may paint more owl magnets (that's one up there) and practice guitar and French before bed. Sounds like a plan.

...2 hours later...

Got the geetar done and yoga. I am so happy I have a guitar. It's therapy to practice that thing. Every time I do, I have an "AHA" moment. I have been slacking, and I'm like, "Why?? This is so great and good for my healing soul". So yeah, gotta practice more often. I can do it and I can get so much better at it too. I did some crazy Brazilian carnival dance workout I recorded on the TV, "Dance & Be Fit", followed by "Namaste Yoga", another TV program. My timing is good, maybe I'll be in bed by 10:30.

Night and sweet dreams!

Smobergirl.
Day 278

Ahhhh.....

Yoga, like Baron Baptiste says, is medicine. It certainly chills me out. Class was taught by one of my training instructors, and the other one I said hi to there as well, he had a class just before. They are honestly really cool people. I just had a little ego dent and had a baby tantrum yesterday, which made me feel guilty and that I messed up the class chi. But I don't know if that is true.


I made the best snacks: Fingerling potato baked fries and a Wasa rye cracker with hummus, avocado, and pomegranate seeds. I also made more almond milk. Addicted!!

Gotta run to my guitar lesson now.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Tears

Is it because I ate meat for the first time in forever twice last week? Is it my crazy guy situations (1 never called back, 1 1 night stand, 1 out of towner who was smitten on day one then sparsely texts or calls, and the latest...1 going through a divorce married for ten years)? Is it because just the past few days the failure feelings are back? I haven't felt the most confident lately, with men and my yoga teachers especially. I hope it's just me, but I feel that the yogis are disappointed in me, however I have been mostly disappointed in their program, so I suppose that is karma. I need to take 20 extra classes at that studio, and I'm going to one in 30 minutes. I like the asanas (the physical practice) it's the Vedic astrology and relationship courses that wanted me to pull my hair out. Yes, astrology. I paid $2700 to learn fung shui, get a psychic reading, learn in order to have a healthy relationship I should be happiness, and if my left nostril is more closed in the morning than my right then I should get out of the right side of the bed. All true. I wished I went to my favorite, and closer to where I live, studio who was bashed for only teaching asana and breathing. Isn't that what teaching mostly is? It's okay, I get my certificate next weekend then I have a 6-week mentorship, which I hope is about actually teaching yoga classes. Me, bitter? That's another thing, maybe I'm not cut out to be a yoga teacher if I'm going to have this attitude.

Smobergirl
Nine months next Thursday.

hungover

PSYCHE!!!

Holy crap, I was looking for a good subject line, since I had my first killer wine/cig crave since November. They are more sparse, but still come up. I had no trigger, I just wanted it! I had a plan and everything, but thank God I had my art opening at Tin Angel Cafe (364 West 400 South call 801-328-4155 for reservations). I didn't have time to stock up before the event, so I planned to go after, since I knew I'd be done by 9. I was done at 10, and didn't think about my vices the entire time, only friends and good food. Before I knew it, the liquor stores were already closed. I am plenty grateful that I live in Utah with strict booze laws right now. I definitely can't stop my precious iced coffee and chocolate tortes now. I am so thankful that I am active and eat a lot of raw fruits and veg, and brothy soups, that I can have a little sugar. Marinating in the bath now and I have yoga tonight.

Breakfast: my own almond milk, one cup of blackberries and blueberries
Lunch: pineapple chicken curry with brown rice from Ekamai, small chocolate torte square from Tin Angel Cafe.

I sent a Valentine to my mother today. I recommend that you do the same. ;)

Lots of love,

Smobergirl

Day 265

"One-hundert" more days until a year sober and smoke-free! I make fun of my grandmother there, who has this redneck accent since I can remember but she's one of the classiest ladies I know. She's from Idaho. Says "crick" instead of creek and all that jazz. I love and miss my grandma. She was an alcoholic until about three years ago when she had to stop drinking in order to be on a certain medication for her dementia, which also started about three years ago. She's 91 and still remembers her family, just not situations. Not too bad. Could be worse. She is a pretty rad lady.

The insomnia is passing. Cross your fingers.

Go to Tin Angel sometime before March 4, my art's in there. It's exciting. It all debuts tomorrow.

I have lost 30 (okay 28-30 come or go) p-p-p-pounds since May 17, 2010. I feel great. I got a new hat and funky hospital scrubs-colored nail polish in Arizona. Oh yeah, I went to Arizona. Happy happy, joy joy. Gourds and shopping and eating and a Bliss Spa massage and sun and didn't need to wine myself into submission. That? Forget about it, that's pomegranate juice diluted in water. It's one of the better juices for you, if you get the pure stuff w/o sugar. You don't need to get rid of wine glasses. Tried that, just drank wine in water glasses until I got new ones. Silly.

Yoga saves my butt all the time when I have a food, smoke, or wine craving. If I get irritable too, the asanas invigorate and relax me. Tonight I did a bunch of kundalini spinal bends. I like Maya's programs. I get them free on Discovery Health but she also has DVDs. www.mayaspace.com. I wanted wine so much in the last week. Then my brain turns on and fast-forwards to what the morning will look like if I give in. That seems to do the trick. :) I was on vacation with my mother for a gourd festival in Casa Grande, AZ. We stay in Scottsdale every year the first week of February and drive down for a day. She picks up gourds and supplies for her art. At night we go to a sports bar with good food and she gives me cash to shop around while she drinks wine and calls my step-dad. It's a bribe, yes. She is looking out for me.

I am tired. I better crash before I am stimulated by this darn laptop.

Love and be at peace in the snowfall tomorrow...if in UT!

Smobergirl