Um, what should I call this...

I'm Still Doing Insanity, or I gained 10 pounds!, or I'm becoming calmer, or, Why Didn't I do strenuous cardio Before? One of those is an appropriate title. You can't do Insanity or any other crazy workout and eat whatever you want, lesson learned. No more dessert, I have to make my own raw versions at home. Plus frozen bananas make a creamy alternative when blended. The Insanity workouts (I'm on day 16) are being effective and they make me feel good. My abs feel stronger, my butt is already getting rounder (awesome!), and my wish is coming true slowly for toned arms. HOWEVER, I gained ten, count 'em, ten pounds. Please tell me part of this is muscle. I did notice more love handlage and bigger thighs. I feel like my body is at an awkward stage, like growing out your hair. Did I say that already before? Well I have been ODing on the ice cream and sweets, not to mention a few frappuccinos and frozen hot chocolates. I'm a cheater I admit it! It's gotta be Summer cuz I'm craving wine so badly that I just go to the sugar. And with all of those gelatos in Europe, I just couldn't stop when I got home. Actually I'm watching Giada At Home right now and she's making a healthy frozen treat out of fruit and honey, that's it. You can substitute and they can be just as good or better then junk food. I also have been eating 'bad' comfort food lately. The workouts make me not hungry at all then ravenous. I need a balance. Insanity does have a cook book that I perhaps should be following. It's five, clean, small meals a day. They are pretty small, now I sound like a grouch. I should dabble in these at least. Because I'm an emotional kind of gal, I do like eating out. When I went vegan a few years ago for lent, I was looking really good. But I was only doing yoga. But I still looked great. I may have to dabble in that also, and when I do eat out I'll probably stick to the vegan cafe's like I did that lent (even though I am not Catholic, it's a great idea), even though Vinto is calling my name right now. I need a balance, and only eat what makes me feel good. That is this blog's game plan you know, and changing the way I think about food, how you should change your perspective as well I believe. What is the food doing to you? What is it doing to your skin? How does it make you feel? Food is not our enemy but our energy. Hey I just made that one up! The worst thing I probably ate during this experiment (or cheating) was the chocolate chipotle bread, even local, that I ate too much of and made myself feel icky. I truly believe that dough makes you doughy!

From starting a regular workout I have been slacking on most everything else. Who do I want to be? I haven't practiced guitar in three weeks and I have a lesson tomorrow. When I play it I feel calm, serene, and it's a great meditation. I'm still waiting on that TV show potential, and I just need to wait for an answer. In the meantime I'm working out and I'll lose the junk so I can look good if I get it. Coffee? That's a struggle still. I'm drinking that local reparative tea and I think it's helping my allergies. What else can I stop procrastinating on? Art, yoga routine writing. I want to keep flowing, listening to my heart, and following instincts too.

Back to food. Look how gorgeous this salad is! I definitely had my fruit fix today. It's lemon spinach, watercress, and romaine with currants, tomatoes, avocado, cantaloupe, pineapple, and watermelon with honey vinegar, grape seed oil, hemp seeds, and cracked sea salt. Get a melon baller! It's too much fun. :) For breakfast I made a creamy smoothie of banana, blueberries, vanilla whey powder, ice, filtered water, maca, flax, and chia. I am still hungry and I'll just eat more often today. Or eat until I am satisfied but try to eat better.

I am taking Antabuse every other day again to stretch it out. I like the tea, it may be more calming than the maca. Again it's a Utah business called The Emperor's Tea.

Smobergirl

Day 471

A good day.

It's been an incredible day for my mind and soul, throw my body in there too. I learned a lot about addiction just by having guests on today who sell local green tea products. They gave me a kit that's supposedly will fix everything: stress, anxiety, allergies, help with focus, arthritis, aid with cancer, I could go on and on. It may sound like malarky but it's excellent timing because you know I am trying my dangedest to switch from coffee to tea like for forever. So I opened up to them and talked about my alcohol and cig quit, and I'm on this health kick anyway, and maybe their product will be beneficial, especially now that coffee, not cigarettes and alcohol, is my last hurdle now. These two men who created the product (www.theemperorstea.com) of course talked about the benefits of this particular loose leaf green tea and one of them is a doctor who uses nanotechnology for the kit which they call their Rejuvenation System. We'll see. It may sound like a candidate for a cheesy informercial product, and I can be more skeptical than the average person but I have it in my hands, and like I said before, I'm more than willing to be a guinea pig for you.

And speaking of, the Insanity is working. It's been only two weeks and I'm already seeing a slighter definition in my arms and torso, and my butt is rounder thanks very much. My friend who co-owns a local cafe does it and she lost a lot of weight and looks amazingly tight. She did P90X before, but she likes this better because it's shorter and it flies by. Again, I hope you don't think I'm getting on the informercial bandwagon here. I'm not here to sell anything nor do I work for these companies. I just want to be healthy and I am willing to experiment. Mainly because I have a lot of free time, nothing to lose, and I have been sad and lonely. The workout has yoga in it and is making me more flexible already, and I am influenced to do more yoga after the workout and on my off days. I gave myself a foot massage tonight from a reflexology video and did a bunch of yoga hip openers, screaming in pain. Yes it was a good day! I so needed to do that. Now I feel all loosey goosey in the hippage. It also calmed my mind, and the more I take care of myself the less I want to give into the craves. I still have them, but #1 the Antabuse is saving me, and #2 the craves go away, per the usual, after about 5 minutes. I also witnessed a friend's drunk behavior last Saturday night, and he could have been on something else too. He threatened a bouncer at a club that he had a gun in his bag, and six police cars arrived soon after. There was no gun, but depressingly my friend, who I met and haven't seen since two years ago doing business with him, was not in his right mind. I hate to keep in check because of his tragedy, but it absolutely did. Despite that I am growing and becoming healthier and happier, and the good luck seems to keep coming. More on that later because...

...I am beat and need to crash, but I'm still making smoothies (kale, flat leaf parsely, grapefruit, currents, and acai this morning) and I'm getting off the dairy wagon again soon but I got on the lean meat one. Still experimenting. I still eat grains and lots of raw food. I made an amazing watermelon, radish, arugula, and watercress salad today for lunch. Then I had a pork chop with local tomatoes and tomatillo salsa at the aforementioned cafe. There could have been butter and blue cheese in it, my apologies. Emotional eating took place there. I also got off the ice cream truck. I will dearly miss it. I caught myself eating more and more sweets, and I don't want that to snowball. Again, all from emotions.

Sweet dreams,

Smobergirl

I'm going 'insane'

Insanity week 3 starts on Tuesday, tomorrow is my day off. I had a 'fat' day today and realized that my upper torso was getting that sexay 'V", so it made my love handles below look even bigger. But my butt is also getting shapelier. Insanity is definitely working, and I need to chill. It's like growing out your hair. I feel like I'm at an 'awkward phase' for some reason. Last night I had a big event and wore a tube dress with a million ruffles on it and I was looking fluffy but I didn't feel sexy. Then I thought my arms looked fat, and I wasn't being a happy camper at all. I was regretting the shakes, not the healthy ones but I've been eating frozen hot chocolates and soy shakes. Not to mention ice creams that I've been pounding all Summer. I also went back to eating meat and had the most succulent duck with blueberries for dinner tonight. Y'know, this coffee madness has to stop too. I don't feel good when I drink it, and sometimes I don't even like the taste. I get iced coffees because I 'have to have them'. It's an addiction. I have to test this Dr. Oz theory and see if I can trim up by quitting coffee. I have to muscle up. Plus I've been irritable all Summer. It's either the sugar, caffeine, not meditating or doing enough yoga (I know shame on me), career issues; or a mix of all or some of these.

So I really don't know what my body is doing, am I getting fitter or fatter? I like Insanity because you do a little yoga which is awesome. It's late, stuff has been coming up, and I need to quit the coffee and sugar now. The meat I can debate about later. The thing is in the past year, even more so this summer, I've been getting copious amounts of compliments. I think my deal is that I'm still lonely and I don't feel good enough, for a relationship or a career. However I look better, my family and friends are proud of me, and the good luck seems to keep creeping in. I also don't have the paranoias I had when I was a wino, and that is a huge, huge reward.

Smobergirl

Day 469

Smobriety is great!

Especially since SLC is having bad air quality. My lungs already feel gross. It's sad, but it could be much worse if I were smoking.

Well I've had no coffee today so far. I made a fantastic iced tea with Tea Forte's Raspberry Nectar. It tastes like Jell-O. I added local honey, frozen raspberries, and lemon slices.

My mood has been improving, especially since I have a full-time media job potential, I hung out with yogini girl friends last night, and I'm having dinner at a friend's house tonight and he's a really good cook.

I continue Insanity day 10 tomorrow. Today is a yoga break for me. I'm supposed to do a Cardio Recovery DVD, which I did last week, but my yoga gal pals do yoga instead. I'm already noticing more shoulder, bicep, and tricep tone, and I see more definition in my abs already. Last week was brutal though trying to walk. It burns, it burns in the calves!

Oh man, a lesson in not buying junk food! I had to get $20 at the BBQ place yesterday for the Groupon, and a friend of mine surprisingly works there! He said the jerky was amazing. Uh oh. It was local and without additives, etc, and my junkie mind just went for it. And it has jalepenos. My yoga teachers would be so disappointed. Jerky is a childhood past time and I have a hard time eating it in moderation. My brother and I would eat a huge can each during boating trips on Lake Powell (P.S. Powellpolooza is mid-September!). However, I am trying to pay attention how my body feels on food and a much as I want to clean the entire bag right now, I had about 5 medium slices. Maybe six. I feel the effects of the salt I think in my eyes a bit and I'm a little sleepy, but man it was good. I had a pineapple-cilantro-coconut smoothie for breakfast and zucchini noodles with cashew 'alfredo' and endive spears I made for lunch. Then My tall, hot blonde friend is making Indian tonight. :)

Pineapple-Cilantro shake with a coco twist:

1/4 pineapple, 1 small buch cilantro, 1 cup coconut water, 1 tsp coconut oil, 1 persian cucumber, 1 cup ice, 1 tsp maca, chia, and flax.

Smobergirl

See the blessing in everything.

Well, it's been an eventful week. For one, I lasted 1 day without coffee. This is funny. But not. But it is. I saw it coming because I gave my password and birthdate to what I thought was an email from Microsoft Network. I received a similar one about six months ago and ignored it because I smelled a scam. However a week later my msn email was canceled, like the email said would happen if I didn't supply personal information. I eventually got it back up and running again, but it sure was a pain without it because it was connected to all of my accounts. So On Sunday I get another of these emails and this time I follow instructions. Oops. On Monday morning I'm getting swamped with phone calls and Facebook emails either saying I got scammed, or if I'm okay. This is what they received, friends and family, via email or Facebook message:

Hi, I'm sorry to disturb you with this. I am in London,England now due to urgent matter. I'm in a terrible situation. I really need your help with a loan of US$2,000. I'll explain the situation better once i get back this weekend. If you can help out with the money or whatever funds you can come up with will be greatly appreciated. I really need you to get back to me as soon as you get this email. Please keep this between us.

Thanks,
portia


It wasn't spam for Viagra, it was a personal email with my name on it. Creepy. But does this look realistic to you? Didn't think so. On top of that I was on the internet live that day. I immediately cancelled my credit cards. My msn email was hijacked, with the password and security question changed. Doubly creepy. I was so distraught I gave in and...got a large iced coffee. I'm still not off of it. Plus my time of month hit that day, so I craved that and sugar even more. The sorry sad thing is that if I wasn't on Antabuse, I might had drank. However I really didn't care how I felt on coffee, but the weird thing was that I'd only drink about 3-4 ounces then stop. The beauty of this hacking though was that I had a lot of junkmail in there anyway. I also changed all of my accounts except for itunes, which I'll get around to. Also, a lot of friends, even an ex-boyfriend, came out of the woodwork, so I got to keep up with them! Hey if it takes that to catch up with them...It's funny, a Friend from France almost had her friend vacationing in London rescue me. Can you believe it.

On a different note, I started Insanity on Tuesday, and it's kicking my calves to the curb. I'm finishing each DVD though, if barely. The first one is a fit test and I did take about a 5 minute break instead of 30 seconds halfway through. Each workout is 30-55 minutes and the first month ones are no longer than 40. Today, day 4, was cardio recovery, but don't be fooled by 'recovery'. There was no sweating buckets involved like the other three days, but a lot of squats, balances, lunges, and power yoga. It was more burn than sweat. The program is 60 days, 6 workouts a week. If I don't get soccer calves by October I'll be thoroughly disappointed.

My friend took my "before" photos and it was a riot. I decided to be 'creative' and make muscle man and cheeseball faces. I wonder how the Beachbody folks will take those. You have to send them in, and after your "after" photo, they'll send you a free t-shirt. Bonus. The only drawback was that I had trouble falling asleep, and last night I got about 2-3hours! I expected instead to sleep like a baby. Or was it subconscious trauma from the email hacker? The PMS perhaps? OR...too much caffeine? Hmmm?

Smobergirl

Day 459

Coffee and Dr. Oz

Oof, and emotional eating. This is why I don't like to buy bread. It's always in my kitchen calling my name. I just had some with spicy hummus after I ate the chocolate. I never learn from my blogs. j/k. I did have an emotional day in my head. Now I know better. I hope...

Before I forget I have to talk about the coffee dilemma, which I've been meaning to for months now but I keep forgetting to. I think I'll finally make the tea switch, I'm ready. Didn't I say a long time ago ago that I got a Dr. Oz email saying that one can lose 10 pounds from making the switch because coffee has acids which trigger cortisol levels? I could have sworn I did. So I want to experiment. Geez why did I get that yummy local bread round from Park Silly Market? Because it told me that everything was going to be alright. Ha. At least I have a Zumba class in the morning, kale in the fridge, and Insanity should be here no later than Tuesday.

I have some coffee in the pantry, which I could make into a shower scrub:

DIY Coffee Grounds Body Scrub
5 tsp. ground coffee (used coffee grounds are fine)
1 tsp. sugar or salt
2 tsp. essential oil (the site below recommends avocado but I may try olive oil)

Read more: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/diy-coffee-body-scrub.html#ixzz1V3tzegKx

I think I'll try that tonight and wash my hair-spray heavy head. I did the Bjork buns yesterday for Craft Lake City. You know I was pretty darned cute. Bets are all on PMS. I have to show you the photo of me trying on a crocheted bikini top made by my friend who wants to lend me a space for yoga classes! I can't believe I haven't told you that story. Coincidence, karma, call it what you will. It's a godsend! My friends keep asking where I teach (nowhere publicly) and when my next class is. I hope to get them out there. I think it will be amazing. I actually sure hope so anyway. You know when I called my AA friend tonight, he also said he started meditation nights to help others out. He told me why don't I do the same to get out of my own head and start helping others? Hmmm.

Okay now that I want to shower Bandit decides to finally snuggle with me on the couch. I did go to a pet adoption today. Do you want another buddy like Smokey or do you like being man of the house now? Only if I spoke Bandit.

So it's on. I'm done with coffee. I don't care if it's the bread or PMS talking. It makes me feel icky and irritable sometimes and what if it is actually producing cortisol and making me more squishy? We'll soon find out!

Smobergirl

Is the food eating you?

Hi there. It's been a while since I've blogged. My mom was in town and I was a bit occupied, and spoiled. There was so much going on in the week she was here. Craft and art events, shopping, Park City, eating...it was a blast! I got some nice jewelry and fun crafts. We went to the Park City Arts Festival, the farmer's market, and an event which I emceed one of the stages, Craft Lake City. The latter is a craft and artisan fair, all local, with 19 bands and two stages this year. This was the third annual and there were 180 crafters, 50 more than last year. I looked pretty, got a ton of complements, and felt like a princess. Then I got the stinkin thinkin' today. This is what went through my head: "My friends and musicians complemented me is because I'm a radio personality and they are always nice to my face. I really have a double chin, fat arms, and I'm not that smart and maybe people in the media hate me. They probably do. I hate my mean ex-ex boss and I wish I could tell him off. How could someone be so horrible? Why did I stay in radio if I'm such a dingbat? I wish I wasn't on Antabuse so I could have some wine. God I'm lonely. How could my neighbors say that they can't believe I don't have a boyfriend? I don't believe I don't have a boyfriend! What the heck?" Then I called an AA buddy, actually the person who got me the job at the internet station I'm at now. He did what he said people do to him, he calls someone, then gets back down to earth so to speak, and sees things in a more positive perspective. He's a guy who is brutally honest with me, that's why I called him. It was scary because I'm not even trusting myself. I wanted what's true about me through others, and it's like I couldn't even tell myself who I am. #1, I didn't trust. Not the stinkin' thinkin', but other than that every day I think I'm usually hot or thinner or doing a good thing or being a great example or being a fantastic pet owner. Then I see a photo of myself or friends tell me to get another cat or that it's impossible to get a book published or yoga teachers are like massage therapists and it all goes to pot. I like and never use that phrase "goes to pot". That's fun to say. So I call my friend I the first thing I say is "Hi, I'm in the dumps, you told me to call if I needed to." The last time I called him, I wanted to shut him off forever because he was pretty curt. He said yoga never solves anything and "What do you want me to say?" After I called in tears over a year ago. We were FBing last night and this comes out of his chat message, or email. hey it's BOTH now on Facebook. :) Love ya FB. He says, "" aw GAWD I forgot and lost the quote. Well it was something like "Really, you can always call me if you need to", like he meant it and maybe he knew he was a little too harsh and distant last time. I'm just pissed right now that I can't even trust my own love for myself. Now I'm gonna cry again. But the lesson is that I let the hate eat me.

And that's a metaphor get it??? (LMAO). I crack me up. During my yoga teacher training one of the teachers had a lecture on mindless eating, and addictions. What struck a chord for me, and helped me eat less, is him talking about how you keep eating things like popcorn or little snacks especially, and he said are you really eating the food at a certain point or does it start to eat you? "I had this pipe I really liked which I'd take a few puffs from about once a week. Then that turned into three times a week, then every day. Suddenly I found myself smoking this nice pipe instead of doing kalari or reading or meditating. It was also eating me." Sounds like someone I know who drank too much wine and smoked too many cigarettes. SO tonight I made a really nice dinner of grilled shrimp, corn, asparagus and cherry tomatoes. I baked sweet potato fries and served them with natural Moroccan catsup and dijon mustard. Then I had two chocolate-covered fruits and three raw macaroons. Too much. I emotionally ate the chocolate. I'm going to be okay. I need to take compliments and not rip myself apart. I need to get out of my head and stop thinking that people are not truthful to my face. They have no need to kiss my ass. Maybe the bands but...lol...I'm fine. Yeah maybe my period is right around the corner, thought about that one. At least the chocolate was either dark or vegan and raw. lol. And I had fruit. And I stopped at some point, ha. But that's your lesson too. Take compliments and don't let food or negative thinking eat you.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 454

My inner gorilla.

I don't think I've been to a Zumba class for at least three months, and today there was a dance where you swing your arms about like a monkey, so I channeled my 'inner gorilla' and swung around almost the entire class, making my body heavy and loosy-goosy too. It felt awesome and the fluidity of the monkey dancing made my endorphins rise as well as the sweat. Everyone sweats buckets during Zumba. It feels so great.

I had a leftover kale and cherry smoothie before Zumba, and for lunch I made my first stuffed mushrooms ever (so easy) and raw zucchini noodles with marinated mushrooms in garlic, lemon juice, and olive oil. Delicious. I also had the rest of a vegan chocolate cake from Oasis. Hey I did my Zumba! ;)

Smobergirl
Day 448

Wanderlust

It was cleansing, gorgeous, vibrationally good, and a blast overall!

It was awesome. The air was so fresh. I had smoothies everyday, they were everywhere! Michael Franti played guitar for a yoga class before he performed with Spearhead that night. How many times do you get to experience that? I met Shiva Rea, Seane Corn, and John Friend. I bought cute yoga clothes and a straw cowboy hat. (I always wanted the perfect straw cowboy hat, which was a wine and cig money price: $38) The gondola at Squaw Valley was breath taking. I learned how to do a handstand from Bakasana and back, as well as how to teach a creative class. It was honestly my vacation from my vacation. No offence to the Mediterranean or cruise ships, but wanderlust was right up my alley: Calming, soothing, sweaty, and fun, smiling people everywhere.

Smobergirl

In-line skating

I don't do it enough, and it's one of my favorite exercises. I went to the park and skated about four miles. That felt fantastic. I slathered on the SPF (a controversial issue now, I'll do some research) and I'm going again this morning. I had leftover kale and frozen berry smoothie (with chia, maca, goji, hemp, and flax) and a bowl of non-fat plain Greek yogurt with oats, buckwheat, dried pomegranate seeds from Trader Joe's (my mom sent them from the Vegas store) and apricots. Yum! I'm making iced coffee and I'll have water also for the skate. I feel happier (I was in the dumps there for a while) and maybe it's because I went to a meeting after the skate. I honestly had a little crush on someone there so that was my incentive, plus I looked glowing and sexy post-workout. Maybe I was just stinky, but I didn't care. ;)

Smobergirl

Day 444

Antabuse

It's working timelier than ever now because I have craved so badly in the last three weeks. Maybe I thought I deserved to drink because it's been so long, not sure, but it's been bad. I've eaten a ton of Trader Joe's chocolate and crackers because of this, and just wolfed down a substantial amount of a parmesan block. I haven't gained any weight though, and I am anxiously waiting for Insanity (crazy workout by the PX90 guys) to arrive so I can have an excuse to eat somewhat healthy junk, like the wheat-meat 'buffalo wings' and peanut butter chocolate soy shake I had last night watching "Rio" in DKNY sweats I bought at Costco. That was quite fun actually.

I'm now drinking a frozen berry, kale, flax, greens, and coconut water shake I made. Pretty satisfying.

Well I'm off to a painting class.

Smobergirl

It's even impairing my spelling ability.