Stuff definitely came out today, more so in a very long time. I went to yoga tonight and cried all the way home. Yogis say sometimes twists and hip openers can bring out emotions. It was kinda a crappy day eh? However I knew how to calm down. I freaked out over not emailing the bride my playlist today so she could weed out songs. That's what she asked for. It's going to be time consuming, and is that disrespectful? I hope she's not mad. I think I'm in a state where I just wanted to take care of me today. I realize I freak out much more than necessary. It's this pattern: Freak, realize it's probably nothing, chill. It's good, as an old shrink taught me, to write down a 'demented thought', then write down a realistic one. Makes ya feel better. So does a candle, and even more importantly grilled cheese in your Christmas panini maker!
Crusty chibatta (yeah it's white bread sue me) with parm, white cheddar, and this stuff on sale at Whole Foods. Basil and tarragon, 1/2 an avocado. Tomato soup. Booya: Comfort dinner! Now I can sleep like a baby.
Seriously, I'm so thrilled to get into Tin Angel next month. (art showing) Painting is a meditation, and my savior right now. I even enjoy it more than my mobile DJ stuff because there are no expectations. I don't get nervous about if I'm pleasing anyone. If I do it right I could get paid as much or more even. And people love my art. I think that is more rewarding than saying, "Oh this is my favorite song!". Maybe I should rethink what gigs I should and should not do, maybe being more selective will be better for my well being. There is this gig I do every year that's the only one I get full gratitude from and that's Queer Prom every Spring. The kids have a ball and I have a partner so I don't get all the pressure. And watching kids in the minority be in an environment of love, respect, and fun is more rewarding than painting anything.
Smobergirl
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