Whew!

Fudge fudge fudge. Right after my shift I had fierce craves. This drug is actually a godsend. I just can't drink, that's what is saving me. Yes, people have drank on it or stopped taking it for a binge, but I'm not like that. Gotta stay on it. So I did more self-bribery and thought if a night binge costs anywhere between $20-40, then tonight I can have a pizza/gelato night out, then go to my favorite skate shop and look at the cute girl clothes. That should do it. Then The Bachelorette is tonight or at least a hot bath to look forward too. Iced coffees are also an option. ;) Okay Tarzan feel good now.

~Smobergirl

Boost

I got this stuff online (Oprah loves it) that claims to help your energy, focus, recovery, and immune system. I don't get a jolt or anything but it tastes good. It has green tea and water-soluble vitamins. Doesn't seem too bad at all. It tasted REALLY good with the leftover red Roiboos tea I had. Then I had more mock tuna salad at noon. I'm bringing raw tacos to the station. Feeling good and I have a sense of well-being. And it's overcast outside but 80 degrees. I can live with that.

~Smobergirl

Ow.

Everytime I go to yoga now it kicks me in the ass. Back hurts, butt hurts. Armpits again. Anyway it hurts so good.

Day 15! That's 1/2 a month. My appetite is back. Lips not so dry. I do love my straight low maintenence hair. May have some getting used to but it's nice. Made cold pressed coffee and I will have granola with fruit this morning. Last night I made Matt Amsten's mock tuna salad and it's fantastic. For lunch today I'll make Sarma's "noodle" salad with Asian dressing. Her book is called Living Raw Food. I don't know if I blogged about the pineapple cilantro smoothie that's in the book, but it's actually very refreshing! Speaking of I feel refreshed, sore but awake this morning.

Swan painting is looking good. I had a weird dream about doing a guitar lesson in front of about 20 people in my teacher's home. My thumb is healing so I have been practicing. You need that bass thumb for classical guitar. I've been on quitnet.com more than usual the past few days. There is a forum for alkie smokers and that gets me going in a positive way.

Happy Memorial Day. I feel grateful to be smober.

~Smobergirl

Stuff...

Gosh dangit all to freakin heck. I've been in this funk all facking week. Detoxing? Pills? Just going nuts?? Death from smobering?

The observer in me wants to believe that this is the crazy emotional part of an early detox. I have been smoking and drinking since I was 24, bingeing since I was 31. So I'm trying not to act so shocked. Today I cried, didn't feel good enough, freaked out at my relaxed hair which is actually what I wanted (it's 1000% easier than my crazy German messy hair, and worst case it will come back if I miss it), whined that I'm a spoiled brat, whined I'm not 'normal', blah blah blah. Okay. Breathe...


Other than that, I had a great morning!! I woke up at 7:45 AWAKE AND REFRESHED (surprise....and finally), went to Power 1 & 2 at 8:30 and felt liberated. I had a cup of fresh pineapple and grapefruit, raw tacos, and 2 oz. leftover steak which went mostly to the beggars (the cats). Took another drive to Park City and the first emotional wave came up on the drive back. Then I had more steak, cucumber slices, and a beautiful little carrot, with a frozen coconut bar for dessert. Then I flopped on the Love Sac and hid under my Aunt's blanket and watched an episode of Chefs Of Beverly Hills, which portrays the clients as always hideously demanding and impossible, which made me pretty happy to live in Salt Lake, and not be a chef. Now I'm better but a little tired. I made a big pitcher of Jamiaca Red Rooibos tea, which tastes a lot like Red Zinger. I promised myself to work on the swan painting during Extreme Home Makeover tonight, which is a Sunday night ritual. Then guitar and French possibly, and probably Kundalini yoga which I did last night (really awesome) or yoga from my Lululemon "The Pursuit of Happy Hips" DVD.

Stuff definitely came out today. I hope that's a good thing. It was stuff I buried under my drinking, so I think I'm on the right path here. I learned a ton about myself this beautiful Sunday.

~Smobergirl

Lazy.

I make too many rules. What do you think? Should I give myself a month to be a slob and eat/TV myself through recovery? At least I was vegan today. After a vegan sausage with sun dried tomatoes and basil covered in raw onions and mustard two hours ago, I wolfed a cup of vegan mac and cheese w/ raw garlic and grape tomatoes with a cup of red pepper soup. Burp.

I did do some light lifting and abs with Gilad today. Took a bath but I want another one. I think I am resorting to my childhood again. Comfort food, bubble baths. Sure helps the recovery. Got a little emotional again driving to Park City on today's joy ride. My lips feel fabulous finally though. :D

Yeah yeah, I think it's perfectly normal to go gung ho one day and totally procrastinate the next. I need to give myself a break. Two weeks sober tomorrow!

~Smobergirl

Day 13.

Lucky 13. I hope so. I woke up at 7:45. Waking up early for a change feels really good. No guilt feels even better. I'm still a little sleepy today though. I took my Antabuse and I'm just doing it in the mornings now, that's when I remember to take it. I had granola with coconut water, peanut butter, and chunks of pineapple today with a 1/2 grapefruit sprinkled with ground flax seeds. Swan painting is almost done. It's an overcast good painting day. First I may take a nice drive in the mountains. I did some light weight lifting and I'll try Jillian Michaels' No Trouble Zones that I got from Netflix. I need to be more patient about my weight and not be obsessed. The weight is not falling off from not drinking, but I feel tons better and that's the important part. I'm waking up earlier. My face definitely looks better. I don't have that bloated feeling. I did lose on my side ribs though and the sides of my face, I'll tell you that, but not so much the tummy yet. Heck it's only been two weeks, but I'll take the benefits I've gotten so far. And all this time I was obsessed with the negative effects of the alcohol. What about the cigarettes?? I still cough a little and feel a gross 'smokey film' in my chest once in a while, but I know it's leaving my body. I know it's disgusting, knowing it stays in your body like that. But I am assuming and hoping it will eventually all go away. The incline treadmill is getting easier, and so is in-line skating. I love to in-line skate, I don't know if I ever mentioned it. I must take pictures. But today it looks like it's gonna rain. Like I said, good painting (guitar practice, French lesson) day.

~Smobergirl

Lazy day.

Raw burritos by Matt Amsden:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McVhjg38L4E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McVhjg38L4E
Don't be afraid of the hippies, kids. ;)

I like the collard greens because they are hearty enough to hold everything together, but not tough to bite into. It is indeed nature's tortilla. Sometimes I cheat and buy Rico's salsa instead of making it myself.

I made more sweet tater baked fries with dijon mustard. Still feeling good and relaxed, but maybe not as relaxed as The Bandit.

~Smobergirl

Good morning!

Well I woke up at 5:30, I went to bed at 10 so that's 7.5 hours. But I went back to sleep and got up at nine. Ha ha. Hit the treadmill for 20 and did another 25 minutes on the Bowflex. Breakfast was satisfying: Tree Hugger granola (no sugar) with fresh pineapple and mango chunks, freeze-dried strawberries, coconut water, and 1 Tbs peanut butter. I also added ground flax seeds and whole hemp seeds. OMG Alice Cooper was on American Idol last night. I'm watching the recording. I love my DVR. So, I feel good. Day 11 here. Bottom lip a little dry but getting better. I'm not pondering my life or feeling guilty for being a bum right now. My thumb is okay. I can text with it just fine, and that's important. lol. I didn't have any huge wine cravings last night although that Bobby Flay Grilling with Wine episode made me a little twitchy. Doing good today. I do think the pills may be the reason for the tiredness. It was a little hard to tell because of the smoking quit but it may be the drugs. Nonetheless I have plenty of coffee and fruit for that. Life is good. It really is. OMG the living members of Bee Gees just came on.

~Smobergirl

I feel like a patient...

...or in detox. Just in a poor me mood for days. Is it the drug? The detox? Am I just a baby? I just feel like relaxing and being cozy, which I am in an old blanket right now. Stuff came out about 30 minutes ago, preceded by me slamming my thumb on a slicer that was in a drawer. It's almost or as bad as the mandarin incident, same thumb in the same spot. Poor thumb. I heated a red pepper soup and put grilled asparagus in it. I had the rest of Monday's tilapia with leftover guac. I sliced a Persian cucumber and garnished it with cayenne salt. Then I made popcorn and had three frozen soy ice cream sandwiches. I'm having quite the emotional day. For days I've been taking 2-3 baths per day. I had one today and may take another before yoga nidra tonight. Cupcake swan is coming along, and I made a white frosting background on four little canvases. I went to Rueles and got a tiny pin point brush for the cherry background and the swan's beak. You'll see it will be fantastic. I got on the treadmill earlier and I gained my 5 pounds back. Fast-forwarding three months from now would be nice. Maybe I'm PMSing and I don't know it since I'm still on the Depo.


~Smobergirl

Day 10.

That's a nice, round number. It's been a long while since I've made a week actually. It's an overcast day but warm, which is nice to me. I had some things go through my head this morning, which I woke up at 4 and went back to sleep then got up at 7. I redeem it's true the more you stay sober the earlier you wake up. I'm trying to get my routine well-rounded now with exercise, painting, French, guitar, and perhaps finding a real job which I have been having a hard time with. I almost took a newspaper job then saw the demand for 14-16 hour days twice a week. Is my pickiness going to get me into trouble? LOL I just want to focus on putting myself back together first, and fortunately I can afford that right now. just relax Smobergirl, relax.

I had a mandarin, 1/2 of a leftover bison patty with avocado slices, grape tomatoes, and cauliflower mashed "potatoes" for breakfast. And the token iced coffee. Took my Antabuse early and I don't feel sluggish. You cut the dose in half after the first week, so I took it this morning to see if it wouldn't make me so tired. So far so good. I plan to do masala banghra or Gilad today then yoga nidra tonight, which is a deep meditation. Finish swan painting and start on cupcake owl (yes), geetar, and Rosetta Stone. The rest of my meals will be raw, and I may sneak another frozen Soy Delicious treat if need be.

Namaste,

Portia

Mind games.

I'm at a wine bar which has really nice burgers. I was healthy today so I got a bison burger with bleu cheese and avocado. Then I got the wine bug. I won't for the obvious and smart reasons, but I do hope and assume this gets easier. I'm going home to do my Rosetta Stone French then read in bed. Gotta get on the paintings mañana. I feel good, I just want my life to get better. That's the point of the bingeing quit. I hope it works!

~Smobergirl

Lighter

I thought I wanted a second iced coffee just now after having one at 9, then I found it to be 'heavy' even though it's cold pressed. When I had a mandarin and leftover tilapia with my guacamole and vegetables, I felt light still and happy. The yogi at the Mexico bootcamp I went to four years ago discussed the difference between light and heavy foods. You notice it after you eat. So I poured some yerba mate (tea) out of the fridge and it tastes much better. Like I said in the past, coffee is just a habit to me, like the wine and cigs. I 'think' I have to have it first thing in the morning, but it's just a pacifier. I actually feel good and energized right now from the breakfast I had this morning. I took my Antabuse, I hope it's not too early and it will not make me sleepy. Sometimes I feel tired and sometimes I don't. But I'll tell you this: It's doing the trick.

~Smobergirl

Jour neuf.

I am actually feeling better even though my lower lip is still dry (perhaps it's the Utah desert and not the alcohol) and I'm coughing up foggy smoke residue. I know it's awesome! Dunno if I am imagining that I'm losing weight from not drinking, but I think my face looks thinner and my back is going down. My butt is also looking tighter. It's only been over a week. I'm still 5 pounds less than 9 days ago and I thought I was eating a lot. Well for me I haven't been eating like a dump truck, just more often for the oral fixation I guess and more snack foods like nuts, frozen soy treats, or a small baked good. I will wean myself off of the latter. I did get tea tree oil toothpicks which I use a lot! And any drink with a straw is satisfying, which I mainly stick to iced coffee or a smoothie I make myself. Now that I think of it, I only had those 5 fries once in two weeks, and about 8 tortilla chips at the party with my famous guacamole. I worry I am shopping too much, but it's actually balancing out with the wine/cig money I'm not spending. I gave up saving for the DVF dress but I am focusing on taking these pills and spending more on healing or indulging foods, bath salts, lip gloss, and the like. I am not buying clothes until right before my brother gets married in September, for then I hope to be a smaller, healthier shape. That's more exciting than a $400 dress eh? Well for now. :)

~Smobergirl

Jour huite

Doing it. Feel okay. Lips still dry. I lost 5 pounds! What?! It came off of my side ribs first. Maybe explained the armpit soreness. j/k. I notice it in my face a little too. I definitely don't feel a bloat and Homer face is going down. Which is good because I feel like I've been eating so much. The drug is definitely stopping me from drinking and I am fine with that. I'm taking it around noon-1 now and I haven't been tired. I had 1/2 a mozz/basil/tomato sammy and a mandarin for breakfast, a small green curry and brown rice for lunch, and 4 oz. tilapia and cous cous for dinner. I just had a handful of macadamia nuts and spiced almonds. Oh and I had a frozen Soy Delicious Neopolitain dessert earlier. I still love my black iced coffees.


Bon nuit,

Smobergirl

CRS

Ha. I forgot I wrote about my one week smober. I felt like my father today and felt that I didn't get anything done, even though I spent four hours on the project. I also got my guitar in. Just more guilt that I don't have a real job maybe. Well I'm better now and watching the last episode of Lost. TTYL.

~Smobergirl

One Week.

Woohoo. I was thankful this morning that I didn't (erm couldn't) give in last night. The crave came in a wave, then it disappeared.

I was at a BBQ with a few friends from my high school swim team last night. I felt that I was the only one without a wine or beer in my hand. I made my famous guacamole and it was a hit. I ate that and salsa and 1/2 of a brownie and 3 cups of water before the grill was ready. I wanted a glass of wine so badly and if I wasn't on Antabuse, I probably would have then left getting a bottle on the way home and a pack of Nat's. Then a friend in a local band texted reminding me of a show I wanted to go to. Immediately the crave disappeared. I brought a beautiful filet of wild salmon and the host's wife made teriyaki sauce with fresh ginger and garlic. It was so yummy! There's a fish market downtown where I got it, and I should go there more often. I had an 8 oz. filet and ate 1/2. The other 1/2 is for later. Plus I had more chips, guac, and salsa than I wanted. I had that sweet craving last night so I'm grateful my friend made brownies. :) So, after I ate the salmon I ran down to the all-ages venue where the show was. Two Utah bands who both moved to LA last year were touring together, and it was a blast! All the sudden I had a burst of energy and I danced all night. Moving around was exactly what I needed to feel better!

I need to drop my pesky anxieties. I had a situation dumped on me but turned it into a positive activity. My lips are still dry and I have some bad cracks in my heels which makes them hurt. But at least my hips are back to normal! Man, I COULD NOT walk yesterday. Literally a pain in the ass. I woke up at 8:30 but tired. Trying not to freak out that I'll not lose or worse, (gasp) gain weight. But I'm a girl so I'll forgive myself for that. I will wait until noon or 2 to take my drugs (uh...huh) to see if I happen to wake up before then. I do have more motivation to get on my paintings and that activity for the non-profit station I work for however.

Okay I just had a bite, the leftover salmon and a mandarin. There is something about citrus, I tell ya. It's so bright and sunny. I don't know anyone who doesn't like oranges. I feel better already. Oh yeah and my cold-pressed iced coffee made me feel pretty good. Another trend I've been doing for the last few days is taking a hot bath in the morning. That sounds pretty good right now!

~Smobergirl

Not energizing.

I discovered www.groupon.com about a month ago and I love it. I got a coupon for Les Madelines and went in for lunch. Everything looked fantastic, but lol the nutrition student in me would say don't go in there. I had a caprese salad and the emotional junkie in me ordered frites with that. Not such a bad story, I picked off some of the artisian bread and stopped after 5 frites. But the dipping sauce was to die for. Ketchup on one half and garlic aoli on the other. So with my baked or raw sweet potato "frites" I make at home, I'm going to get more Grapeseed Vegenaise (don't get the regular kind, it's discusting) and mince garlic in it. To make it more pungent like Les Madelines, I may get the minced garlic in a jar. That stuff is really potent.

At least I had a big mandarin (they do come in larger sizes) and a smoothie for breakfast. My stomach isn't a total oil slick. ;)

Tonight I am going to a shin-dig with some old high school peeps and I'm making my famous guacamole.

I think tomorrow I'll take the Antabuse a little after noon tomorrow. Maybe that's what is making me tired. We'll see. Tomorrow is one week smober!

~Smobergirl

Owie

If I ever make it to 6 days, sometimes I bounce back and feel energized, and sometimes it's still hard and I feel tired still and onery. This is the latter. I have sleepy eyes, dry mouth and lips. Still congested. But I'm just observing and assuming this will pass. My skin does look better and I definitely don't have that crappy hangover look or feel. I am also soooo sore! I've been hitting the workouts pretty hard, even though Gilad, pilates, and yoga don't seem that tough. I can't walk, my armpits hurt (yes), and at least my abs feel tight and not bloated. I have to laugh and know this is a good thing. Maybe I should lay off the salty foods and the eyes and mouth may feel a bit better. I was going to go to Power 1 again but maybe I'll just sleep in.

Namaste,

~Smobergirl

Feeling tired. I also coughed the whole time during yoga. Serves me right. This too shall pass. Have cotton mouth a bit. Ate at 10 but not hungry after four hours. I just need to give it some time and hopefully I'll go back to normalcy soon. Is normalcy a word?

~Smobergirl

What a day and it's only 12:30. I did go to yoga this morning and broke a sweat. I still need to shower. Then I made a fresh mango (you can find them anywhere now) and pineapple smoothie with frozen strawberries and some blood orange tea. I also made another baguette and gorgonzola sammy vegged up with asparagus and yellow tomato. Then I watched recorded Grey's Anatomy. I usually only watch it once in a blue moon, but this was the final season episode when everyone (well most) in the hospital gets shot by an angry man who's wife he thought unfairly died there. TV is getting pretty brutal. So now it's bath time then I will get on the French and geetar. I took my Antabuse and it's gallery/fashion stroll is tonight so if it doesn't rain it will be a good smober shopping and viewing night. Well even if it does rain I'll still brave it. The outdoor photo is out my new windshield I had to replace. The blue thing on the left is tape I have to leave on until later this afternoon. $100 later I could pass my emissions inspection. A month ago a rock bit my windshield and a 4-inch crack turned into a foot in 4 weeks. BUMMER. This morning I don't know if I was high off the yoga or the windshield glue.

Namaste,

Smobergirl

Guten morgan!

For the first time in about six months I wake up at 7. It's foggy but warm outside. I feel a fog in my chest and a smoker's cough. Gross, but I'm assuming it's residue resurfacing from not smoking for five days. Ew. Having blood orange tea then a smoothie for breakfast. If I don't get my butt to Power 1 this morning then I'll do Gilad and lift weights. I feel awesome, I did push ups and bicep curls two days ago with Gilad and I'm just feeling it today. I was worried I'd gain weight from the quit, but I think that is not gonna happen. I'm hoping for the opposite. At least I'll be healthier!!

~Smobergirl

What A Whirl....what a whirl....

The eve of day 4 sucked. What stopped me from drinking wine at the art event I went to, or going out and buying some, was...ta da. I can't. (see previous posts, not the scrambled one lol) It's actually a tortuous blessing. I just made that phrase up. I also got a dizzy head this evening. Must be all the O2 going to my brain, or I'd hope so. Woo! This is why Food TV is good and evil: Bobby Flay grilled a baguette today brushed with olive oil then put gorgonzola cheese on it. Easy and cheezy. I'm not giving up the queso just yet. I did two versions: one with avocado and one with tomatoes and put them in the 'ol panini maker. So awesome. One for lunch and one for dinner. Breakfast was that fruity shake I made, with avo and 'moutard' wrapped in turkey. I am taking the herb/liver tonic kudzu again to protect it from the antabuse, if needed. Heck if my liver is still healthy after 8 years of bingeing, what is 6 months of a prescription....well I'm just going to cross my fingers and keep eating right.

So, I am going to take a bath then practice French and/or guitar then read in bed. I would like to get going more on my cupcake animal paintings tomorrow, after I hit power yoga in the morning, most likely.

~Smobergirl

That was fun. The blog via text got scrambled again. Have fun figuring that one out! I'm craving vino now and would like some at this event I am going to, but I can't because I'll most likely barf all over the party. I will have to get out of my comfort zone, but that's what happens when you break a habit.

action and see if I lose weight no drinky. I just got on Antabuse on Tuesday. It's the pill that makes you sick of you drink any alcohol. No pesky shrink

first place. If a human can't do it, this is second best. Now I am not a huge fan of percription medicine, and I like the natural approach, but this wil

ved and at my age I'm glad to get a liver test.

Food: Home made pineapple, tangelo, grapefruit, coconut water, and ice smoothie. Avocado and French must

baguette drizzled with olive oil and topped with gorgonzola cheese and heirloom tomato slices.

~Smobergirl

ard wrapped in a turkey slice. Cold-pressed iced coffee. Zucchini "noodles" with pesto, Moroccan olives, and pistachios. Raw sweet potato sticks. Grilled

ne wasn't damaged already. I passed with flying colors and I don't know if I should be surprised. I'm physically tougher than I thought I was. I am relie

l be temporary and I'll do it until the binge demon is dead who lived in my head. It may be hard on the liver, so I had to take a blood test to see if mi

ill. I want to discipline myself, transform myself, and enjoy a healthier and better lifestyle. This pill os my babysitter, which is what I wanted in the

e at night (I never desire a drink before 4 pm) then I just can't do it. Everyone is different, and yes morons have drank on Antabuse and became deathly

, rehab, or AA needed, except the drug recommends the shrink part. With me, I won't do something if I can't. I take the drug in the morning and if I crav

New plan.

Day four and I have the abstinance under control: Drugs. LOL that would be of the perscription kind. Now I can put this food experiment into

Stuff...

When "stuff comes out" it feels like a wave of emotion, then it subsides. Vinca and Alex, the holistic therapists I worked with a few years ago, were right. Emotions come up and that's part of the detox. Now only if I can stay binge-free and ride the waves until they get smaller and/or stop. I am feeding my body good water-based and vegan foods this morning. I made an avocado/pineapple/orange/lemon/green powder shake. Then I went to Utah's Eco-Fest and had a sun dried tomato and basil vegan dog with grain mustard, onions, and jalepenos. And I spent too much on an organic cotton undies set, but damn they're cute! Speaking of clothes I have $120 in the DVF dress fund already. The self-bribery is still working and I don't have too much longer to go. Maybe 18 more days actually. I think the wrap dress I want is 'only' $298. Some go for almost $400. I'm having fun doing this. Seems to be working so far.

~Smobergirl

Better Thinkin'

I feel great today. I just put another $20 in the DVF basket. I'm back to eating healthfully. I fell off the fresh food wagon for a few days and ate nothing but prosciuitto and cheese and meat and chips and salsa. See, if (and I'm talking alcohol terms now) they called it falling off the armored truck then it would be harder to fall off of it right? LOL. So I had a handful of blackberries when I woke up at 10 (still tired), for lunch a Guac N Roll at Sage's Cafe. So filling and delicious. It's all vegan, and organic, with the 'burger' being made of dehydrated crushed nuts. Then I had romaine leaves dipped in muhammarah and mole. Now I'm making more baked sweet tater fries.

I'm practicing my guitar, French, and nutrition more. I'm thinking of how to start my frosting paintings. I like the cupcake owls idea so far.

~Smobergirl

Cake paintings

So, I have three little square canvases which I was going to paint owls on to match my big painting. Then I couldn't find my big sponge brush I like to paint large surfaces with for the backgrounds. I found these flat sticks that came with the canvases which I have no idea what they are for, and started using them to spread the paint. It looked stripey, and I started with the brown one, so I started making it thicker on the pink one because I thought I could make it look like frosting. And cupcakes, even in art nowadays, are extremely a hot commodity right now. So I made a pink, "Red Velvet", and "chocolate" background on each. But for the red I used a smaller brush and did a figure 8 pattern. So now I'm either going to paint a cupcake on each, or cupcakes that morph into animals. For example, a cupcake with feet and an owl's face. We'll see. I miss doing art. What's my deal?

~Smobergirl

Murphy's Law.

I've had the unfinished owl painting for about a year. I could have finished it a year ago. I got new colors last Summer and never opened them. So, I finally got it out to finish, and I can't find my new paints, when I remember running into them last night. Don't cha hate it when that happens? During a quit I usually suffer a serious case of CRS. You figure out what that means. (Can't Remember...) So I pulled out 5 canvases from storage and I'm going to paint backgrounds on those with my old colors that I did find.

I'm going to a nice house party bringing one of my AA buds tonight. Since I left the cult at least he still keeps in touch. I'm making an appetizer of fig cake (the inside of figs smooshed and formed into a big disc), Beehive Cheese (a local dairy), sliced and dusted with cumin and wrapped in proscuitto. And we have to dress 30's chic. Also from storage I got out one of my grandmother's old hats to wear. I have five of them and two dresses from the 30s-40s. This one looks like a spider, but I promise it's really cute on. It will be a blast. One of my friend's French cafe-style bands will be playing. Swanky!

Feeling in good spirits today. Ate my anti-depressant tangelo for the day. Had some eggs, pesto, and goat cheese from Cafe Niche. Had my home made coffee. Drinking lemon water now and sweet potato 'fries' are baking. Tired though. I had insomnia last night. Being on the computer and having a store-bought iced coffee probably didn't help. However I did download some iPhone apps that I really like:

Relax Lite
iRelax
aSleep

I also got one called Mindwave that changes your brain frequency to relax, but I think the sound is really creepy. It's just me.

Overall having a nice, relaxing Sunday.

~Smobergirl

I think one of my problems is That I have this fantasy I'm not living. But life is good now. It's the theory that you say, "I'll be happy when...". And that's not good news bears. And there are both pros and cons to both being single and being with someone. There will always be something else to want. Crap happens, but with all of the crap that happened to me, life is still great. I pat myself on the back to find cool stuff to do. My friends will envy me and I just say, just pick up the weekly or look for posters and find something cool to do! That's what I do. Like
Nike says...

Weird sad day. More stuff coming out. I think I'll put in $20 per day in the DVF dress fund so I can do something every day. I still find myself doing the "stinkin thinkin" but I'm getting better at stopping it quickly most of the time. I'm at a fundraiser for Guadalupe schools and it's lifted my spirits up. I took a free salsa lesson and ate chili tamales and mole meatballs. The people here are mostly 30+. It's a really positive vibe. The DJ is awesome. A live band should start soon. The trick to not going home and weeping is to keep eating and dancing. When I pick up my guitar, it really calms me down. I just wished today that I was in a big, beautiful home playing for someone. I missed my old biologist boyfriend today. He plays acoustic guitar. He had a nice home and a sweet dog. My father and step-mom get back here for the Summer next week. I plan to hang with them as much as they allow me. I love the Hispanic culture. Sometimes I wish Americans would loosen up a bit like they can. I having fun tonight and a bit less sad.

~Smobergirl