My yoga teacher had a really bad day, and most of it seemed like it was her just beating herself up. It's obvious that she gets more people in her class than any other teacher at that particular studio. There is probably no one more caring than her whom I know. She works hard and is extremely passionate about anatomy and what is best for a healthy body. So why?
I then got my wheels turning today. I was kinda picked on in school, always the C student, had to stay after in class a few times because I didn't understand something or didn't do well. Then in junior high this 'theme' started. People would hear I exceeded in something, in piano or diving or art, to find out I wasn't that spectacular at it. I remember a teacher at Theater School For Youth told me regarding being cast for a scene, "You are it? I was told you were one of the best actresses in the school". When I was hired by a popular Utah radio station in 1993, the PD told me, "I thought you had more control." So can you blame me when I don't think I'm good for any man I like? One old boyfriend told me I wasn't a 'go-getter', another told me to be a business major because art and radio won't pay the bills and that I "don't have to lose weight, but if you want to go to a gym...". So it came to the point after my two unsuccessful dates in a row earlier this year, or one date and one booty call, (and hey at least I HAD 2 dates this year already! But I guess that was before their disappointment...) that I actually asked a few friends if there was anything wrong or dumb about me. They said no. Yogis practice living (or say they do) (or they should) live in the now but I guess I am still sad. That one night stand, for a one night stand, was so intimate for me, then 3 hours later I get kicked out and never got a phone call. It's like should I know that was going to happen? Did I stay too long? Is it because I asked to sleep over that freaked him out? Listen to me, I'm making it all about him. Like I said in earlier posts, I also have a thinking problem, it wasn't just drinking. Another yoga teach said I need to get out of my head. True dat. Sensitive, caring people ( and yes I think I am one of them) tend to get their feelings hurt easily. And who do those people think they are? My poor teacher was torn between vinyasa yoga and being told she should do traditional hatha, apparently. I personally prefer vinyasa flow myself and I hate that argument on traditional vs power yoga anyway. Is it me or do we consistently all seek approval from others and don't trust ourselves. I have to shut up because I answer to me, and I think I'm pretty gosh darn spectacular. My thinking had sure been smelly there at the start of 2011. Here's to being more fragrantly pleasant. ;)
Thank you for letting me vent. I'm still smober and healthy. Yoga was great today, my teacher kicks ass wether she knows it or not. At my art showing I got huge praise, also for my physique because I lost all that weight. (I was dead sexy, never took one photo). Today I did a lotus posture standing on my head. There may or may not be a picture of that.
Bon nuit,
Smobergirl
8 months and 6 days
No comments:
Post a Comment