Or not text post!

Dangit it split posts again. LOL I'll try either to keep the text posts short in the future.

y face looks healthy. No regrets here not losing a ton of weight by quitting bad habits like I hoped. I'm just happy to be healthier really! The yogis ar

ee class on or the day before or after my birthday. Sweet. First smober birthday tomorrow. Bring it on!

~Smobergirl

e still keeping track of me too. One of my instructors wished me a happy early birthday on Facebook, and I got and email from a yoga studio offering a fr

reaming. I will do one show twice a week, and cardio 3-5 times per week. The scale says I haven't lost any weight but my shirts fit a little better and m

nce. The last two weeks of smobriety have whizzed by, to think I couldn't do it longer for 5 days since 2002. Crazy. I think about wining and smoking sti

he. She has different 40-minute weight lifting segments done to club music. It is inspiring and seems effective. I did one yesterday and my biceps are sc

Yay. My brother is getting married in three months and I have decided to banish my thick arms or die trying. There is a show I record on FitTV called Cat

sure by 6 months I'll think much differently. I took my first routine 6-week liver test at the clinic where I got Antabuse and my liver is still normal.

ll, I even thought the other night to screw everything after my 6 months and be a drunk just because I had a bad day. Don't worry, not gonna happen. I'm

d and enjoy. The Utah Arts Fest was too short. The music was better than ever, standing room only for the independent films, and there was record attenda

I Can't-aloupe smoothie:

-1/2 scooped out cantaloupe
-1 Cara Cara or other orange
-1 tsp honey or agave
-1/4 cup walnuts
-1/4 cup water
-Ice cubes

Blen

ys

d I have a bunch of old canvases and art supplies waiting to be used up. Better get crackin'. That art gallery deadline is in a week!

~Smobergirl
38 Da

nd learn to appreciate it. And I always dicover things I didn't know I had, or I learn how to "shop in my closet" and mix outfits up. Stuff like that. An

o taking a bunch of clothes not worn in the past year to the consignment store I like. I seem to get checks regularly there, it's a popular place. Also n

birthday is Monday. I expect a few checks hurrah! You know, as weird as it seems it is fun to go into "survival mode". You realise how much you do have a

o more impulse shopping. For my beloved jetted baths I still plan to get EO's Hinoki Ginger salts on Tuesdays at Whole Foods. (15% off body products and

supplements on Tuesdays woot!) And I'm working on making the teas and coffees at home and not trying to buy them out. So that's the Summer plan. Plus my

and to get back into my yoga-body clothes as well, I vow to eat 99% of my meals at home for a while. Actually that's the best plan for any diet. I am als

e other is volunteering for a non-profit event. Yeah I'm trying to be a good samaritan. In my recovery shopping has really taken the edge off. Oops. So,

ety when I awoke. I'm not working but I have funds saved that will get me by through the Summer. I have two DJ gigs in a week but one is for trade and th

Good morning!

I woke up at 5:45 and I wide awake and refreshed. Hmmm. While I'm motivated I'll get on the treadmill and lift. I had a little money anxi

Walking to the farmer's market it's warm and breezy. I did 20 jumping jacks and ran in place for a while when I got out of bed. My energy is back. I got a nice surprise phone call last night around 6 from my step-mom asking if I wanted to see Joss Stone. It was a last-minute plan but we both rushed over to Red Butte Gardens and found a space in the third row. It was amazing and I was truly inspired by Joss' message of peace and her adorable humor. Today is the annual chalk art festival and some of the art just blows me away. Got my SPF 55 on and I'm ready for a great morning.

~Smobergirl

The anxiety has not been intense when it arises, and actually the guilt has dramatically diminished. Granted I had bad behavior and I can apologize a bit more if I wanted to, but I just want to move on. Maybe I'll make fun of all the craziness I went through in the future, and you know I think it may even be laughable.

I'm getting into DJ mode again, as I'm listening to a favorite techno band from Tijuana (yes) that would be perfect for a Vivace benefit I'm doing on my birthday. Gotta take a guitar lesson but I'll be back.

~Smobergirl

Happy one month to the cripple!!!


Finally, since 2002 I have suceeded being sober and smober for one month. I celebrated by getting a bunch of stuff I needed at Ace hardware and pulling the muscle on my right back ribs by holding down the side plank on my kitchen counter letting glue set. The only other time I hurt my back ever was doing yoga last year going from...get this irony...plank pose to side plank. Wonk wonk!! I have no desire to drink, just happy I had ibuprofen. I really don't think any bad or tragic situation could make me want to wine up. I basically drank because it was a nice wind down at night, and the only reason I'd drink to relieve pain would be if I felt lonely. And sometimes I'd only want one glass, and sometimes I wanted to go through a bottle. And sometimes that would lead to almost two. Now I have to baby my back today, but I am so grateful I made it this far. Other than being crippled I wake up refreshed, I have more energy, and I have a sence of well being (the anxiety attacks are not as strong anyway lol). I went baxk to sessions with Vinca and I will elaborate in my next blog. One month! Woo.

~Smobergirl

I just got my teeth cleaned today. Some stains were present and were removed. That sure felt awesome. "Freak Week" has poured into this week but I am learning to handle the magnifyed emotions better. I'm going back to Vinca and our first session is in an hour. I freaked out about my DJ equipment not being reliable with burned CDs, and maybe it's time for new stuff and an mp3 player. Then I made a huge salad and instantly felt better. I tell you something about fruit and crisp veg (and $45 balsamic vinegar) really brightens my mood. I had farmer's market mixed greens and radishes, watermelon, blueberries, quinoa, green onion, shitakes, Persian cucumber and celery. It worked out fabulously, with the vinegar, hemp seeds. and sea salt on top. I had my Tree Hugger granola for breakfast. I am having a meal now of a hand made nut burger and guacamole in romaine leaves with a soy shake. I'm doing pretty good today. I'm not so worried about the DJ stuff now, and my birthday is coming up so what better timing!

~Smobergirl

See the blessing in everything.

Good Saturday to ya. Yeah that's all I can do right now. Don't get me wrong, I am very proud that I finally stopped drinking and smoking this long and I plan to keep it up. But I have been DOWN this week! That's the best way to describe it. I'm anxious, dramatic, chatty, lonely, guilty...I mean week four is magnified emotions week. I'll have to ask the Q (quitnet) about this. I have a theory or three. 1: I'm naturally psycho. 2. Smoking dulls or kills nerve cells and maybe my nerves are coming back in full force. 3. It's me 'facing reality' sober and a shitload of 'stuff' is coming out of the woodwork in my crazy brain. It hasn't been cool. I have dreams of people shunning me, and in the real world I mentally abuse myself. It's been pretty craptastic. However, according to my hero Deepak Chopra, it's healthier to be the 'observer' in your life instead of getting wrapped up in situations. So that has been helping, to sit back and say, "okay, this is happening. Just try to relax or what can I do to make this a positive thing?". This week has just been high anxiety and I sure hope it is not the Antabuse. The doc wants to see me after taking it for 4-6 weeks so I will bring that up.

Snacking today. I'm starting to drink a cup of hot water with lemon the last two mornings. Having a home made iced coffee and I'm going to attempt to make my own Arnold Palmer without the sugar in lemonade today. I made cold-pressed iced tea. Then I'll add juice of lemons and agave nectar. I'll give you the report. I got these Allium flowers three weeks ago and they are still in great shape. And they are edible! Really pretty in a salad. I also made a berry smoothie with chocolate green food powder. It's one of my favorites. I love the chocolate-berry flavor and they look so pretty.

References to wine keep popping up but that doesn't bother me as much as the anxieties of my own performance and personality in general. The TV show Barefoot Contessa had a cooking with wine episode. Last week Bobby Flay did grilling with wine. I bought Wine (colored!) lip balm the other day. That stuff doesn't freak me out. I was kinda 'wining' about it but it's not making me want to stop taking Antabuse so I can cook with wine. But I will see if the Antabuse is causing the weird dreams and behavior.

~Smobergirl

Big Girl Pants

I'm moving up in the world. According to Quitnet I'm a "Toddler", which is someone who's quit smoking for 25 days. I coughed a bit this morning, which after 25 days seems pretty gross to me. But at least it's going out and not coming in. At least I'm not wheezing, or have a 'bark' sound when I cough anymore. www.quitnet.com is a free service, and I find to be an extremely helpful tool. If you want to quit smoking I highly recommend it. You don't need to give them your insurance card or blood sample or anything. It's confidential and not a pain in the ass.

As far as the sobriety part goes, I haven't had a big crave for about a week. However, I went on a non-stop crying binge for the last two days. I'm assuming this is normal. I think most people believe including myself that it's a part of dealing with your problems, instead of numbing them with alcohol. I'm back to getting stuff done today. I've just been a vegetable the last two days and maybe that was necessary.

I thought I'd get my appetite back. Don't get me wrong because at night I'm ravenous, but lately my body can handle only a little bit of food at a time. I had a home made cold-pressed iced coffee (Cafe Ibis, gotta keep it local) and Tree Hugger granola from The Canyons farmer's market with orange slices. I ate only 1/2 of it. I'm going to hit the treadmill. Then I got another birthday coupon! It's $5 off of Cactus and Tropicals. Sign up for free VIPs and newsletters, and my friends during your birthday month they throw down the freebies! I'm also picking up an order from Nutty Guys from a Groupon. This site is addicting!!! www.groupon.com. Maybe that's why I'm not so hungry lately, besides Groupons to restaurants, I've developed a serious spiced nut addiction, in addition to the Arnold Palmers. Trying to recreate bar nuts and sweet and sour drinks perhaps? Cigarettes and wine?

Hmmmmmmmm...

~Smobergirl

Thinking too much so just relaxing now. I have my fantasies. Thinking about hen I was young and picturing jobs that seemed so much fun when in reality they were a pain in the ass. Coffee shops and Norstrom and being a radio DJ to name a few. It's that age old question why the heck can't most of us have fun at our jobs and get paid for it. Pure and simple. Okay I'm done and decided to indulge in a little Thai, so please excuse me...

A blessing.

"With every death there is a rebirth." I read in one of Dr. Wayne Dyer's books once years ago. I started taking heart of it when my cat Aphrodite died in 2003. I was devastated for about three months, then started wondering if Smokey wanted another playmate or wanted to be man of the house. I almost adopted three times but chickened out. Three more months later this scrawny, not fixed, kitten wanders through my apartment porch door soaking wet and never left. He is the cat in all of my blog photos and now I feel bad that there are no Smokey pics. I'll have to change that. So The Bandit my friend from radio traffic said Aphrodite came back with balls. He is my rebirth kitty, and Smokey loves him to death, no metaphor intended.

What I have discovered is although I have "killed" some friendships due to being a drunk, I have gained some new ones in my own rebirth. The cycle never stops. Things will always grow.

~Smobergirl

A blessing.

"With every death there is a rebirth." I read in one of Dr. Wayne Dyer's books once years ago. I started taking heart of it when my cat Aphrodite died in 2003. I was devastated for about three months, then started wondering if Smokey wanted another playmate or wanted to be man of the house. I almost adopted three times but chickened out. Three more months later this scrawny, not fixed, kitten wanders through my apartment porch door soaking wet and never left. He is the cat in all of my blog photos and now I feel bad that there are no Smokey pics. I'll have to change that. So The Bandit my friend from radio traffic said Aphrodite came back with balls. He is my rebirth kitty, and Smokey loves him to death, no metaphor intended.

What I have discovered is although I have "killed" some friendships due to being a drunk, I have gained some new ones in my own rebirth. The cycle never stops. Things will always grow.

~Smobergirl

The world-record poop.



Oh you know you want to read on. I also spared you the photo. But I secretly wished that I snapped it for Guinness. My loss. Okay, you know I talk about nutrition on this blog as well as my struggles of recovery (but, *pat pat*, I am FINALLY succeeding for a long period of time), and your stool says a lot about your health. Now, I may have to call Vinca, an holistic therapist I worked with a few years back, too see what the heck this means. She told me that the perfect poop, yes, is, a golden banana. Self-explanitory, but not real gold, that would be amazing. So I'm running errands up on Foothill and I have to go. I have to go now. I could use a snack and Pinion was just down the street on 13th. I go in and make a beeline for the toilet. I do my thing pretty smoothly and I look down. Just admit that you always look in there after you go. But I strictly do it to check my health, yeah right. It's golden and bananaey alright, awesome, and it's two feet long. I'm like woah that's impressive and it's in one piece! I know you all so wanted to read that. This recovery is getting interesting. Make a cantaloupe orange smoothie tomorrow morning and a pineapple curry for lunch and give me your poop report. Or not. Yeah just don't actually. And definitely no photos.

~Smobergirl

Day 24.

Starting to feel like a different person with a better sence of well-being. Still had a guilt flash but learned to forget it. What am I going to do put a bag over my head? I love Dr. Laura.

The lunchtime crowd is bustling in downtown SLC. My friend can't find a parking spot. It's pineapple curry day at Ekamai and a girlfriend and I usually meet here every week. I made a cantaloupe/orange/mint/honey smoothie with a cup of ice this morning. It was amazing thank you. Then I got some nut snacks at Whole Foods. That's my new thing, getting little bags of nut mixes. My new drink of choice slowly replacing iced coffee is the Arnold Palmer. It tastes like this tart-woodsy flavor. Or a sweet and sour. I'm just digging them lately.

~Smobergirl

Woke up at 7 this morning. Feeling more back to normal, no dry lips. I lost 5 pounds (again). I'm on the treadmill now with an iced coffee. Is that an oxymoron? After this I'll do a 40 minute show with weights and dance music. It's called Cardio Blast with Cathe and it's on Fit TV. I do like the Fit TV. Feeling uplifted this morning, but still feel like I can't do without the Antabuse. I have enough for one or two more pineapple cilantro shakes, then I have the supplies for a cantaloupe/orange/mint shake tomorrow. Need to get guitar in since my thumb is better, and paint some more. It's another beautiful sober and smober day!

~Smobergirl

Day 22

I'm at Costco getting my first Antabuse refill. More past guilt and future worries came up. Where are the pink fluffy clouds? Ha, an AA buddy told me last night that after 30 days sober it's pink fluffy clouds for another 30. Guess I have to wait 8 more days. My stomach felt sensitive again after eating a tofu scramble and a biscuit with vegan gravy. Maybe I should lay off the processed foods in general. I'm going to skate in the park before my radio shift. I got an email with a yoga skate video this morning. Yes, I did. So of you're at Liberty and see a strange girl gliding in warrior 2, that's me. The instructor did it on a concrete trail lining a beach. I want to move there, wherever she was!

~Smobergirl

Quit Flu and what-iffing.

www.quitnet.com, a site I like for quitting smoking, has two nicknames for quit smoking side-effects: Quit Zits and Quit Flu. I have been tired and dragging myself around here and there, I broke out at the two week mark, and today I felt like I was coming down with something around noon today. I got a sour tummy and I felt a little dizzy. I feel not sick now but fatigued and I just want to relax, and I hope this is normal and not an effect from the Antabuse or the real flu. At least I got a workout in this morning: 45 minutes of belly dancing. Woot. I had my pineapple cilantro shake (I'm really digging them) and 1/2 of a green food bar. For lunch I had a raw ear of corn with olive oil and cayenne salt, tomato soup, grilled asparagus, and a Tofurkey kielbasa.

I still need to exercise not freaking out over the small stuff or what-iffing. I was pretty good at the latter today. Condo life is very convenient, but sometimes I fantasize about having a house with a private yard, or even moving to San Diego to meet more eligible men or just living in a nice environment. Or even moving to Vancouver where the people seem much nicer. However, I have learned about the grass being greener on the other side. Like something as simple as having my hair relaxed so I won't deal with my frizzy hair, and now I miss the curl. But I actually love it straight and manageable. And if I go crazy I can always grow the crazy hair back. I actually like it both ways. And it's just hair.

I went back to the new Sephora store today (this may become a problem) and got a lovely-smelling body cream for only $6, a silver nail polish (for my flamingo painting actually), a sponge for $3 (another painting idea), and more lip gloss. I've told you I already need a 12-step program for lip gloss. Sometimes the best art ideas come from odd materials. But don't worry, the gloss and lotion is art for my bod only, not for paintings.

Now on the Love Sac watching Food Network. I may take a bath then watch Extreme Home makeover. And eat something. Popcorn sounds good right now. It can pay off having the Quit Flu.

~Smobergirl

Three weeks

I am feeling pret-ty good. I am starting to think more realistically with each craving. The Antabuse, like I said, is doing the trick. I realize I can't physically drink or I'll get ill, and I have moved on easier in the last few days. I have saved over $250 already in wine and cig money. Isn't that a crazy thought?

I woke up at 7 but have been just on the computer in bed. My right arm and calf are still hurtin' from Jillian Michaels. lol. I had the top of a mousse cake with raspberries two nights ago, and had some more leftover cake yesterday which felt like a brick in my stomach. So I am getting wiser with what I eat as cheat food from here on out. There is plain dark chocolate, and some raw chocolates as well that don't make me feel sick. I'm going to be militant on eating only foods that make me feel good physically.

I think The Bandit wants to do some belly dancing to the Fit TV show All-Star Workouts which I record on my DVR. That won't put us in too much pain today. I did Kundalini yoga last night which felt sooo good. Kundalini is repeating a motion over and over to stretch out parts of the body or work on abdominals. Here is the site to the instructor I like:

http://www.mayaspace.com/

It's 1/2 of a Green Superfood bar and a pineapple-cilantro shake for breakfast.

http://gliving.com/sarma-melngailis-cilantro-shake/

It's going to be another warm day!

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Feeling great. Got up at 8:30. Jillian did a number on my calves and biceps yesterday. My lips feel different. It's a desert in Utah, and they are soft-dry, not crusty dry like when I was dehydrated from the alcohol. I'm 20 days sober and smober today. I haven't made it past 19 since 2002. I get excited to take my "alcohol sickness" pills every morning. Some nights I crave, don't get me wrong, but I'm dealing with those a little easier. Because it was Friday last night I had a tough time, but I had shows to go to and felt really good going to a cafe and having a comforting meal while enjoying a band play. I turned on the A/C for the first time this year today. It's going to be in the 80s all week. Hooray! It's also a mood-boost that it's my birthday month. It helps with not giving in and wanting to take care of myself. (and shop with birthday money I don't have yet but anything not to drink or smoke!)

Love,

Smobergirl

Stopping the "Stinkin' Thinkin'"

I had a killer workout on a Jillian Michaels DVD this morning (Targeting Trouble Zones), made a pineapple cilantro shake and drove to the new Sephora, then a wave of anxiety rushed over me. I thought bands were sayng no or not responding to playng my station's first big concert because they think I'm a bitch for hate drunk facebooking against my former work. It just popped into my head. I'm chilling out now and time to check out makeup. Need a distraction.

~Smobergirl day 19.

Birthday month!

I'm so girly it's sick. It's the small things in life that make me happy. My birthday isn't until late June but already I'm getting birthday cupons and a little birthday candle necklace from Anthropology in the mail. It's cool girly fun indeed.

~Smobergirl

So good I may pass out.

Imagine the best noodles and peanut sauce you've had ever, then try this. It's better, lighter on the tummy, and so so sooo much healthier. I nearly fell asleep on the couch. Sarma Melngailis is my new hero. Speaking of mood boosting! I don't know what but I think tahini is the new oyster. Instead of a mandoline (and you know how I feel about mandolines now) I put the daikon through the spiral slicer, and they have almost the exact consistency of chinese rice noodles. I was pretty amazed. Wow. That made my day. Time for more iced coffee! Or actually a Thai iced tea may be more appropriate...hmmm.....

Yes it says Pure Food And Wine on the book. Thanks for noticing that.

www.oneluckyduck.com

~Smobergirl

(cont.) local bands is still a rewarding process. I'm eating healthy today and still spoiling my cats with fresh raw fish. I'll be okay.

~Smobergirl

Day 16 and stuff.

Another wave just hit. This is either really interesting and cleansing, or I'm just a big boob. My mom said I was always dramatic too. But I sure hope this crying stuff is a good thing and temporary. I am making progress on my paintings and getting excited about submitting them. My French and guitar are coming along. Supporting l

Good morning!

The grogginess is definitely subsiding. I woke up at 8 today, fed the cats raw salmon and had a mandarin myself and a green food bar. It's raining and 58 degrees on the first day of June, but I secretly like it. I went to the mall last night to stave off the craves and eureka that worked. I only did bath salts and lip gloss damage. Check out Aveda's Soothing bath salts. To die for.

~Smobergirl