This is an important rule. I was the queen of beating myself up now I have to realize I am only human, and not the dumbest, craziest, clumsiest (name an adjective)...
I am 41 and I repeated something I had done yesterday (a mistake) when I was 21. Immediately I think, "I am stupid, I will always do this, I'm lazy, not focused. Just fire me!" Then I came home today from running errands, had a cry, and decided to stop the inner abuse. Reasons why I drank and smoked: Loneliness, it felt good, and to escape the feeling that everyone thinks that I am a total moron. I also grew up being teased and my first job I was excited about I was ridiculed by co-workers. I just made a mistake. I get another shot at just focusing more and taking the job more seriously next week, and I need to wipe away the mean co-workers and bully classmates who don't exist anymore. Also is it me, but the more nervous I get the 'dumber' I seem. Sometimes I can't even speak in real sentences when I'm on edge. Please tell me this is normal. Hmmm maybe I'll google that. Or, you are what you think. Say, you think, "I hope I don't screw up" and of course you do because you thought that. Is the mind that mysterious? "No, you're just an idiot." :) With the first job yesterday where I made the mistakes, I was actually highly praised for my strengths. I was just reminded to be sharper using the equipment. That wasn't an insult. My fingers were not being quick that's all, but my mouth was perfect. Now I don't have to tell you that we humans are very talented at looking at the crappy stuff we did and forgetting our real talents.
At my second job last night, however, I cared less what people thought and of course I nailed everything.
Lessons...
I'll focus and relax next week and give you a full report.
Never beat yourself up. Always pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Pat your back often.
Love,
SG
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