Practicing Aloha

My favorite cafe in Maui was Mala's Ocean Tavern, and it was promoting a local book called "Practice Aloha" with local stories, and I think the message of peace overall. "Aloha" is not only saying hello/goodbye but according to the natives it's kind of like saying Namaste. I do feel a ton better today, and even though I didn't feel it last night, I did actually take a little aloha home with me. I had my shake:

1 large kale leaf
1 small Bosc pear
1 peach
1 TBS cocoa/maca powder
1 TBS flax seeds ground
Small knob of ginger
1/4 cup cold water
1 tsp chia seeds

Then I went to Liberty Park and in-line skated for about 30 minutes in the unusually warm-for-September Utah sun. It was lovely. I smelled the Great Salt Lake wafting in and I pretended I was still in Maui. Feeling good and even better than back on track. I feel pretty chill this morning. Going to give my cat-sitter friend her chocolate macadamia nut box and pick up the key. Then relax at home, mop, google health experts for my radio show on Tuesdays, then I have a yoga class at 4:15.

Aloha,

Smobergirl
Day 137

Omens and Hormones

I'm sitting in bed typing this at 8:46 pm as I wonder if certain things are meant to be or if I'm nuts. :) Trying to smile. Well I've been off the maca for a week now, maybe that's why the anxieties are coming back. If you remember the holistic lady told me to make smoothies with it to balance my hormones. And I think the Depo may make them out of whack. Depo Provera is an injection contraceptive that lasts in your body for three months or more. I've been on it for about ten years. Now I'm not going to get any more shots of it.

In Maui on Monday my brother went to dinner with some of his friends and didn't invite me or my mother. My dad already left to come back. All of the sudden I had a rush of disrespect and anger. Am I not his friend but just his older sister? Am I not cool enough? I acted like a 16 year old and stuff really came up in my hotel room. Then my mom came in. Busted. An hour later I was like, "who was that person?". Something I'd say when I was drinking. But I'm 136 days sober.

Today more hostility as I came to a cigarette-butt and cat feces infested condo on 4 hours of sleep. Then I'm like, "Will you just chill. This is no behavior for a future yoga teacher".

Challenges like this have happened ever since the weekend yoga workshop in Park City. I thought I was cured and I'd be the best zenned out person on the planet. Not so much. Just more anger and regrets and abusive convos in my head that I'd say to people whom I think don't understand or appreciate what I do. Not very yogi-like.

So maybe the omen is that I'm being pushed so much that I "have to" get certified so I become this better person myself. Because it's leading there. And it so happens that the studio I want to be certified at finally after 2 months of searching sent me an email. Teacher training starts at the end of the month. How convenient after I start really losing it. Or maybe it's the red-eye flight. Well I am back home so the maca shakes resume tomorrow. Maybe teacher training is meant to be. And if it's brain washing I could care less. I'm still lonely, my old station is doing a local show I was supposed to be in charge of (jealous much?), I'm struggling with the one I'm at now (yes William), I don't have a day job, I have guilt, I feel pretty upset tonight and not chill at all and I'm just burnt out. Now I want to drink. Not really but I can't anyway. After that weekend of learning to let go nothing has really changed. I still get weepy. I still get pissed. Alright time to meditate. I promised myself after the workshop that if these feelings come up I'd stop and meditate. But I still stew in them. I let the stuff come up today definitely AND ALL THAT SHIT. Maybe the maca does work and I still need to stay on it.

Smobergirl

Back in the SLC.

I arrived at 8:30-ish and I am having a healthy lunch at Sage's. I miss the beach already! Had an interesting morning with a yogi "test" of my emotions today. One guy on my connecting flight from LAX to SLC probably threw down the word "shit" to the person he was flying with, sounded like a business partner or maybe a friend, approximately 35 times in a 1 hour and 20 minute time span. I mean I find it hysterical now, but I was pretty groggy on the plane. More specifically, the phrase was "and all this/that shit". He looked like a Southern gentleman with an impressive white and blonde mustache that was about five inches long. I couldn't say so much for his repetitive explicit vocabulary. We were in the same row isle seats. He did stop talking to be mesmerized by my seated twists I decided to do after takeoff, so there was kind of a creep factor, but if I am going to get a yoga teacher certification I don't know if I should be thinking that way and just say curiosity factor.

Then there was my condo. It smelled and looked like a litter box. The kids are apparently extremely jealous of my trip. I washed two soiled bath towels and my Love Sac cover of cat mess. Then I took my sheepskin rug to the cleaners, again. Also cigarette butts were left in a pot with orchid bulbs I got for my birthday this Summer. I calmly removed them. I continued to remain calm and I'm going about my day. The lesson here is, I can yell at my cats or my cat-sitting friend, I could have bickered at the foul-mouthed Colonel Sanders or given him the evil eye. Right now I have been listening to an hour of Portishead at the cafe, for those of you familiar with that band they can become repetitively melancholic after a while. But through all that I learned through my yoga workshops I decided to do nothing. This is the difference between creating problems and being at peace: Sometimes it is best to do absolutely nothing. I mean yes clean up the cat poop and cig butts....but...you know. ;) You make the world go round. You create scenarios that effect people's lives. You can make or break someone's day.

Smobergirl
136

Aloha!

Aloha also unfortunately means goodbye, and I leave Maui tonight. Many stories to tell. I took a breathtaking paddle boat lesson this morning. Ate a fish curry and I'm ready to sleep on the plane. My baby bro is a married man now. Pics to come. Never craved one glass of wine, and I had the best virgin piña colada in my life!

Mahalo,

Smobergirl
Day 135

129 Days

Aloha!!!

From the internets on my iPhone! Duh. I can't download photos but I can blog as long as I want with out the post being chopped up. The plane landed on the island a few hours ago and I would like to meditate, or go for a swim by myself to chill. It's beautiful here, but the crew I am with have been drinking since 9 am at the LAX airport. I'm not craving, just annoyed by rambunctious behavior which is not my place. I was on the same plane as my bro and his fiancée (who are behaving) and four of their friends (not so much) two of which whom already got into a spat, and the other is slurring. The other I don't think is partaking. But part of this annoyance is because I probably got 3 hours of sleep. I was so excited I was tossing and turning then woke up at 5-ish. Plane left at 7. I am just grateful for that yoga workshop from a few weekends ago, which really taught me how to "let it go" meaning "don't get annoyed".

It's going to be a great trip. Yes, it already is. :) the drive to the hotel is beautiful. Shoreside all te way so far. Drunk party-goes or not, this is good therapy. I'm in Hawaii!

~Smobergirl

Oops,

Bon Nuit!

Bin nuit!

~Smibergirl

Glad I have a token cat-sitter friend to stay here. Highly recommended. ;)

My baby bro is getting married there. It will be magic.

Long blogs w/ pics after the trip. Will text in Maui!

Who knows, maybe took a while to lose after not drinking?

My secret: Crazy chia shakes, no dairy, hardly eating out, yoga and weights.

I have lost 20 pounds and I have accomplished what I wanted for the trip.

Oops. Should have done grand blog exit to Maui. Leave at 7 am.

I learned something new today.

Maybe it's me but I'm learning that most nice restaurants ain't all that and a bag of chips. The more I ate at home the more I notice too much salt, oil, cheese, cream, etc. at eateries if they're not Sage's, Vertical Diner, or Este. I'm sure I'm missing someone. And my 'deserved' $25 dinner could had been made at home healthier and just as tasty for much less. I'm not deliberately putting places down but if you want to be fit I recommend making your own stuff mostly. Yes it was fun while it lasted though, and I only ate a little bit of my savory shrimps and cactus. Yeah cactus! I liked it. I was just being really really overly observant. And I still want to be gorgeous for my bro's wedding in a week. It's Saturday night and I was like hey, I had oatmeal and celery all day, let's go out. Okay I had a bit more than that but still. And unless cacti are just as rare as truffles, I argue that the dish could have been more around the $17 price range.

#2 lesson: Beware of putting too much cayenne in your tea! Yeah I still have a little tickle in my throat so I made a Cold Care tea with agave, lemon juice, and too much cayenne. That was a spicy meatball! But I downed it and I secretly enjoyed the fire and I hope everything comes out okay in the end, if you know what I mean.

#3 Saving money by hardly eating out and buying cigs and booze is definitely a reward. I lost over 15 pounds, I feel so strong and energetic when I don't have this...whatever it is allergy-flu thingy. Losing weight is fun. I did find a modest-yet-sexy in an athletic kind of way tankini swim suit. The maillots were the 'support' kind and they make look nice but I want to breathe. I could hardly fit my arm through the size 8 one. So I have my polka-dot bikini and something to wear snorkeling. I am getting stoked! While at Nordy's I got fitted for a bra and I'm back to my 'yoga bod' size, a 34C. I'm nearing a 32, the sales lady said. I personally thought I still had 'fat arm' syndrome but isn't that the case. We always lose last what we want to lose the most? My shoulders are kickin' though and the arms will get there. I only did a gazillion push-ups tonight, 10 were triceps ones. I didn't have bra hangover at the fitting which was superb. Must..not...obsess..............


So Nordstrom's ended up having a breast cancer event today and the sales girl gets brownie points for fitting boobies. Also $2 of every bra went to the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation. I want to say that I hope that is the truth. I made my donation to Haiti long ago to find out that our government is holding on to trillions of dollars of our fundraised money. Haiti is not starting repairs right? Kinda scary if you ask me. Could someone more educated than me please explain this? So back to my boobs. I HAD to get two bras out of it and they are danged sexy. Such an ego boost. Boost, get it? And seriously, I really want to think that we are a caring, involved nation and we are holding this money for a good reason. Must..not...........

Well on the home-stretch to Hawaii. I'm DJing that wedding tomorrow and getting some spending cash. Woot. My token kitty-sitter stays at my place. It's her little vacation too when I go. We have a good system going on. And I promised her chocolate macadamia nuts.

~Smobergirl
125 days. Looks good! Divide that in 1/2 and add $30-70 for each of those days. I spent that and perhaps more on a cheap thrill that did not serve me. Now if I only did eating out to that, then I'd have a heart attack! It does feel great saving on the spendy eats though, even though I did miss it of course. Eating well has given me a new perspective.

Sick Day.

So it wasn't allergies after all. :) I feel tired mostly. My sinuses are not as bad as the night of rock climber's yoga and yesterday morning. The class was all about deep stretching in challenging, and relaxing, poses, like pigeon and low lunges. Then I 'wowed' the instructor with a tripod stand. Not really but he said it was nice. I'm getting much better at inversions. Definitely party pleasers.

Breakfast: Oatmeal and buckwheat with goji berries, walnuts, maca with cacao powder, chia seeds, agave, and hot water.

I was going to go to the farmer's mkt on my bike but my flu head says no. It's sleepy and heavy. My aesthetician friend told me to rub my top foot between the bones that lead to my toes. Parts are really sore but she said to rub those out and it will clear my sinuses. It's reflexology. I tried it last night and it worked, seriously. Even if it was all in my head, my sinuses cleared right up.

My brother is getting married in Hawaii in a week. Looking svelte, check. Fake tan, check. I found something I like that's subtle with no streaks. I found it at Whole Foods, it's by Nature's Gate. I used one layer and I dig it. It says you can re-apply for a darker tan. The lip balm is from a local company I discovered at the farmer's market two years ago. Now they have a shop and a deal with Whole Foods. They also have soaps and other bath stuff. I think I told you I need the 12-step program for lip balms. They came out with a new raspberry one and that got snatched up yesterday. OMG new flavor---yonk.

Well I'm taking my sniffly self to get lemons. Okay what I really want to do is find a black one-piece swimsuit for the trip. I believe fancy folk call it a maillot. That will be my wine bottle for the day, or the week. That's my new terminology. One binge night costed anywhere from about $20 to $70. The average night was around $30. Nat Sherman cigs $8.50 (now 9.50!), and $10-30 per bottle, usually two. So if your average swimsuit is $50-100....sexy black suit here I come, then I'll come home and die. I have learned through the yoga workshop to let go of my judgments. What I feel now is isolation, and I'd like to go to Nordys to see my friends who work there, even in my state, and look around. Maybe I'll wear latex gloves and a medical mask. Then I'll spend the rest of the day here and I definitely could learn more French. I've been putting that off. Maybe paint. Practice my slurs on the guitar. Find "Crazy Heart" so I can send it back to Netflix. I am DJing a wedding tomorrow in a beautiful historical park. I have almost all the music except for a Beatles song. I can't find ANY to download! Are they copyright Nazis? Damn you Paul. I'll figure it out, unless you know what I can do. I'll probably hit the Best Buy and get #1 hits, or can I even do that? It's all tribute bands I'm finding lately. Even on Amazon and itunes. Weird. So I just need to find freaking "And I Love Her" and I'll be ready. And I sure hope the goomba is gone by 6 pm tomorrow.

~Smobergirl
124 Days
4 months yesterday!
Hells yeah I deserve a shopping trip.

Going to yoga for climbers tonight.

To stop procrastinating, put it off!

Today's practice is peace within me. Doing well so far. Clearing the mind, letting thoughts go.

Pumpkin seed oil. Just as expensive as a nice bottle of wine but has more health benefits and lasts longer. Add to salads.

Sore throat feels slightly better after morning shake w/ Emergen-C added.

Rocking a sleepy tea and we'll see how morning feels.

Did not mention sore throat creeping in all week. And I thought yoga was all-healing. ;)

Steiff and Stuff

I seriously love my life. It's full of synchronicities, ironies, and miracles. I'm serious. Not drinking or smoking, I just had my first big cry since, oh, day 101 maybe? Now I'm reminiscing over good childhood travel memories. Watched a chick flick, "It's Complicated", which is so so funny. I love anything with Steve Martin in it, and I consider myself lucky to be able to see him play the banjo live at Red Butte Gardens this Summer. So after the movie my cat pooped in the bedroom again. That kitty in the window is not my cat. Then I cleaned it up. Then I laughed, then I bawled uncontrollably. Then I opened Pandora on the laptop I'm on now and punched in Rocket Empire. Then I saw a Geico ad on the right with "Caveman Mix". So I clicked on it. Then "Here Comes The Sun" came on, followed by "Imagine". The first gave me hope and seemed appropriate and the second reminded me of last weekend's yoga retreat. There's some pics I promised. On Friday during a break I walked up Main Street and said to myself, "How much is that kitty in the window?". I don't think it was for sale.

So after my stuff coming out session and poop cleaning I found this photo of my brother and I somewhere in Europe in 1979. I have quite a few of these. We were lucky enough to travel a lot. He still does. He gave me this bottle from Croatia a few years ago with lavender oil, which I used, and refilled it with some more local lavender oil. I treasure it. He's getting married in two Sundays and I'm in the party. Always a DJ never a bridesmaid...until two weeks from now. I am DJing a wedding this Sunday which will give me some spending money for Maui. Oh yeah, destination wedding! The mouse is a Steiff. My mother loves the brand, and used to give us small parrots and mice Steiffs. Well, she still does obviously! This one was in my Christmas stocking last year. His name is Peky. As you know I've been weepy and sentimental tonight so Peky and I are talking about the good ol' days. Here's a good quote, "These are the good ol' days" ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

Well to bed, to bed, said Molly McGee. And we still don't know who Molly McGee is. I'll explain that one later. Okay I will now. My grandmother used to say that, actually she still might, every time we stay over there. It's hard to say "grandparents' house" when my gramps just passed a year and a half ago. He was 93 and had a fulfilling life. She'll be 91 this November. His sister is 101. Guess my bro and I have high expectations.

I have been thinking tonight that I think I'd love a writing job. I freelanced for City Weekly from 2006-2009. And I took a journalism class in 1989 in my first year of college, which my teacher told me I'd never make it as a writer. I forgot his name but it was at Chapman University in Orange, CA. If you know of anything, give me a heads up.

Good night my friends, Namaste. May the light in me honor the light in you. That's what namaste means. Now you know. ;)

~Smobergirl
Day 121

Song of the day to sing in the car: "Lola" by The Kinks.

The $1,095 denim jacket

I won this in May 2000 from Marie Claire magazine, and I could hardly lift my arms in it, and not even think about buttoning it. I won by sending in a postcard to "Win A Cover Look" they had each month. This was before online contests were invented. Janine Garafolo was on the cover wearing the winning outfit and makeup, and the one I have could be the one she wore for the magazine stated the jacket was a size 4. (I couldn't choose the size). I wore it a whole 2 times in 10 years mainly because the armholes were way too tight for me. But now I'm to the point that I can wear the thing out and actually move in it! About three years ago I wanted to sell it to a consignment shop, but I'd only get about $50-100 for it at the most. The brand is Celine, and yes, it's actually $1,095. So it's going nowhere. I had the rest but they are long gone: Hoop earrings by M&J Savitt, tank top, Gap jeans, and a years supply of Origins cosmetics and skincare. It's damn fun to win stuff. Especially if the clothes fit. ;) Hey if posting the cover here is not legal, could someone let me know so I could just post a link to it? I don't know how the legal jargon works.

Smobergirl
Day 120
4 months on Friday
P.S. I went to an unexpected AA meeting with a friend and it's what I needed. Not just the meeting, but the time with my buddy.

Just thought. Since I was little I wanted to get into drama and most of my life has been just that. Ponderous...

Stinky thought: Worrying what someone thought of me by the tone of voice on phone. Check. P.S. Stinky thoughts are usually that.

Really dealing with life situations easier since that workshop! Being more mellow and dropping the ego.

Morning shake: peaches (in season!), kale, bok, maca, goji, flax, hemp, coco water.

More gibberish: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/jargon

Favorite word of the day: Jargon. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jargon?wasRedirected=true

I have a few pics from the yoga workshop I will post. Had a blast. Waiting for Costco doors to open. Antabuse refill #4.

Which is sad I haven't gotten any in 2 years and spent $400 on contraception. Wah.

Hormones feel pretty much balanced except for a spark here and there, I hope it's the Depo. Should wear off by November.

Feeling pretty bad-ass and dead sexy. Yoga workshops can do that to you.

Finished yoga retreat in Park City. Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Had a miracle on my show today, and good "karma" in the past few days. More to come.

Carrots lose their vitamin A when cooked, but the vitamin C is raised. Cooking is fun chemistry.

Google carrot butter and the Sage's recipe will be the first one. You can also get a pint of it at Cali's.

Cake does not serve me well, however a bit of local seed bread and vegan carrot "butter" does.

Had 1/2 slice cake for friend's B-Day. Felt sick. Need to keep omitting dairy.

Cheered up now! Waist 25 from 28 a month ago biotches! Sure not from 2 days hot yoga but would that be nice.

Had a sad day for no reason. Pretty lonely and scared. Think it's the contraceptive? Bring single for two years? Just me? No wine? lol

Well well. If it is true all I can do is stop and see if I feel better over the months. Thing is it should be in my bod for another 2.

http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/news/2001/06/44562

http://www.survivingdepression.net/copying/depoprovera.html

Is it the Depo?

More anxiety this morning even with maca shake. Think no more Depo shots for me. See what happens.

No desire to drink or smoke. The craves happen every 5-8 weeks the last 2 craves. Captain's log day 108.

That is my shake scale meter. 10 out of 10. Even tho there are 10 ingredients in that one. lol.

Shake: yellow plums, green banana, goji, bok, kale, maca, chia, hemp, flax, raspberry tea. 10!

NOT sore after sweaty power yoga in PC last night. Woo.

It's time to stop beating myself up, over anything. I only make myself suffer.

Don't let anything get you down. Strange, yet my motto for the day. No slip, just sad day. Let's party!!