For one, my texts aren't being posted! Ha ha. I'll just have to stick typing on the ol' Macbook here.
I'm doing the stinkin' thinkin' again. All of my life I could cry at the drop of a hat. Then I beat myself up for being sensitive. Maybe I just want to be perfect all of the time. I freelance for a local paper and I just read an email from the music editor that I'm basically a difficult writer, and that I need to edit my stuff with a fine-tooth comb. I just don't want any conflict but I feel like a shitty writer now. This is a new editor and the last one had a few issues with me, whereas the very first music editor I worked with didn't say a darned thing, he just edited my articles, like an editor. So yeah I freaked out a little, because I didn't think I was crap until I was told as such. People suck. Now I have a cat butt in my face. What's a girl to do?
Breakfast: Fage 0% with granola, blackberries, chia seeds, flax seeds, wheat germ, and buckwheat groats. One cup of The Emperor's Tea.
Lunch: 3 ounces poached salmon and 2 ounces of mashed sweet potatoes. Four moroccan olives. 3 ounces of hummus. One cooked carrot. 10 watermelon balls in balsamic vinegar. The mashers, salmon, and carrot are leftover from Tin Angel yesterday.
I don't want to nor can drink or smoke (Antabuse doing it's magic), and surprisingly I don't want a huge frozen hot chocolate from Hatch's, but I am in the dumps!! The bright news is that I'm going out with someone to a country show tonight and I'll probably forget that I'm a sucky writer by the time Kris Kristopherson sings his first note. Do you think I'm a sucky writer?
Smobergirl
Still smober on day 498. 500 days soon, yay. I'm still fricking depressed.
And that's the thing, do I have a chemical imbalance? Do the drugs make me sad? Is it the loneliness? Is it because I'm not with a corporate company anymore and some aren't caring for me as much that's getting me down? Am I burnt out and can't handle any criticism at age 40? I'm not mad at this editor but I can't stop the tears today. Bandit's fluffy butt does help though. ;)
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ReplyDeleteI hate that I cry at the drop of a hat! The world needs us sensitive types too.
ReplyDeleteWhy ask for anyone's approval? Sometimes we allow our stinkin' thinkin' to cloud truth & it stops us. We have gifts & talents to share with others & those voices try to prevent us from sharing them & living out the TRUTH of our highest self. It's great that you are on the path of living & sharing your passions & inspiring others. Focus on that!
When we shift, others will move with our energy or move out, & good riddance to those energy vampires! Bless them & send them on their path. It may be that you are handing out an old script to this person or there's something to learn from them, but that's another subject.
A quote I love: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~Marianne Williamson
:)Shine on girl!