Breathe...

Okay I'm not as paranoid now after eating a wrap, flax seed powder, and a huge glass of water with Emergen-C. Okay so normal blood pressure is around 100-110 over 60-70. Mine was 89 then 92 over...the nurse didn't say. However, dizziness occurs around below 80, fainting below 70, coma at 60 and death below 50. So I'm not even close to death you see, albeit fainting. A little foggy headed, yes. I can blame the bupropion (Wellbutrin), my time of month (hormonal changes), and coffee (dehydration). Wellbutrin can also contribute to dry mouth, dehydration, and lower blood pressure. So I need to drink more fluids, mate. Yes I'll eat like a normal human being too, just no dairy. I did feel tons better without cheese during lent, even through all of the temper tantrums I had because I couldn't have it.

Smobergirl

Under pressure

My blood pressure is low, too low. Under 100 low. So I need to do some detective work. Could be the rabbit diet, the meds...I am getting enough sleep and exercising but I feel lethargic. I was rejected at ARUP trying to donate blood, that's how I found out. Anorexic diet no worky. I went vegan once and felt great but I ate a lot, including breads and wheat. Okay I have a confession, and I hope this is a lesson to all women with eating disorders. I was living on smoothies and salads 90% of the time for the last three weeks. I wonder why I'm so tired. I'm not a horse, I can't eat grass all day. My 'fat arms' were going down and I got hooked on eating only raw fruits and vegetables. For one, I made a drastic change there my friends. I never thought I'd ever, ever have an eating disorder. Am I getting my panties in a wad because I hardly had a pulse? Quitting smoking will lower your blood pressure, it happened to me before, but it was normal, not 80-something. I drink a ton of coffee and you'd think it would raise, but I am also dehydated. Lesson #1, maybe water-based foods aren't enough. Maybe coffee is too strong. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm not. I just want a perfect, healthy diet and yeah I want to look sexy. I'm 41 and since high school I've felt fat and dorky. Yes I'm also going back to the 'stupid' thing. I want to look mature and hot to look up for it, not like a 15-yr old with baby fat-looking skin. Yes, I'm on my period, which makes me want to get on Depo again, but I felt good when I got off of it during my 8-month quit. I think I'm just sad. I have been moping about, and not getting that much exercise lately, really. Maybe I'm not being active enough. Maybe I'm being a sloth.

I have been quit exactly a month today. Woo. I ate, vegan gluten-free food, but I feel better. I'll go out and get something more substantial.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 31

Has it been almost a week?

My apologies! It has been, drumroll, four weeks and two days. The torso is so much thinner. I feel better doing cardio, Namaste Yoga DVDs, or my Maya Fiennes Kundalini DVDs. Still hip-hoppin'. Life is good. I'm practicing Rico, the classical guitar more. It's a huge difference. I've been mostly good with the clean eating but I was actually grossed out having cheese on my 'cheat food' pizza at Vino with a friend yesterday, after eating their clean verdura salad. I am still eating salads before a meal mostly. That seems to help the digestion. Now I'm squirming trying not to dive into an iced coffee right after my colorful lunch. (You'll pour acid all over your alkaline food! Snyder says from The Beauty Detox Diet.) I'm waiting 20 minutes, but 20 minutes tops! I actually have about 8 minutes to go. Thank God for nicotine gum. (Play with Bandit for 5 minutes) AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Iced co-hee. Can't let it go yet. Speaking of roller coasters, I'm still up and down with it, but eventually I'd like to let it go for about six months to experiment.

Breakfast: 1/2 avocado and 1/2 pineapple. 8 ounces of iced coffee with almond milk.

Lunch: Goji Tropic Shake from Sarma Melgailis' book. Watercress, watermelon, lime juice, micro-greens, and tomato salad. Zucchini 'noodles' in raw marinara, just about 3 ounces.

I'm tired actually. More detox? Too much hip-hop? I am already looking better and losing the bloat at least. More importantly life feels 'normal' and I have better peace of mind. Well someone's taking a nap.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 30. One month down!

Aging

Hi. I am determined to experiment eating only whole foods or going vegan and or raw to see if my skin clears up. You can't prevent aging, but since the wrinkles are becoming more prominent and the neck is sagging just in the past seven months (since I started drinking and smoking again) with abstinence I wonder if I can look better. Kinda depressed tonight because of that. I did have a great evening though. I found a beautiful purple rag rug for $17 which is now a new cat bed of course, and Bandit slept on it on my lap, something he never does. It was wonderful. I'm almost done reading Beautiful Boy then it's onto Sheff's son's book Tweak. I will continue the positive mantras and see if I feel just as good in the morning as I did after watching Dyer last week.

Night,

Smobergirl

Control yourself

Take only what you need from it. lyrics to live by from the band MGMT. For me right now I'm not talking about wine or cigs, but money. I traded one addiction for another: Shopping. And in the last two years or so I really splurged, and about half of those things got donated or never used. I think shopping is the excitement of gathering. We were hunters and gatherers you know, and still are. This September if I eat just whole foods or go vegan or raw, I also want a shopping cleanse as part of the experiment. Shop at home, appreciate what I have, use the things I haven't, and have the wisdom to know the difference. Just kidding. I'll only spend on gas, food, and essentials. In place of shopping I can practice guitar, paint, make other stuff, play with the cat, spend more time with my father.

Eating well.Bread kills me but on a veg sandwich from Cafe Niche it was so chewy and delicious. Baby steps. Worked out a storm today: Elliptical machine, Hip-Hop Abs, and yoga.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 25

Being a hermit

It's normal for me to hide out in my pad for a month or so when I'm recovering. Sometimes I wish I were out there, but I just end up getting stuff done, or not, in my place. Sometimes a cold bowl of home-made almond milk, granola, oat groats, and berries hit the spot on a sweltering desert day. I'm feeling kind of achy, so yoga is in order. I have been hooked on the MTV Pilates video for a few days. The thighs hurt so good! However the emotional roller coaster keep going.  Sometimes I feel useless. Other times I feel content, others giddy and hopeful. And sometimes I want to move to Portland, Vancouver, or San Diego. I have no idea what the Wellbutrin is doing. My appetite has gone down since I've been taking it. Maybe that's why it's good for quitting smoking so you don't eat so much to replace cigarettes. People worry they'll gain weight if they quit. However I've been greatly depressed (I thought it was also an anti-depressant) and I assume that's emotional detox, 'stuff' coming out. I think I'll live though. I'm giving it some more time. The iced coffee intake is increasing to raise endorphins, and in turn I drink boatloads of water. And I make a mess. See coffee table above. I clean up too, don't worry. But it is like being a bachelor.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 24

Lazy Sunday Morning

I was so hungry I didn't take a photo of my lovely breakfast. No smoothie yet. I had the two last local farm eggs sunny side up cooked in grape seed oil with local tomatillo salsa and grape tomatoes. Local farmer's market strawberries, and a tiny piece of the last raw lasagna. I don't feel over-stuffed. I feel warm and fuzzy actually. Bandit and I are chillaxin on the balcony then it's shower time. I had my iced coffee in bed. It's a comfortable morning. I have four packets of VIA instant coffee left. I'll start mixing it with Teechino to wean off it. This is not going to suck. I have a new outlook on food and I think, "Do I want that in my body?" That seems to work, plus thinking what it is doing to my body. Would I want to put an animal part in here? Probably not, even though I had whole mussels last night with chopped chorizo. Okay so I've been a hypocrite, but it was a happy moment at the time and a healthier alternative to smoking and drinking. Baby steps. I have until September 1 to wean into a vegan and raw diet. Then the experiment begins. I've gone vegan before for lent, but I also drank coffee and wine plus smoked at the time even though I lost eight pounds. This will be a strict clean diet. Even the tea will only be herbal. I realize how time flies, and I can have fun with this, as well as save even more money on eating out and buying iced coffee. I'll be getting all of the junk out and pumping myself up with chlorophyll, energy foods, and anti-oxidants. Plus it will be exceptionally hydrating.

I am immensely enjoying Beautiful Boy and I have a clear understanding about methamphetamine, although I wouldn't touch that stuff with a million-foot pole. Wine and tobacco was my disease, and now I feel like a saint compared to what is happening in this book. However I can't even go back to the bottle + 1 glass and a pack of smokes a night. Gross, and I saw in a magazine the other day the "wine bottle glass", where you just pour a bottle into a glass. Sigh, some of the inventions out there.

Today I am going to Oktoberfest (see where did summer go?) with a friend and I may just have to eat saurkraut. We'll see. ;)

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 23

Tired but more strange karma

I hope it's not the pot pie I gave into yesterday. I'm back on track with the mostly-vegan diet. I have a few farm eggs left. I'm 22 days smober (it takes 21 to break a habit right?) and I'm much better and not tempted at all. The book Beautiful Boy is greatly helping. I also have money to spend on things that will last or healthy food, like red lip gloss! I'll get to the food part here. I've had a love/hate relationship with red lips but I found a shiny true red that doesn't make me look like a circus clown. It's also made with all food-based products like honey so if I was really desperate I could eat it. The brand is BYTE. Okay this is the karma part: It contains reservatol. What is that? Honestly, I didn't pick it for this reason.
I also got a YSL lip pencil in, um, Wine. What's HI-LARIOUS is that I didn't buy these for those reasons at all! I got them for the color and quality. I am blown away myself. Both together costs as much or less than a binge night. This is fun, playing this game. I feel better and thinking about wining and smoking brings me negative, guilty, dirty thoughts. And dirty not in a good way. Now it's time to keep easing into the vegan diet and going raw in September. I may have some issues at the Greek Festival the first weekend of Sept., but that will be my only cheat day. That would be a frappe and a cheese pie. Maybe two frappes. It is extremely important to have goals and remind yourself why smoking is bad mmmm-kay? I may be tired but I feel like dancing!

Love,

3 weeks quit Smobergirl

Doing (cough) great!

I didn't mention that I still cough once in a while. Getting the gunk out. Three weeks in an hour! Woot.

Also, pilates kicked my but yesterday. Thighs hurt so good!

I ate pretty well today. Did I tell you I won a chocolate box? Had 5 today. But they're local! ;)

Breakfast: pineapple-cilantro smoothie and a hard-boiled egg

Lunch: 1/2 avocado, spinach and butter leaf salad with lemon juice and micro greens, rawsagna

Snack: Home-made guacamole. Just ate it with a fork.

Dinner: Big salad, one slice of whole wheat sourdough with apple butter from Canellas, the free food for us TCS volunteers. Tons of People Water.

Snack: More smoothie. Mary's Gone Crackers flax crackers with pesto (I think it's still good) and tomatillo dip (ditto)

Time to do restorative yoga and crash. Woo what a fun night with Iron and Wine in the park!

Love,

Smobergirl

Food or feeling?

Yesterday morning I felt refreshed, happy, and had a spring in my step. Last night I had four bon bons (do people say bon bons anymore?) and Indian food, got upset about something I didn't need to, and I felt crappy and unhopeful this morning. I did a mood worksheet and I'm fine now, just not ecstatic like I was yesterday. I had a wonderful day. I was productive, I did pilates which was incredibly fun (although my inner thighs are paying for it), and I won about $50 worth of chocolates from a company who makes chocolate look like art and uses quality ingredients. What bugged me last night was that I was invited to go out to dinner with friends to a new Indian restaurant which I had a coupon for (more happiness) and it was 92 degrees outside so I brought my chocolates in. I got stares at the box, so being generous I shared. The upsetting thing was one friend took six while everyone else took one or none. It's just silly, but I think most of us have been there. Now I just laugh it off saying well at least I saved about 1000 calories, plus I still have plenty left. However importantly this goes back to memories of being taken advantage of. I always expected friends to take one or a little, when they take more, all, or break into my parent's liquor cabinet without my permission and drink an entire bottle of Kahlua and I have to buy another one to save my butt. Whew!

Being taken advantage of. Well my shrink had addressed this already and gave me How To Be Assertive worksheets. It's unreasonable for me to play victim all of the time. Most of my life it has been one of my greatest talents. I'm not alone when it comes to people wanting or taking of course, and for the record my chocolate-loving friend is one of my really good buddies and she has been generous to me in the past, so I had no right to get upset. I'm talking about people who ask to borrow $6000 because that friend is wealthy. Wealth very well causes more problems because some people will want it or think that the wealthy can afford to lend $6000. Or people wanting to use their swimming pool, or have a concert in their big home. You feel a little used. These are people who I know personally who get irritated when people ask them these things.

Wow. I didn't expect to talk about that today. I just wished I felt like yesterday morning. Is it because I ate so clean then put sugar, bread, oil, and cheese into my body all of a sudden? Was it my upset? Or am I still emotionally detoxing? Was it because I didn't watch Dr. Dyer? LOL. I will tell you this which I've said before. Life is much better with out smoking and alcohol. My puffy face is already down after almost three weeks, my back is actually, say it Timberlake! My thighs are cut (and sore), I love eating raw and clean and I'm back into it having another pineapple-cilantro smoothie this morning. I just had a hard-boied local farm egg and I'll shower, do more pilates, then teach a friend yoga. More karma today speaking of yoga. A yoga studio owner found me on FB and wants me still to sub in her studio.  You know what would raise my self-esteem? Getting better in yoga and teaching more, becoming a good example for all around me. Yoga has taught me to love all, relax, and be happier as well as being more flexible and doing cool tricks. Yeah I would still like to be in a workout video. Ha we'll see.

Peace and love and don't feel taken advantage of.

That was meant to rhyme.

Tee hee.

Smobergirl

Day 20

Yikes but good?

I woke up this morning with jowels and a saggy neck, but my jaw was more cut on the sides. I am getting thinner, but I don't think I'm eating enough. Have you seen people when they lose weight too quickly and they look more wrinkled? Yeah that freaked me out a little. I feel good now. I'm going to give this a few months when my metabolism kicks in again from not drinking, and hopefully looking better from not smoking then I'll see how I look and feel. My rule will be no dairy, little sugar and try to make it natural, little meat, tons of veg, grains, and more natural fats from nuts and avocado. I had a berry spinach smoothie for breakfast (see smoothie blog) and I was still hungry. So I have eggs boiling, salad fixins ready including pumpkin seed oil, and a raw lasagna in the oven with a temp of 95 degrees. I still want to plump up hence the oil and I'm drinking water. I had an iced coffee with my yoga before the smoothie, and I believe I'm just addicted to coffee. I hear good and bad things about it, but according to Snyder it raises cortisol levels, the stress hormone and fat develops to protect organs from it's acidity. According to me I don't feel good afterwards and it's dehydrating. I gotta switch to tea.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 17

P.S.

I also need to mentally cleanse, and forget what people think about me. I need to focus on what I think of me right now and be close to the ones I love. Oh and go to my happy place often.

Smobergirl

You are what you consume.

Day three of taking this beauty detox thing quite seriously, with the exception of evil nachos (trying to make it healthy with three containers of jalapeños) during The Bourne Legacy (enjoyed). Drinking plenty of water and raw food. You know what, my boobs are huge! As in high school plump huge. Dunno what's going on, but I'm certainly not complaining. My face is looking smoother and young as well. Sweet.

Breakfast: A black plum and a small red quinoa salad from Whole Foods, iced coffee, and water.

Lunch: Small raw lasagna preceded by a spinach and mesclun greens salad with honey vinegar and sprouts.

Snack: Movie nachos

Dinner: Almond milk, coconut sugar, cocoa powder, and ice drink and 1/2 avocado.

The last two just ain't right. I was going to have more 'rawsagna' and salad but I was too full. Shoot now I'm getting hungry.

Not drinking nor smoking. Still scared about the mixed effects alcohol will cause with the Wellbutrin, which may or may not be working now. I feel exceptionally calm and not bothered by the usually stressful things in life. I feel pretty good and I am especially focused on what food does to my body now. I'm pretty grossed out by my monthly bacon burger, anything fried or processed, and manufactured sweets. Oh, booze and cigarettes can go on that list too.

Day 16,

Smobergirl

BOOBIES!

Day 15

I am beat! I emceed that event today, I was there for seven and a half hours. It was fun, hot, and I ate nothing but vegan food. I feel pretty good about that. There was beer available, but I wasn't tempted at all. However, I was really tempted to get a blue cheese bacon burger at the fancy steakhouse by me. I had more raw lasagna, veggies, and sweet potato wedges dipped in BBQ sauce at home instead. Pat, pat. I feel pretty awesome, plus I should be saving dinero from all of the local goodies I bought at the event. I have eggs, tons of veg, quinoa, rice, and cacao to eat at home for weeks. I was really emotionally eating when I'd go out. Plus I just wanted to get out of the house and be social. I can do that with concerts, movies, and other things.

I am POOPED! Bandit sure missed me too. I'm trying to erase some guilt because I left the event at 6, as planned by the creator of the event, so I could go to another which is an hour away. Last night I decided not to go to the latter. Both are volunteer gigs and I bought tickets to that concert so I don't feel too horrible even though I can't refund the ticket, but I did say that I had the other evening commitment. The other party didn't care if I worked the gig, but insisted that the band would be worth leaving kitty for twelve hours. I couldn't do it. Plus my body did not want to drive up a canyon for an hour to get there. Sometimes it's okay to say no and listen to you instead of pleasing others. And listen to your pets. :)

Breakfast: Berry, broccoli sprouts, and almond milk smoothie I found in Yoga Journal

Elevenses, well more like twelveses: Two ounces of rawsagna and a messload of sprouts and greens with lemon juice.

4:30: Guacamole, hummus, and vegan slaw

Dinner: a bit of rawsagna with tomato, baby bell pepper, basil sprouts, avocado, 2 olives, and four sweet potato wedges in BBQ sauce

Why so sproutious? I found them at the farmer's market last Tuesday. They are really tasty and Snyder swears by sprouts. Alliteration!

Love and be good to yourself,

Smobergirl

Lost

I was blogging and lost it! Oh well. This is raw lasagna. It's amazing. Don't knock it till you try it. It's from The Beauty Detox book, which is also suggesting to nix the caffeine. Still working on that. I'm also having sad feelings come up. I hope it's not the Wellbutrin, which I am still waiting for a mood change from. I'm going to The Campaign today, so that should cheer me up.

Breakfast: Berry-kale-spinach smoothie

Lunch: Pictured above

So, it's raining and thundering outside, which I love. I've always liked it or overcast weather. It's comforting to me, like a shelter.

Oh hey I'm two weeks quit! Woot woot.

Smobergirl

Don't mess with breakfast

I decided to, after a 20-minute walk, have raw flax crackers and nut dips for breakfast. I felt a 'brick' in my stomach immediately afterwards. Lesson learned. I'm sticking to smoothies. They are light, give me energy, and make me happy.

I still don't feel any effects from the Wellbutrin. I hear it takes a few weeks. Stuff sure came out last night! I cried for 20 minutes then meditated, then went right to sleep. Alcohol suppresses those feelings, and therapists have told me that it's healthy to deal with them and let them out. I'm also being aware of my emotions, which is making my day much better. A yoga teacher once told a class I was in that you suffer in your head if you feel guilt, anger, worry, etc. I caught myself this morning on the way to the grocery store to get ingredients for a raw lasagna. We'll see how that turns out. it will take about ten hours total to make the darned thing. Soak this for 4 hours, marinate that for 6, then assemble, put in turned off oven for 4-6 more. So dinner will be around 9 pm and it's 11 am now. It better be good. ;) So I catch myself feeling hopeless, then think of my 8-month quit. I pretty much felt crap-tastic for 3-6 months, then my life was a thousand times better and I got the ball rolling in so many wonderful things. Now I worry it won't happen again, then I say, "Hey stupid! You're suffering in your head." My bloating is down again, I have more energy already, I coughed everything out. Are those not improvements? I'm also looking forward to emceeing an event coming up. I got two compliments yesterday on how great I looked. I mean, these friends of mine were gushing. It was crazy. My energy is shifting again.

It only took about two months to gain ten pounds drinking again. Pretty freaky eh? After ten days my belly shrank about two inches. Freaky. Wine is one of the least caloric beverages of 80-100 calories per 5 oz. glass, but I was consuming about 700 cals plus a 400-800 calorie meal. Yikes! That will put ten pounds on you pretty quickly. I have hopes, I'm just in the weepy stage. After one more week it usually gets better. It will keep getting better. I know myself.

Day 13

Love,

Smobergirl

Hyp-Mo-Tized

The doc had me do self-hypnosis today, and it was pretty rad! One word: relaxing. He wants me to do it at home every day. The funny thing is, and yes it's funny, he had me go to a happy place. It exists. Yes it's true! Now I'm just going to giggle furiously every time I go there.

I don't want to look 41, and I don't want to get depressed. I just heard "Mother's Little Helper" yesterday too, and I thought "oh my goodness." So here I am at Costco getting a smoking hot deal on a two-pack of Strivectin Firming Neck Cream, and lo and behold I get in line behind a hot guy. He even had a cute, unusual name (I happened to glance at his card). He drives a Jeep. Of course he does. So here I am behind this guy with healthy groceries and I have Gosh Darn neck cream. You know, I first notice my neck getting crepy when I was losing weight during my 8 month quit. So quitting again won't make it firm. I'm hoping Kimberly Snyder's book will as I ease into her diet philosophy: Consume a shit-ton of greens and eat light-to-heavy. My bloat has already gone down and so has my face. She states that you'll always lose certain body parts first and the hardest to lose (my freaking obese arms) last. I'm a size 4 with 12 arms. Damn you German genes.

Breakfast: spinach and berry smoothie with chia and maca

Elevenses (I am 1/4 British): A few bites of sun-dried tomato and sesame seed hummus with a fork

Lunch: Bog mixed green salad and 1 huge olive and mushroom pizza slice with a girlfriend

Snack: Cheese buiscuit at tea shop so I won't feel guilty ordering just an ice water to put in my instant coffee

Dinner: Wedge salad, no dressing, with bleu cheese, grape tomatoes, and purple onion. Shrimp cocktail and cucumber tomato relish

No more processed food for me. I definitely feel it. I'm still hungry, probably because my body didn't get all proper nutrients, so I think it's true: the more processed carbs you eat you will still be hungry! I was still full after four hours eating that little biscuit but I wanted and still want more food. Not gonna happen though. I'm drinking lemon water now. So I lied, I was a bit bloated today.

Love,

Smobergrrrrrrrl

Day 12!

Think before you act

Yes, I caved, I didn't know what I was thinking, and I ate the whole thing of PASTA! Psyche! I'm still smober, and I'm easing into this cleanse and not jumping in feet first going full-on vegan. The beauty of quitting is that even a holistic therapist told me to eat whatever I wanted, just make those kale shakes in the morning, then go apeshit on lunch and dinner. Well she didn't exactly say that. I think for the first time during this 11 day quit I had the worst crave today. However I can't risk going 'crazy' mixing alcohol with Wellbutrin, that, like the Antabuse, is keeping me smober firstly, then I must remind myself why I'm quitting and why I'm writing this freaking blog. So after my spaghetti (it was house-made at Cafe Niche with tomato sauce, fresh garlic, and herbage) and garlic bread, which I ate half there and half two hours later watching the first 15 minutes of Bad Teacher before turning it off and putting it back in the Netflix envelope, I went swimming at a local pool I just got a membership to. It was too crowded and stinky, so I wonder if I can get my money back, or start going in the mornings before open swim. I'll keep you posted. I then showered for an hour in bleach :) then I wanted a dessert so badly, I decided to be nice to my body and make a frozen banana, almond milk, and chocolate Amazing Grass shake. SO proud of myself. :) Now I am sleepy and I'll read in bed until I pass out. If anyone knows of a public, clean adult pool in Salt Lake City please leave a comment.

Tomorrow should be a fun, rewarding, productive day. With the wine and cig money I've saved so far I'm going to a makeup event in the morning to support my friend in Chanel. Ooh fancy. Then it's shrink time and a meeting about a local event I'm emceeing. Fun!

Breakfast: grapefruit, pineapple, and a poached egg

Elevenses: Walnut pesto over wheat berries I made

Lunch: cold salmon in sour cream dil sauce, asparagus spears, 1/2 avocado, 1 small farmer's market tomato

Dinner: Spaghetti with tomato, basil, and garlic with evil white garlic bread

Dessert: frozen 1/2 banana, 1 scoop chocolate Amazing Grass, 1 cup water, 1/2 cup ice, 10 almonds blended

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 11 and more stuff, stuff, stuff

How many blogs can I start with "Oy!" Anger, anxiety, and hopelessness came out today. I thought Wellbutrin was an anti-depressant. Maybe it takes a few weeks to kick in. I've been very physically active and eating well lately, but this morning felt like I had a hangover! It was crazy. Some of my friends have experienced that. Maybe it's physical "stuff" coming out. I feel better now. I got a membership for a pool and that will definitely keep me calm and raise my self-esteem. I used to swim and dive when I was younger. My mom was just in town and we had a great time. We did a lot of fall shopping and ate out, although I tried to eliminate the bad stuff as much as possible. Other than that I eat a ton of avocados, tomatoes, and spinach at home. I bought lovely berries to put in my smoothies, which have been also containing spinach. I make kale salads, and I discovered wheat berries. I'm getting more into Kimberly Snyder's philosophy of eating and I eat small to big, fruit first then veg then starch then protein. She states that fruit digests fastest, and if you eat it after something heavy like meat that takes longer then the fruit will get stuck and ferment in your system. Ew. So I'm trying this out. So far so good, except for feeling crappy and having a huge bathroom break two hours later. Is this good or bad? For breakfast I had a pile of grapefruit wedges and pineapple followed by a poached egg with Tabasco. Maybe that 'moved stuff' along. Fruit can do that.

I'll keep you posted. I don't want to smoke or drink for fear I'll go crazy on the Wellbutrin. I also have hopes and love from my family. My bloating has significantly gone down, and my skin looks great. I'm eating as many whole foods as possible and making cacao, coconut oil, almond or cashew milk, and banana shakes if I crave sugar. No bloating and no guilt. I only feel bloated if I eat something heavy at a restaurant.

Two weeks (heck week) is coming up!

Smobergirl

At least I ain't...

Oy I had the best dairy and carb-laden dinner. I did eat like a rabbit all day so I don't feel too horrible, and it was probably as many calories as six glasses of wine. Ugh, I am disgusted to say that. That's a good thing. Smokers cough today also. That is too a good thing, getting it out. I don't know if it's the Wellbutrin but I haven't had much of an appetite except for this evening because I deprived myself all day. At least the fuzzy head is gone. However I did hold on to a guilty feeling about the past that I need to dissolve NOW! It made me not enjoy the PC arts fest much today. I suffered in my own head and that is my own damn fault. I did get a beautiful silver ring though. Thanks mommy!

I've been doing tons of yoga and incline walking but I've been tight the day after. Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard. Is that a good thing? I think so. I'll give it time. I'm excited for the journey again like I had for eight months. I already feel like I have more energy. I tend to bounce back quickly, and that is a fabulous thing.

Smoothie: Pineapple-cilantro-cucumber with chia and maca. Breakfast forced by my mother at the farmer's market: 1/2 of a ceviche with hamachi, pineapple, cilantro, lime, and cucumber. Hmmm I see a pattern there.

Lunch: Tomato basil soup and a side salad. I ate half of both.

Snack: Spinach, 1/2 of an avocado, farmer's market tomato, and lemon juice salad.

Dinner: Let's just say at least I didn't drink or smoke. It involved too much cream, cheese, and bread for my own good! But boy it made up for bingeing! :) Note to self and to you: Don't starve because likely you'll over-compensate later!!


Love,

Smobergirl

Day 8

Gosh I still need to upload that adorable tree!