Arthur

I saw the new version today, then I watched the original on my computer (Netflix). The new one is so charming and pretty true to the original with a few tweaks. Being the heiress to a couple of tire chains, being a former drunk, buying toys, giving money that's not mine to charity, and being a bum partially I'm kinda like the guy. I know people read this but I am throwing my ego out the window worrying what y'all think of me. I've spent most of my life feeling guilty and ashamed. Yes I'm sober. :) Watching the movies inspired me but made me think a little too much. If you know me you know I'm a superb analyzer. I hope you also know I'm not a greedy or bad person. And I worked, had the dream job, I just didn't make any money doing it. And what I love to do now is mostly volunteer work. Because I can or that's what's available. I even DJ for free sometimes because of the recession I guess, and/or I'm too nice. Do you have to be a jerk to make money?

I have still been sad the last couple of days. Stuff is coming out. I have craved the last three nights but that goes away in about 15 minutes or so. Then I did something else like painted, gone to the coffee shop, or watch the old Arthur on my computer with a bottle of Kombucha instead of wine.

I actually questioned myself if I am clinically depressed. I did this in high school. I went to a shrink when my parents divorced and she said I wasn't, but offered me Zoloft anyway, and I felt great on it until my wrists went numb one day and I freaked out. Not necessarily because of that, but I have been anti-perscription most of my life since. Antabuse was a necessary exception, and I didn't feel any side effects. However now, I don't know if this sadness is from the guilt, being burned out, both, or a chemical imbalance. Maybe the sadness is a detox, because I've been lifting weights and running along with my yoga the last two days. I thought vigorous exercise made you happier. lol Speaking of, I can't walk or lift my arms, but it's a good sore right? I got a wild hair after most of my illness passed, and said, "That's it, no more flabby arms!" Since college I've had these 'obese' arms and they always drove me crazy. I finally stumbled across a Tosca Reno email, and she said what I hear a lot: If you just do cardio you'll just be a smaller version of your fat self. You have to lift weights. Plus, it's great for your bones anyway and especially when you get older. I'm not saying 39 is old but it's not too early to start. I also found out yesterday that Jack LaLane died last January. he was 96. Not too shabby. I thought he was going to make it past 100. How can a cigar-smoking comedian live to be 100 when the health and exercise guru only makes it to 96? :) Laughter and young women?

Love,

Smobergirl