Insanity week 3 starts on Tuesday, tomorrow is my day off. I had a 'fat' day today and realized that my upper torso was getting that sexay 'V", so it made my love handles below look even bigger. But my butt is also getting shapelier. Insanity is definitely working, and I need to chill. It's like growing out your hair. I feel like I'm at an 'awkward phase' for some reason. Last night I had a big event and wore a tube dress with a million ruffles on it and I was looking fluffy but I didn't feel sexy. Then I thought my arms looked fat, and I wasn't being a happy camper at all. I was regretting the shakes, not the healthy ones but I've been eating frozen hot chocolates and soy shakes. Not to mention ice creams that I've been pounding all Summer. I also went back to eating meat and had the most succulent duck with blueberries for dinner tonight. Y'know, this coffee madness has to stop too. I don't feel good when I drink it, and sometimes I don't even like the taste. I get iced coffees because I 'have to have them'. It's an addiction. I have to test this Dr. Oz theory and see if I can trim up by quitting coffee. I have to muscle up. Plus I've been irritable all Summer. It's either the sugar, caffeine, not meditating or doing enough yoga (I know shame on me), career issues; or a mix of all or some of these.
So I really don't know what my body is doing, am I getting fitter or fatter? I like Insanity because you do a little yoga which is awesome. It's late, stuff has been coming up, and I need to quit the coffee and sugar now. The meat I can debate about later. The thing is in the past year, even more so this summer, I've been getting copious amounts of compliments. I think my deal is that I'm still lonely and I don't feel good enough, for a relationship or a career. However I look better, my family and friends are proud of me, and the good luck seems to keep creeping in. I also don't have the paranoias I had when I was a wino, and that is a huge, huge reward.
Smobergirl
Day 469
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