Zezty!

I admit, I've been eating greasier and sugarier than usual for a week. It's my first Christmas and NYE smober, so I kinda expected as much. However I'm keeping the sizes small and I don't feel sick or sleepy. One example: That's salted caramel gelato (from Vinto) with maple syrup and blackberries. No breakfast. For lunch I met a friend at Bambara and had a grilled cheese with apples and a salad with blue cheese crumbles and arugula. So, good with the bad. just now I had the gelato preceded by a small bowl of sauteed brussels sprouts, chantarelle mushrooms, apple cider vinegar, cumin, curry, tumeric, and hazelnuts with zested ginger root and lemon. It was terrific!

Smobergirl

Feeling good!

It's either the guava juice or the fact that I just watched "Get Him To The Greek" that's making me giddy. There was also a part in the movie where Aldous Snow (the rock star) announces on VH1 that he's 6 months sober. It was awesome. It's really awesome. I feel pretty cool right now. If you are thinking of quitting a bad habit, just do it now. The first three days are usually the worst. Eat everything you want for a month, or if you want to quit overeating, shop and watch all the funny movies with craploads of mineral water that you want. Month three is hard. Month 6 is easy. I'll be 8 months sober and smober (smoke-free according to Quitnet) on January 17. I feel pretty damn good. Look how skeeny I got. No more bullfrog chin. No more Homer face tummy. Bandit's not breathing my smoke. I don't wake up throwing away the bottle and pack in disgust, saying, "never again". No hangovers, no hate facebooking or emailing. I just feel good. Guava is my favorite thing in the world, and this Spring I found a juice not made with sugar or corn syrup. Something about the smell is intoxicating. Maybe I'll go on a guava juice fast.

Like my Christmas jams? Paul Frank is my homeboy.

I'll do the sans coffee starting on the first. It's happening. Dr. Oz says I'll lose 10 pounds if I switch from coffee to tea because the acid in coffee raises your cortisol levels, the stress hormone, and somehow that increases fat, apparently. But I don't necessarily want to lose more, I'm doing it for my mood. Earlier today after glass #2 of iced coffee I started getting irritable. I didn't like that so much. I know coffee is published as beneficial, but so is wine. And I want to see if tea makes me feel better. Honestly I think it tastes better.

Okay night. Sweet dreams and happy bunnies and all that stuff. Oh yeah a boy who I've been crushing on for three years just asked me out. That could be it.

Smobergirl
Day 225 I think.

I'm going to quit coffee on NY's Day. Wish me luck!

Good last day with my mom before her car finally arrived. Ate too well the last 2 weeks. Time to cleanse!

Fondue: A good test for me.

That's because it's made with WINE and kirsh. The alcohol gets cooked out, but I think in the alcoholic's world that's temptation. In AA there's been talk about "Once an alcoholic..." but I was fine with the whole thing. My mom came over, we made it, it was amazing, and I didn't freak. Well just a tad actually when she told me to keep the kirsh because it was terribly expensive. Then I had a second thought. I'm not stupid enough to drink kirsh as a drink. Have you had the stuff? So yeah, I don't want to get drunk for the sake of it. And I don't want a new bottle of Brancott or a 'good red'. I even saw Sideways for the second time at my father's last night and I didn't excuse myself early to drink at home. I didn't even think about it. This is very good news. And the thought of smoking has completely grossed me out since I started the yoga teacher training. I did have to to unbutton my pants after having fondue for dinner and I hope I maintain the weight at 130, but I want to believe that after quitting my metabolism shot up, and that shows that being healthy is beneficial in multiple ways. It's great not to see the scale at 155 anymore. Portia Di Rossi commented in a fashion magazine recently, about her memoirs of being anorexic, that she became really fat before her anorexia at 140 pounds. 140 pounds? Fat? I'm not going to comment. Okay I am. When I was 155 I was a size 7. Oh what a fat-ass! I am yes much happier now, but a size seven is usually not considered fat. Unless you are a famous actress I suppose. The imagery of American women has got to improve.

So the fondue is an occasional treat. I will maybe have it 1-3 times a year. It's addictive while you are sitting in front of a pot of stinky wine-cheese soup. Gah. Danger Dr. Smith. But like I said I didn't want to go to the bottle from there.

Anyone want to buy a spendy 3/4 bottle of kirsh?

Smobergirl
Day 223

Merry Christmas! Just got knickers online, lasts longer than wine. ;)

Huge car update.

#1, my guilt disappeared the next day just because it was something that just happened to both my mother and I, and nothing is worth beating yourself up for, unless you steal a 2010 Mercedes Benz.

#2, the Salem, Oregon police found it two days later abandoned on the road out of gas. The car is scheduled to be towed here tomorrow. Everything is in the car including my mom's cell phone, and the car isn't damaged. Everything is the same except for an extra 815 miles.

#3, the thief appeared at the impound yesterday with the spare key (it was under the seat, that's how he got away in the first place) claiming the Mercedes was his and he bought it in California for $20,000. He was arrested.

This should totally be in News Quirks.


Happy time.


Smobergirl
Day 219

Post 701, month 7 and 1.

I would normally celebrate, well I did yesterday, however my mother's Mercedes Benz was stolen outside of my condo, after I told her I leave it in front of the lobby door with my hazards on all the time when I will step inside for a few minutes. That's how long we took, 5-8 minutes. The guilt I have is hard to stop. She drank a little more than usual and had a cigarette with my brother and his wife. I of course didn't and couldn't drink. The upside is that the idea of smoking was disgusting. She filed a police report, the car is fairly new so her insurance may be able to pay for it. So she even was positive and said, "Hey I'll probably get a new car!" But of course she's bummed. And I need to turn my guilt around too. Our early Christmas was just not as warm and enjoyable. I take that back, there was plenty if not more warmth. But stealing effects everybody.

I am however so stinking proud that her favorite gift was a painting I made. Maybe I can make something out of my art. I already have two showings scheduled for next year.

I'm better. Sure felt stupid earlier. We all make mistakes. Even big ones.

Smobergirl

Insticts.

I was going to call this post "Battlescar Galactica", but the main point tonight is about trusting my instincts. People may say, "that's just life" but I'm going to absolutely trust my gut from here on out.

I thought it was an omen when a friend of mine called at midnight and said she had to get rid of her cat. Her landlord saw the cat after a few months and said no pets. Then this voice in my head immediately said "don't do it". She said it was a 1 yr. old tabby. If I were to get Bandit another playmate I would personally prefer a kitten, or I love those Sphynx hairless cats. I kinda had my own master plan. I didn't feel right getting another right away. Smokey passed about two and a half weeks ago. However I thought well I can help my friend out and take her in, even though it wasn't necessarily my best interest. I even got her a stuffed animal cat to keep her company because she sounded sad. So I get home, and Bandit attacks this poor kitty while I'm holding it, and Bandito is one of the friendliest cats I know. They both go tumbling down on the floor and have this hissing match for five minutes, then I put him in the bedroom. I called my friend back and said it wasn't working. I could had seen if they'd calm down in a day, a week, two weeks; but I and definitely Bandit were not ready. So I took the darling tabby back. She scratched his eye, and you can see what happened to my knees. But when I was alone before and after the situation she was an outright angel. I really liked her and if I didn't have another cat it would have been perfect. However I didn't want to do it in the first place and I am going to follow my instincts from here on out. An experiment I have been meaning to to for quite some time.

So I'm in bed and The Bandit is back to normal. I blotted his head with a little water. I didn't wipe my knees which maybe I should. But I didn't drink! Seven months on Friday.

Breakfast: Oats with passionfruit juice, maca, chia, flax, pomegranate, and walnuts.

Lunch: Shredded brussels sprouts with quinoa, Caputo's amazing truffle mushroom spread, hazelnuts, and yellow tomato. Sea Salt and cracked pepper.

Dinner: Cafe Rio salad. Black beans, lettuce, guacamole, rice, lime, cilantro.

Snack: Five macadamia nuts.

I did pretty well today, and I had, besides the evening, a really happy day. Mood=good. Knees and eye will heal.

Smobergirl

Yawn checking in.

Butternut squash soup at Rose EstB I had with some local bread (just a bit) during my radio shift. Dinner was quinoa with shredded brussels sprouts, toasted hazelnuts, and Caputo's mushroom truffle oil tapenade. I made that one up and it was the bomb. Breakfast was oatmeal and a hard boiled Clifford Farm egg.


Night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...............


Smobergirl
Seven months on Friday.

Can't sleep

Have not had anxieties in a few weeks. Woo. Teacher training gets better.

Cleansing the caffeine

Going off coffee Jan. 1

Just do.

You know the saying "just be"? Well....Like Nike says...

The way to stop procrastinating is to put it off. I had a blast with my guitar tonight. I played a simple Spanish song, more like a repetitive arpeggio practice, but it sounds pretty cool. Then I read my yoga anatomy book. Then I did a great pm. yoga practice. I've been doing pretty much nothing but eat since Smokey was sick then passed. Now I feel that I'm back on my feet again. Last week I indulged in sugar, meat, ODed on caffeine, and had fries and plenty of them. Today I had salads, lemon water, grapes, and salmon. I found a recipe on Everyday Italian for halibut with grapefruit salsa. I got an email with a veggie chili dish. I got avos, brussels sprouts, and ingredients for tzatziki at the grocery store.

Fake it till you make it. Baron Baptiste once said that at the yoga bootcamp I went to four years ago. I was bummed because a yoga teacher student in my class was revved because our teacher is 'her' teacher, and I wished my favorite teacher was ours because that would pump me up more. However, I love the instructors even though I hardly know them at all. So I am going to go to their classes more with the pass I have (we need to attend 20, and any class we want). My fave does teach there, however it's one class on Tuesdays, and at 6am. I was up until 1 this morning so I cancelled my alarm. But I will fake it and make a rapport with the two main teachers, and try to get up at 5:15 next Tuesday.

I am doing well. I have all of my holiday shopping done and I am wrapping this week. I have a pass to Tron IMAX and that should be a total blast. My mom comes into town in two weekend for early Christmas. She needs to be home for my step-father's family. Hey early Christmas. Same with my dad this year. He's going to his Winter home in cali on the 26th. It's wacky I tells ya. But I'm not a stickler for tradition.

Good night,

Smobergirl
Day 205

Sun Day

It is nice outside! None of this -2 degree business. I didn't even wear a coat. I feel great today. I have given to some charities and it feels awesome. I gave to the Utah Food Bank, a KBYU membership for my dad, a new book (Eloise) to the Anthropologie reader's program; and I gotta thank Love Sac for their Cyber Monday $75 off sale. Unfortunately my old cat urinated several times on my old Pillow Sac and it's impossible to get all of the smell out. So I don't know if this is a good deed but I scrubbed it a little more and I'm giving it to the shelter. I think. The new one just came today and it looks like it's 1/2 the size of the condo. I thought it came in one size. We'll see if my cover fits it.

Bandit is having fun under the tree and going through all the bags with wrapping stuff and presents in them.

WOOOOOOOO. Old cover fits new Sac. Now we'll see if shelter wants the pee sac. So embarrassed.

Smobergirl

Fog Day

Eating is fun when you stay in. I had oatmeal with mixed berries and maple syrup this morning. Olive bread crostini with Beehive cheese and roasted red pepper and a kale salad with pumpkin seeds, pumpkin seed oil, cracked sea salt and pepper, and a spiraled golden beet. You have to get a spiral slicer guys. Cheap thrills galore. Then I scoffed 1/4 of Nada Moo. I may have to do a bison burger tonight. Don't worry this mourning food phase will pass. I think. Bandit is cool. He's sleeping in his leopard donught right now. The catnip outside miraculously survived the last few blizzards and I gave him a leaf.

So Dexter tonight. I do want wine but no can do. Meat will have to be a sub. Yeah I'm bumming a bit tonight. Buddha isn't too happy with that. ;) I don't know if he approves of Dexter either. I do know that I need more asana to feel better. (asana=yoga practice)

Smobergirl
Day 202

Feeling better.

Maybe my PMS is coming back. (No time of month on the Depo, and I got off of it last August) Maybe I had stuff bottled up too. You know, just lost a kitty I've had for 15 years, still worried about future work for no tactful reason. Not living in the now! Serenity now now!

Did I tell you some good news? I opened an Etsy shop and I sold my first painting! It's under "eportico". I just need to figure out how to rotate my photos. Help? But yeah that's exciting.

I'm wrapping presents and eating at home. I have spent my wine/cig money and then some on cyber sales, so I cook at home as much as I can. Bandit's doing great. We miss our friend.

Love,

Smobergirl

Had huevos with red pepper salsa. Vitamin c and b. B good for stress. Feel good besides the sad part.

But I ain't boozing or smoking. 200 days. Woot.

I'm just so sad, lonely, weather not helping today.

Okay I need to get over that. I screwed up. Can't
turn back clock. Not putting bag over head. :)

Gah when someone mentions my old work I feel guilty and sick all day. Shoot me.

Day 200!

Yay. Over halfway to one year too. Doing well. Bandit obviously still loves the fountain. Don't be scared by slimy red thing on bread, it's only a roasted pepper. I just have odd feelings about Smokey's bod being in my freezer but it's only two more days. I am a big believer that it is only his body, and his soul is in kitty heaven. Boy do I miss him though of course. I guess I have been suppressing some feelings. But would it make it better if I freaked out? If I rushed him to the vet one more time when he was just lying all glazy-eyed two days ago would he had made it much longer? I don't want to be a what-iffer. Right now I am being accepting. It doesn't mean it hurts any less. Bandit is here for moral support. Yeah I painted that cherry. I have two potential art showings coming up but I may have to make a duplicate of that one. It looks too good in my living room. ;)

I am not drinking. Yeah.....Antabuse is preventing that, but I went to a lovely event tonight with a good friend who knows I quit drinking, so I could not do it in front of her if I wasn't taking the drug anyway. In fact, a lot of people know about my sobriety now. It's cool actually. More people are accepting it than I thought. So this gig we went to, and I found a solution to buying pretty clothes on the cheap, was a fashion show at Beehive Tearoom put on by vintage shop Misc. (200 E. 272 S. downtown SLC) and we got these smokin' robes. Like? I encourage you to partake in Holiday Stroll tomorrow night from 6-9 pm. and check out the shop as well as the stores on 300 South that night. Art Access on 500 West and 230 South will also have the Chow Truck handy. www.chowtruck.com and www.accessart.org

I made a bruschetta with a roasted red pepper slice (Courtesy of the Vegas Trader Joe's. Thanks Mom!) for a snack today. Breakfast was oatmeal and Teechino. Then at Beehive oh I am not the role model today! Two scones with jam, six baby tea sandwiches laden with cream cheese, 1 1/2 shortbreads and a bite of this chocolate mousse cake. Oh and a lot of tea. At least that's healthy. I think my 'time O'month' is coming back. It's been over a month since I've been off the Depo. I sure wanted copious amounts of sugar. There was a table with a wine bottle spread, and yeah it sure looked good, but I wasn't hurting at all. The tea was plenty satisfying, and the robe and a belt purchase. Let me pimp Misc. some more. The prices are dirt dirt dirty cheap! And the clothes are stinkin cute. My robe still has the Vanity Fair label in it. And all the clothes looked like they were from the 40s-60s. I didn't really appreciate the shop until I went to the fashion show. Some of my friends were in it too. It was a fun night. Got my mind off of the Smokester for a while. Well, burial time is Saturday at noon. It should be very nice. It will probably be right by a tree. In the meantime go get yourself a nice velour robe. They're $20, that's a bottle of wine right there. And I get to keep it, it doesn't go wasted. Ha ha, wasted.


Day 200
Smobergirl

Smokey the cat 1995-2010

My oldest died yesterday. He was about 15, went in his sleep, and we even had a peaceful but teary moment together before he went, by the bed on a blanket. He was immoveable and glassy eyed all day and I could had rushed him to the vet, but I let him lay in his familiar surroundings. It is so unfair to beat yourself up. He was a sweet, well behaved cat. Well there was the carpet-peeing thing, however he was the sweetest. Two days ago he was walking around, peered in the bath tub when I was in it, and hung out on the sofa with me so we could watch Bitchin' Kitchen together. The Utah mountain earth where I will bury him (my father's back yard) is frozen, by Saturday there will be a hole waiting for him. So, I pulled a Rubin and Ed and put him in the freezer. Don't worry, he's all bundled up in the blanket with mini calla lily flowers, in a REI boot box, wrapped in plastic. It kills me, then I think it's just his body and hopefully his soul is in kitty heaven playing with my other old cat Aphrodite. It was actually beautiful the way he passed. We had our moment. I pet him for an hour and cried, and his eyes actually started watering. Then I made some lunch, came back and he was gone. Ten minutes or so later The Bandit was chirping at a robin on my balcony, which I never see, and then it flew away. Smokey had a great, comfortable life. In his last few years he became scrawny and weak, as old people get. He got old and frail. He shrunk, so to speak. He was always a sweet, mellow cat. In the last few weeks we had "slumber parties" in the bedroom, which he hardly left. He ate, slept, and did his business there. I had a nice set up with a litter box, food, water, and more blankeys than you could shake a stick at. I kinda miss it. Bandit is doing great, hasn't looked for Smokey, and I'm glad he's here for moral support.


And I'm not drinking or smoking. I am eating more 'comfort foods' like dumplings, pasta, soups, bread, and frozen coconut desserts. Note to self: I don't think I'll eat anything frozen for a while or get ice until Smokey is out of the freezer. I had a bit of a tough time today making iced coffee and occasionally getting into Nada Moo Mint Chocolate Chip. The cool thing is, I'm keeping the portion sizes moderate. I think I want to pig out, then I just don't. Oh and I'm making kale or butter lettuce salads, so I feel pretty responsible still on the eating front. Taking the maca capsules help too.

Day 199
Smobergirl