Not-so stuck.

I love my new doc. I could not get more Antabuse because my health provider no-longer covers it. Oh Health Select, you made me an unhappy girl. Doc was even surprised. So before I got a request note from him asked from HS, he gave me a business pep-talk. He got out of me why exactly I drank and how I feel when I have the craves. So I blurted out that I was afraid of continuous job failure. He's this genuine man who told me that he made $17,000 his first year of practice. He also told me that he's supporting his one son through school and one to help start a business. So I shouldn't feel guilty if my family offered to help me as well. I need a serious attitude adjustment, because I always don't feel worthy. This is also a perfectionist issue. I feel like I should wait until I'm perfect to start a yoga studio or become a chef to start a smoothie book or shop. It's really been the story of my life, that not just anyone can start this or that without serious creds. A lesson I learned today. I have my teaching certificate. Do I need to be Rodney Yee first to start a studio? I think my problem with that is that I'm not serene enough. Please tell me that's BS. During my training I sure felt unworthy because I was a rock DJ and some people were Pitta-bashing. Look it up, and guess who was the biggest pitta there? No not me but the ones pointing fingers at this 'firey' personality. It was so ridiculous. It was like racism really. It got me even more 'fired up', it didn't teach me anything beneficial. Just google dosha types and you'll get an idea. Apparently everyone has a dosha based on body and mind-type: Kapha, Pitta, and Vata. Everyone wants to be a vata because that's the thin body type and sweet personality, even though 'airy' (each dosha has an element). Kapha is heavy, slow, and greedy (earth). Pitta is the big jerk of the family (fire) and turns red easily for physical and emotional reasons. This is ayurvedic philosophy and honestly I think quite judgmental. It's a shame because some of the remedies for each dosha; mostly in the form of tea, diet, and oils; make common sence. But the remedy for being a jerk should be to relax, love yourself, and find a tight support group instead of recommending to avoid spicy foods (which I love) and sour foods. Hmmm. That's not 'fire', smoke is. Smoking makes you irritable, and it literally comes from fire, which makes more sense to ayurveda, but I never saw that mentioned. Alcohol makes you a jerk because you lose all judgment. That would be air, which vata is according to the practice. So why aren't airy types bad? This is all silly jargon to me and I'm going to stop venting now. My main teachers (not the pitta-haters) told me that I have a wonderful personality and a comforting voice. Not jerk-like at all. Yeah, so I need more faith in myself. A lot more.

Love,

Smobergirl