I'm back. I have been slipping and this time I completely scared myself. I'm not in trouble so don't get this post wrong. Of course I picked an internet fight with someone and I said some horrible things. However, on the other side I usually get ignored instead of something like say a restraining order (I always think the worst). No I didn't get one, that's just my imagination getting ahead of me. I think I'll be fine. I may see this person over the weekend but that will be the worst case scenario. We may happen to be at the same event. I also volunteer at a summer event series where he/she may show up. That's kinda scary. So that could be the worst. I did apologize and explained my situation. AA is right, you can't change your pattern for the better and I know what the definition of insanity is already.
I feel horrible. I'm still a little scared. I wish I had $78000. so I can lock myself up in that Malibu rehab. I took a bath, felt like a complete moron, and lay down next to my cat on the floor. Then I thought to myself, "Look at me. I am literally curled up in a ball wanting to die on the floor sobbing with the cat." You know that phrase 'I feel like curling up in a ball in the corner?' It was just like that. I finally did it.
The karma part is that Groupon has a Bikram unlimited monthly class offer today, and I jumped on it. It's either going to cleanse or kill me. Ha ha. I also made a cleansing watermelon, mint, raspberry, and coconut water drink (smoothie blog). I'm going to an outdoor yoga class tonight and Bikram starts tomorrow. The other karma part is burning bridges with people who I happen to run into afterwards. It is a small city. Right now there's not that many but, the weird karma is, all of them except for two will probably be at the same event this weekend.
Not beating self up. I'm off the floor and on the sofa now.
Love,
Smobergirl
Day one.
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