What do I have to say (I know what to do) to stop my bad habits which leads to bad behavior and destroying my health? I can't make drinking and smoking different. It's the same recording then I play the same broken record. I feel broken. I want to cry. I want a healthy romantic relationship. I do have a few jobs I love. I am creative, I'm talented. Smober I am a great, caring, loving individual. In fact, I saved this potted flower out of the garbage today. It was my little miracle. Life can be better. I have been better. This is the broken record part but I have to be hopeful. My reputation and health are on the line. I am lucky to have no diseases, yet, and the wrinkles above my lip have not worsened, yet. I could definitely keep trashing my reputation. I am so sad, yet this flower and my mom cheered me up today.
I had a wonderful Mother's Day with my mom. We had brunch, shopped, and had dinner. I felt sad that I am keeping this secret from her. That's a motivating notion to stop. We will also hang out tomorrow which is very comforting. If I am not fantasizing in being in a healthy and whole romantic relationship then I am fantasizing of being a kid in a full home again. Now I am going to cry. Some nurturing would be nice right about now. I will have it in the morning though. God I'm sad. I even started playing with the idea of going to church. You know what makes me happy? Gardening, painting, and playing guitar. Playing KUER for nighttime jazz also helps. I think I will do that now.
Love,
Smobergirl
Day one
Everyone has those kinds of days, just remember that every act. Every try. Everything counts chica. Just because you messed up or feel messed up somedays doesn't mean that you have failed. Be so gentle with yourself. You will get there.
ReplyDeleteThanks and hugs to you Nichole!
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