Instincts

I finished my first weekend of yoga teacher training. There are things I like and things I don't like. I had a feeling initially not to go into this particular program at the studio I am going to, but my mom was hasty in 'having me do something', she's paying for it, and I am grateful for that and I'll learn something and stay fit. I am trying to convince myself that I need it. However, when it gets into the 'astrology' and 'Swarma yoga', I personally think that part is mumbo jumbo. I wished the training was more the physical yoga, but it's a package deal. I sat for two hours chanting cross legged wishing someone would cut off my legs because I wasn't allowed to stretch them out. Pointing the feet at the instructor was considered inappropriate. I'm like, "What?" Yesterday we were taught to get out of bed in the morning on the side of which nostril is most open, and with that leg. I am not kidding. I know I will be struck by lightning in my sleep tonight now. I was just really uncomfortable knowing this training is not cheap, and this is what I'm learning. Again, it is the belief. I'll be fine. I'll let you know what I learn next weekend.

On a positive note, we did learn the physical stuff this weekend too, and pranayama, which are breathing techniques. Ayurveda is tomorrow, and I am interested in that as well, only if I'm allowed to stretch out my legs during the lecture. ;)

Thanks for letting me vent. I was a bit discouraged here and there this weekend. But it did not drive me to drink or smoke.


I made good shakes this weekend with raspberries and plums. Noshing on cashews and almonds. Lots of soup was eaten for lunch. Made spaghetti squash for dinner last night. I had a veggie wrap from the Whole Foods today.

Smobergirl
Day 168

What am I going to do, put a bag over my head?

I'm not going to lie. I'm depressed this morning. A guy I used to date Tweeted a little slam on the Smobergirl yesterday and I got the post in my "Mentions" column because he mentioned my username. Clever that Twitter. He was one of the victims of my drunken angry hormone rants and I totally deserve it. I did it three years ago, but I probably still deserve it. You can't turn back the past. I already apologized. I think I'm blowing things up again and thought I've ruined my reputation for good with him, my old job, and then some. I'm just not in a good mood. So I made this hearty cereal!

MACA
1/4 cup oats
1/4 cup buckwheat groats
Dash cinnamon
Chia
Flax
Hemp
Walnuts
Dried cranberry/pomegranate mix
1 fresh plum
Handful raspberries.

I also did some breathing exercises and tensed up my body and let go two times.

One of my yogi heroes Baron Baptiste Tweeted this today: "Take responsibility for your reality". Great. Well did I take responsibility for my actions? Is there any more apologizing I need to do? I did the damage. I thought I sent all the apology emails I needed to send. I just feel like I should do something else. Like wave a magic wand and make those actions disappear! j/k However, I think I blow most stuff up out of proportion, and that makes me "suffer in my own head". That's another quote from Rolf Gates, another modern yoga dude. In your reality are you going to beat yourself up all day, because you will only suffer in your head, and therefore in your life. What else am I going to do? (see headline) On a different note, you don't know how better I feel living a sober life. I mean, it's really a breath of fresh air. It is absolutely true, the longer you don't have alcohol (and/or other harmful substances) the more reasons you come up with for not wanting it. It does help having a healthy lifestyle. I start yoga teacher training tomorrow and I'm just excited to further transform my lifestyle. With the chaos that still creeps up once in a while to make me feel guilty I need to decide how it's going to effect me. That's good advice, but it's hard not to feel bad. I'm working on that. I am hoping the training will help me too.

~Smobergirl
Day 164

Brrrrr

Warmth and Grounded Shake it:

1 ginger knob
1 blood orange
3 black mission figs
4 kale leaves
1 tsp green powder
1 tsp maca powder
1 tsp chia seeds
1 tsp ground flax seeds
1 tsp hemp seeds
1/4 cup water

This is a very delicious one. Add more fruit if you think it tastes too 'green' or 'earthy'. I found a morning in-bed yoga routine on Youtube that was just 5 minutes long and got all the kinks out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVIzvsHLFfg&feature=related

Also here's a simple morning sun salute that looked good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeL3IvG4iJI

I feel good and warm after my shake. The burning sensation of the ginger is nice for cold days. I am going to a Bikram class with a friend for the first time since college tomorrow. I'll give you a full report. Teacher training starts Friday!

Smobergirl
Day 163

Why don't bagels give me the same energy as shakes?

Why Why? You know, now I am 'hooked' on making these shakes, and I feel crappy if I don't have one in the morning. They make me feel that good.

Yesterday's Shake It:

Orchard shake~

Grapes, handful
1 apple
1 Celery stalk
1 Ginger knob
4 kale leaves
Chia, maca, flax, hemp
1/4 cup water

Maybe the Winter weather and staying up late is contributing to the tiredness. I ate more grapes and a bartlett pear to try and make up for the Black Market Bagel. www.blackmarketbagels.biz. I also took a maca capsule.
I sure loved the storm last night. I had insomnia again and I was up watching it from 1:30 to about 2:30.

Lunch: Cooked spaghetti squash with olive oil, sea salt, cracked pepper, Buzz In A Bottle, and herbs from my patio garden; catnip, oregeno, valerian, and rosemary. Buzz In A Bottle is concentrated cayenne from a guy in Park City. Gotta love the locals!

Speaking of, gotta get to my show. I still have a cough but I'm taking it easy. I made my own loop or infinity scarf by sewing up an old regular scarf I have. Voila, I have everything I need. Notice my sunflowers are dying. They were beautiful while they lasted!

~Smobergirl
Day 161

I have everything I need.

Can't sleep, clown will eat me. Simpson's reference. My adrenalin was up and I took a hot, long bath and I'm just chilling in bed with my laptop.

Even better still, when I got into the venue lo and behold I chose to stand right by a guy I've been thinking about for the last week because I want a part-time position at his work whilst I take my yoga teach training. Cutting in line was my mistake and I'll get over it, and if I didn't I wouldn't had run into my friend. Yeah the couple were extremely irritated with me. Man were they ticked off. I was totally busted. I did think it was charming though when they said, "Get back to the end of the cue!". Speaking of the British, I am now hooked on the comedy "Doc Martin". Always a fan of Britcoms. Most of them anyway. The Young Ones, Monty Python, Are You Being Served, and the talk show Graham Norton I'm a huge fan. Just don't piss the British off. Just kidding. That's not very yogi-like of me.

"George: You tell those pigs to fuck off. Archie: Fuck off, pigs." ~A Fish Called Wanda


Smobergirl

All mixed up

It's still a good day, I just got confused and embarrassed while in line for the Jonsi concert. I was waiting for about 30 minutes when an employee told those who ordered tickets online to go up front. I did, but I needed a print out which I didn't have. Duh. I already lost my spot in line. I didn't use common sence and skipped the line when a bouncer told me to. Moron. Me and him. I proceeded to get yelled at by an angry British couple. A good looking man behind them said I can stand in front of him, then I said it wasn't fair and I went to the back red-faced. Then the hormones kicked in and tears just started streaming down my face. Either it was stuff coming out, chemical imbalance, or just being a sensitive idiot. I am a crier. Then it turned into something good, because the girl behind me was raving about a local band I hve not heard of to her friends. So I wrote it down. Maybe they're good. Lesson learned. I'm cool now. For the record, there are a lot of good looking guys here. Feeling tons better with said eye candy. Show should start soon.

Smobergirl

Om namah shivaya

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0xo4TIfiOY

Yoga teacher training starts in one week. I was questioning myself if I am actually qualified but my friends think otherwise and therefore I have better confidence about it now. Importantly I will keep busy. A cute singer friend of mine did it and had a ball.

I'm making progress with my "I have all that I need" mantra. I ate all of my meals at home, created new outfits out of my closet to wear this weekend to several events. It's going to be a fun weekend. I'm going to Jonsi, and I'm going to rock that. Then I have two birthday parties on Saturday, one at a restaurant and one at a bar. The bar B-Day girl knows I don't drink so if I wanted to slip out early I think she won't mind so much. Then Sunday I scored free tickets to the opera from my friend who runs Vivace. I'm on the board and she's not going and happens to have tickets to it. It's a classic and I wanted to go so badly. There ya go. The stars smiled upon me. Now I need a date. Should I call that guy and see if he wants to see it twice? j/k

I finished the soup I made (those frozen mushrooms from Harmon's, amazing by the way, and cheaper than fresh) and polished off the curry and rice. I am maintaining a healthy 133 pounds. I look younger and my face is clear and looking good for 39. I mean 29. I want to google alcohol and external body benefits of quitting. I want to see if I dropped weight because of it, or if it was just the shakes and not eating out as much; or both.


Smobergirl

Day 158

I am 22 1/2 weeks quit. The iced coffee is still helping. In line to get one now!

Breathe and chill

Inhale.... (cough)

I think I know partly why I haven't dated in two years. I'm not good enough, smart enough, and dog gone it, guys don't like me. That is not true, but I need to drop the fact that I'm worthless because I don't have a full-time job. Or do you agree? I'm hoping to at least get A job by February in the yoga field. I am also interested in a teen-audio/visual program where I can mentor. It all depends on job availability. But I really should not feel so bad? I read today unemployment went up from 27,000 to something like over 400,000 in the states? Is that right? So if I'm a bum should I feel not worthy to date? Or do I talk too much? Is it my moles? Do I smell? Am I too dramatic? Am I weird? You know what, I think I'm just sick and need to rest...because I just got a date offer today and now I'm freaking out...

...A few funny, really funny things about "I have all that I need" today. The timing may have been less than perfect though. I really wanted to go to a concert tomorrow, and just decided to buy a ticket online 15 minutes ago. Two seconds later I check my email and a friend of mine in the Utah Opera/Symphony world asks me if she could set me up on a blind date with a cello-playing friend of hers that same night because he has an extra ticket to La Boheme. I'm like GREAT! I just bought a non-refundable ticket to Jonsi. Then I thought greeeeaaat, he'll probably be really turned off by me anyway. Hmmmm, I wonder why I haven't successfully dated in 2 years. I'm such a moron. I am a moron. Please tell me I'm a self-destructive imbicile. lol So anyway, I have all that I need, again, and I didn't have to get that concert ticket. I need to work harder on universe timing. Hoo boy.

Shake: No shake. Cold and miserable so I heated up a curry from my nice neighbor. Having a home made iced coffee with a freshly ground cinnamon stick. Cinny is an immune booster, and you can grind the sticks in your coffee grinder. Magic.

Smobergirl
Day 157

Mantras

A mantra is a motto if you will, something that you believe in, a repeated word or phrase. I have been trying to be successful with the mantra "I have all that I need". I'm getting better at it, attempting to lose the shopaholic tendencies that have been replacing my wining (never whining) and smoking as of late. "I deserve this!" has been my mantra for the last couple of months. Then I thought I was proud of myself finding yoga capris at TJ Maxx for $12.99, only to find that I own two pairs almost exactly like them. So today I kinda had a miracle with "I have everything I need." I was buggin about my grocery habits, and decided to cut down and go to Harmon's instead of Whole Paycheck. I spent about the same, actually, and how did that happen. I kinda moped on the way home, made a huge home made soup which smelled awesome with black beans and frozen mushrooms from Harmon's, frozen peas, garlic, ginger knob sliced, tomato diced, water and veggie broth powder. Then I get a knock on my door. It's my Indian neighbor with veggie coconut curry she made, because I picked her up from the airport the other night. This was about noonish. Then she asked if I've eaten yet, and we had some of it at her place. Then she breaks out different things like dal she just made and yogurt to add the basmati rice we had for dessert. Then she sends me home with even more stuff than she originally had brought over. I'm totally stocked for at least 2-3 more days' worth of dal, rice, and curry. I think the lesson here was, did I need the Harmon's run? On top of that I had lunch with a new friend. I really like her. She's about my age and her hubby just got a job out of town, so we both decided we could use company from each other now and again.

Oh and I'm kind of sick, hence making soup today. I joked with another friend over the phone today that since I'm going to be a yoga teacher, that people think I'm crazy if I A: drink coffee, B: eat meat, C: pull a muscle, and 4: get sick. It's like I have to be this hippie athlete superhero, which I am only about 335 days of the year. Just kidding. Have you ever tasted a funny taste in your mouth which fogs up from your throat when you get sick? I have that action going on right now. I know grody. I have plans to go to Bikram tomorrow afternoon with another buddy whom I've been trying to hook up with to do yoga with for months, so I hope I'm up to par. However I did enjoy the 30 Rock marathon courtesy of Netflix and leftover dal and rice today. Okay and about 20 spiced cashews from Trader Joe's my mom sent only a few days ago. Feed a cold, right? And I never needed that grocery run today.

Smobergirl
Day 156

5 months quit both booze and sickerettes ajourdui!

Listening to my body.

Day 152 peeps. I should get my third liver maintenance test and CVC (whatever that is) results next week. I was not hungry at all today, but ate more than I wanted and now feel physically uncomfortable. Oops. Note to self: listen to the bod next time.

Shake:

It was the last downtown farmer's market today and I rode my bicycle over and had a raw cacao/banana smoothie.

I found baby greens, my precious Happy Monkey XXX Hummus, (they will soon be in Whole Foods and Harmons) Drake Family Farms' jalepeno goat chevre, and mushrooms from my friends Amber and Rob. I went to Power Hour at CCY. It's 1 hour of power yoga. I told my dad I did an hour of power, and he laughed because there was that old church show on TV called "Hour Of Power".

My poor tummy. Okay, damn you Laloo's and Crumb Brothers. lol. I am hanging out ( I should be practicing French or guitar or painting) waiting for 10 pm to roll around. I promised a friend I'd see him and 3 others do comedy tonight. It's at a bar and grill, all ages so I won't feel uncomfortable. If it was in a wine bar...different story. I have been thinking, and the 6-month mark is in a month from tomorrow, that I'd better stick with Antabuse for another 6. That is if the assistant doesn't call me back next week saying that my liver is failing from the drug, which I really doubt it is. Why did eat soooo much? I guess I am a bit paranoid that I'll gain the weight back from a little dairy and processed grains. Pishaw. And I did my hour of power today. Man my ankles were sore! We did a million (okay four) forward folds with our legs way wide apart. You hold that for then a million seconds, or 2 minutes. I am getting excited for the teacher training. Getting a real job, feeling part of the real world. Playing by the rules. Not feeling like a guilty bum. I am even thinking maybe I could get a job out of the state. Maybe. Get out of dodge. It is quite probable, actually, that it could end up that my brother and the new wife, my dad and stepmom, me, and maybe even my mother and step-dad could all end up in California by chance. I keep threatening to move to Seattle, Vancouver, or Portland, then my father keeps saying how high the suicide rates are there, at least in Seattle and Portland. It's just cold in Canada.

So I got fresh kale and it's back to home-made smoothie, big SALAD for dinner and maybe a small goat cheese and mushroom sammy for lunch tomorrow. I'll toss or freeze....can you freeze pasta?

Smobergirl

Day 150

At first this morning I thought "well that's not that long." then I realized it actually is. One year sounds more impressive, but I'm almost halfway there, if I choose to stay off the booze, which more plausible; but definitely smoking I'm going to be super-excited to make that first year. I think your lungs return to normal after 5-10 years, but one is pretty awesome. 150 days is pretty awesome.

I actually talked to my step-mother today and I told her I have the Antabuse prescription for 6 months, but I think I want to take it for a year. I still have a big craving about every 40 days, and she told me that she saw a movie on TV, which she rented through Netflix for me, and it's a public service movie about alcoholism, AND it mentions that the brain craves it every month or so after a period of sobriety. It's a movie about the genetics of alcoholism. So it's good to know that I'm normally on my way. And of course it's good to know that there are materials like this out there. That old fan of mine who was bashing me behind my back, I don't want her to understand, it's not up to her to understand. Yeah it made me upset, but hello, I'm going to make people uncomfortable with this blog.

What I don't understand is making a second batch of Pasta Ponza. Speaking of pasta withdrawals. I 'only' had a serving and 1/2 today. I made it right this time too. I didn't have the capers and forgot the olive oil on top of the breadcrumbs the first time. Sooooo I HAD to make it again! I don't think I've eaten pasta for three months until last week, and cheese besides goat cheese. This is the perfect marriage of light sea salt, sweet, and tang I just can't stop. I don't think there is a Pasta Anon meeting in my area though. Oh but you see I made a salad with it! It's kale even, with butter lettuce, green onion, pepitas, walnuts, pumpkin seed oil, and lemon juice. I even feel better breaking out the BOSU. I love that thing. It's still $99 after the phenom came out decades ago, which was frustrating to me, but it is a good product. And I feel even BETTER having my precious hormone-balancing shake this morning.

Shake it:
1 tart red apple
1 bok choy
lemon juice from 1 lemon
1/4 cup water (mmmm spa water with 1 vanilla bean, lemon slices, and mint sprigs in the pitcher)
1 TBS maca
1 TBS chia seeds
1 tsp flax seeds ground
1 tsp hemp seeds
LOVE

So I got another liver test today (and I had to get a CVC [?] I'll ask when they call with the results) and about five blocks away I see a truck parked in a driveway that said "Wine Ice Cream". I couldn't have had better timing.

Namaste and love and all that jazz,

Smobergirl

Beautiful day. Depo shot due in 2 weeks. Not gonna do it for 1st time in 10 years .

I actually feel skinnier today. Go pasta and bagels if you know what's in them.

Pasta monster

Je suis une fat-ass, no not really. I have forbidden myself to buy crackers for a few years, especially with a hunk of cheese, because it's hard not to eat it all in 1-2 days. I discovered the local bagel lady last week who sells out of her home. www.blackmarketbagels.biz, and now carbs are back this week in full-force, but it's been three whole days. And I'm still barely eating out. So the same goes for pasta. If I make the 'serves 4-8' then I'll sometimes eat 2 servings a day, maybe three. Of course I don't want to gain that 23 pounds back. Good thing is, I still don't eat a lot at one setting. I just have more settings! Buahahahahah. Pasta Ponza, actually not that evil, but you can't just have one bowl....unless it's this big. No, actually I am still good at small portion sizes. But living alone is tough. It's like, "I made this thing, gotta finish it by the end of the week!". That's the evil part, but it's good while it lasts. I need to give myself a break. I did my power yoga today. Doing more tomorrow. At least I know what is in said-pasta. A shitload of tomatoes! Can't complain about that. I found really good ones at the last Tuesday Farmer's mkt today. (Caputo's will have a food co-op for two more Tuesdays in their parking lot, BTW). I did sub olive oil for the butter, so I feel good about that, even though the butter is just to grease the pan. I'm just anti-butter. But the thing is a salt-bomb. Cheese, capers, salty pasta water, natural salt in tomatoes, added sea salt. So I'm upping the ante on the agua tonight.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/pasta-ponza-recipe/index.html

Shake:

2 kale leaves
1 fuji apple
1/2 cup water
maca
chia
hemp
flax
knob (ginger)

I do the opposite of the 'royalty' diet. Have you heard of that one? Eat like a king for breakfast, a prince for lunch and a pauper for dinner. Turn that around and that's what I've been doing. It's funny but true. Actually the real evil here is losing weight then being paranoid to gain it back when you eat pasta and bagels. There I said it. I don't want to develop an eating disorder. I want to enjoy food. I want to nourish my body with things that give me energy and make me look good, but I like a good pasta or calzone from Este or a chewy warm bagel made fresh from some nice lady in Sugarhouse once in a while. I think I'll be just fine. And FUUUUUUUUUUDGE. I just quit the smokin and the drinkin. I am too hard on myself.

So hey I had a Truth about Tobacco guy on my show today. It was really cool. My mom is 6 weeks quit. So proud. She's doing the lozenges for 12 weeks.

Love, and I hope you are enjoying the Fall weather slowly creeping in,

Namaste,

Smobergirl
Day 149!

Happy Fall!

Baby, it's cold outside. Well, it's about 63 degrees and overcast. This is my kind of weather. Well, more like 75 and overcast but still, I like that Seattle and Portland weather. Speaking of Portland (kind of) I'm all tickled cuz one of my favorite yoga teachers is opening up a new studio with another great teach right across the street from the radio station I used to work at. No, that's not the reason. There is a place in Portland's Pearl district which is a natural cafe/yoga studio, and that's what these guys are doing. They are holding classes now, but the final product won't be finished until November. Still stoked.

No shake today. I was up reading and playing on the laptop until 3 am (a habit about 2 months on and off in the running) so I woke up at 1 pm and made leftover Trader Joe's lentil soup with the acorn squash, scallion, garlic, and farmer's market tomato I put in. And I made the best salad with baby butter lettuce I found at the Tuesday downtown market. There's one more left next week. I am now baking sweet potato chips for a BBQ. I can't wait to hit up Aquarius for a fresh filet of salmon. I have these guava frozen ices stocked in my freezer. They are truly a frozen anti-depressant. You know guava is my favorite thing in the world.

20 minute walk on treadmill today. I did some yoga poses to wake up. Cat-cow, down dog, tree, table top.

Smobergirl
Day 146

Too many almonds, or what a weird yet creative day, or ugh too many almonds.

At least I don't feel guilty, I just feel a sour stomach. I could have said, "too much wine and smoking" right? Or, "too many fries and double cheeseburgers". I spent all day at home painting up a storm, washing the balcony after three years of neglect, ew gross, jumping on the Bosu, playing with the cats, and doing a relaxing but core-building (that means abs) kundalini workout. I didn't even check the mail.

First I woke up at noon. I was stressing a little yesterday about some stuff and maybe my body needed the rest. I did feel refreshed at noon. I had my shake.

1/4 cup raspberries
1/4 cup spa water (limes, mint infused. Mint from my planter! Thanks to my brother who gave me herb garden seeds for Christmas last year. They actually grew and I have chamomile, mint, lavender, and um some other things I forgot what's in there.)
1 tsp cocoa/maca
1 tsp chia seeds
1 tsp flax
1 tsp hemp
3 small kale leaves
1 bok choy
2 tiny ginger knobs

My mother sends me stuff from the Las Vegas Trader Joe's sometimes when she goes. She lives in St. George so she goes there quite often. She gave me a lentil soup mix from Red Mill that is delish. I added scallions, garlic, the acorn squash that had been sitting in my fridge for a month, and tomato. Then an hour ago I got into the Trader Joe's tamari almonds and went a little crazy. Now I am thanking my lucky stars I live alone, I'm not lonely tonight! because apparently tamari almonds cause serious flatulence.

Speaking of me mum, I kinda got the guilt talk about how I shouldn't be such a bum. Maybe that's why I got so guilty and worked up. I kinda signed up for yoga teacher training (yep doing it. It starts on the 29th) because I have to and she said I had to do something. Don't get me wrong, I am stoked, just nervous that's all. I can't sit around anymore whining about my radio and drinking mishaps. A year and 1/2 is enough. Then she asked me if yoga teaching pays the bills and I'm biting my nails thinking well dear God I hope so. I am assuming this: It will at least improve my lifestyle. And B: Perhaps brain wash me into a hippy, but I'd be happy, right? Then I'd scare off all my friends by telling them that they need to open their chakras or that they have negative auras. I'm just kidding. lol.

My mom is a successful artist, and she likes to tell me how she paints seven hours a day so I should get off my tush and do something. Well then I thought that's easy. I'LL paint seven hours a day! I think I did 'only' about 5 today but I got so much done, and I am going to impress the pants off of her. Or try. I'm almost done with a pretty cherry blossom painting, and my mom has never heard of Day Of The Dead dolls, so I painted some gourds white tonight, and I'm going to show her what that's all about. She's a gourd artist, and in 5 art galleries in Utah. She just sold three to a man in Singapore for $3000. What what? She is very talented. I neglected a horse bowl we took a class on two years ago and I spent about two hours on that today. She told me that I 'out burn' her so that's a huge compliment and it felt great to almost finish it. Instead of carving gourds, you burn patterns in them with a burning tool. Art for me is a lot like meditation. I liked doing mosaics so much, it was like putting a puzzle together. I've taken watercolor and oil painting classes in college. Then I discovered mosaics. Then I got so wrapped up in trying to make a lot of money as a DJ or voiceover artist which never happened, turned into an alcoholic, then lost interest in a lot of things including doing art and cleaning my stupid balcony. Plus I got the typical lectures back in the day from other family members and old boyfriends about how art is great but it doesn't pay the bills. Thank God I listened to them. Bastards. No, not bitter at all. :)

I am now starting to feel like my life is coming back together. Good day, good day.

Smobergirl
Day 144

It's like clockwork. Craving every 40-ish days since month 3. Feeling okay though now.

Raw

Shake:

2 large kale leaves
1 bosc pear
ginger knob!
1 tsp cocoa and maca powder
1 tsp flax seeds ground
1/4 cup spa water (from a pitcher of mint, cucumber, and lemon slices)
1 tsp chia seeds

Lunch:

Sarma's 'Fix Me' salad with a few tweaks.

chopped kale
1/2 avocado
basil leaves, torn
spiced pumpkin seeds (pepitas)
sliced heirloom tomato
sliced fennel
cubed bok choy
pumpkin seed oil
sea salt
Daiya vegan cheese shreds

I also had the rest of Mazza's muhammara and hummus on a romaine lettuce leaf, and sliced a bit of a raw yam with BBQ and spicy mustard to dip in.

Yoga:

Express at CCY on 9th and 9th. I did my favorite inversion, a tripod stand. Seeing the world from a different perspective and having my organs shift up. Apparently this is good for them. Plus I like to stand on my head. I always liked gym and the like. I can still do cartwheels. Oh yeah, Bandit's new thing now is somersaults. Must get a video opportunity someday!

I read some of Sarma's first book last night and she talked about emotional detox from going raw. I am just playing with this idea again. However I still fall back on iced coffee and chocolate and goat ice cream. Need to slow the emotional detox, you know. ;)

I am watching a paid program on anxiety and depression and I'm definitely figuring out my own issues just by watching people's stories on the TV. Funny story, the holistic therapist I worked with gave my mom, who has wanted to quit smoking for years, a free session. Then she offered her "only $495 for ten sessions" to make her quit smoking, and saying THAT made my mom quit! She just said no thanks, that was six weeks ago and my mother hasn't had one cigarette since. Sometimes, maybe all of the time, the answer is not 'out there' but within us. She got the gum, she was hungry all the time for a few weeks, but she's doing it.

Namaste,

Smobergirl
Day 141

Dessert for dinner.

I'm no saint. LOL. For lunch I did have a soba noodle dish I made with mushrooms, tomatoes, sliced ginger (on this ginger kick), nama shoyu (raw soy sauce), sesame oil, black and white sesame seeds, and basil. I made a raw chocolate sauce from "Living Raw Food" by Sarma Melngailis. So so sos os osososososo good. Then I crumbled her cacao bits on top. www.oneluckyduck.com. I'm in an agave/cocoa powder coma. Hee hee. Put that goo on goat ice cream. www.laloos.com. Right now the only dairy I'll eat is from goats. And I do miss artisan cheese! The website explains goat dairy vs other dairy.

~Smobergirl

Setting the tone.

I read in my Baron Baptiste "40 Days To Personal Revolution" book last night that meditation is a must for 'setting the tone' for his day. He has three boys to take care of, then there is his business and of course personal life. He does it for 30 minutes each morning, and evening to 'dump out' the day. I don't know if that is an appropriate phrase. lol. So I did 10 minutes this morning and I feel lighter and I'm smiling more. I think I suffer in my head with my past and what I did to 'screw things up' recently with drinking. Did I really screw them up, I asked myself. And those things don't matter now. I consider myself to be a sensitive person with 'I feel' as my mantra, but is that bad, I don't think so. And there are not a lot of touchy-feely peeps in the media. Anywho, meditating could be a requirement for me every morning and evening now.

Let your light shine on this beautiful Sunday. I secretly hope it storms on this warm day.

~Smobergirl

P.S. TOES!! I took off my Hawaii manicure and for the first time in at least ten years my nails were not yellow or cloudy. I would like to think it's because I'm not smoking anymore. This is the first day in about that time that I dare not to cover them with polish. Yippee!

Gingerly morning.

Since I got back from Maui I've been using ginger in my shakes every morning, with the exception of yesterday when I had a smoothie at the farmer's market and lost my maca fix. I accidentally O.D.ed on the cocoa maca this morning, but maybe I need to make up for my head drama yesterday. :) I had ginger sitting in my fridge for over two weeks so I thought I'd use them up. Here's what ginger does for your bod:

You should not take ginger if you have gallstones or if you are taking wayfarin. Ginger is a stimulant and is used for colic, constipation, diarrhea, heart disease, and can thin the blood. For more info you can check out Wikipedia or a dictionary site. Ginger is commonly used for tea and in Asian dishes. It's a tuber and part of the tumeric family.

Great-tasting, ugly-looking, ginger peach smoothie for 10/3/10:

1 dark bok choy
1 knob ginger
2 small peaches
Huge heaping tablespoon of cocoa and maca powder
1 teaspoon chia seeds
1 teaspoon flax seeds, ground
1/4 cup white tea

Favorite morning yoga vinyasa: Seated forward bend to plow pose. Sit upright with your legs straight in front of you. bend over to touch your toes or ankles, or shins or knees. then lay on your back into Plow, legs still straight and the goal is to touch your toes to the floor over your head. Please be careful. repeat 10-20 times. It loosens and stimulates the spine. Here is a good seated forward bend video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vZ7dqorgLY&feature=channel

And Plow without breaking your neck....just kidding:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6hAIWDVAUM

~Smobergirl
Day 140

Appreciating what I have.

I have this new-ish hamsa pendant I love. Today I re-discovered the Crown Royal bag (the irony) full of old foreign coins under the bathroom sink. I peeked in there and found a chinese coin which I added on the chain. They make a beautiful chime sound together, and they look nice together too.

Especially with not having a vice anymore shopping is usually a quick fix. I am learning to 'shop in my closet' more and I am taking advantage of TJ Maxx for $16 yoga pants instead of $60+ at the online yoga stores. I found Prana there which made me squeal. But more importantly, there are the neglected cute yoga pants that I had to have online years ago which I really appreciate now. I also just got a sweet check for over $250 at a consignment shop, which I took a bunch of my clothes that either don't fit anymore (23 pounds lost so far!) or that I haven't worn at least for a year. I am also still cooking 95% of my meals at home. I don't feel like I'm missing out or being anti-social. That's what yoga classes and community events are for. I don't have to eat out, especially to a place where I don't know what is in my food. I am very picky where I go now. Here are some of my still-favorite affordable haunts:

Mazza
Sage's Cafe
Vertical Diner
Este Pizza
Tin Angel Cafe
Cafe Oasis

Great now I'm hungry. ;)

~Smobergirl

Thoughts, yoga and pesto.

Whew. More depressed action today, but I'm trying to observe it and not get wrapped up in it. I can't wait for this time next year when the Depo Provera should be completely out of my system and see if it's the culprit. The more I read those forums about Depo connected to suicidal thoughts and depression, the more I am believing that's the culprit and I'm not normally like this. Can you sue companies for messing with your hormones? Didn't think so. I don't consider myself to feel burnt out so easily, but I am a little hesitant to get my teacher training, well yeah maybe because I've tried so hard at many other things and nothing has really stuck. Well yeah I've been a radio DJ for 18 years, but always a part-timer, making no more than $10 an hour, and completely volunteering now. (My mobile business makes good money when I have the gigs. I just wish I could get 1-2 weddings or events a week instead of 1-2 a month.) It's the scenario when you paint a pretty picture with a new job/career then it's not what you expected. But I have this notion that teaching yoga will improve my life, and in turn I'll help others. I am quite the nurturer, I don't want kids, but for example I liked to steer local bands in the right direction. The training covers a boatload of stuff: Diet, Ayurveda, history, breathing, interning, mentorship.

A friend told me that a past fan of mine was trashing me, especially since my recovery. Of course the first thing I wanted to do is figure out what my problem is, and WTF, but I would only suffer in my own head. Someone once told me last year, "Even sober, and if you try to be the best person in the world, you will still piss people off one way or the other." That's something we all should know. With my anxieties, once in a while, including today, I'd ask "Why does everyone hate me?". I know, I'm going mad. So in turn, I just let it go. I know I am "brave" talking about this, but this is how I'm feeling right now. Maybe it is Post Vacation Stress Disorder. I did catch myself saying that I wanted to get out of this town. Move to CA where THE BEACH IS. I feel better now. I went to a free yoga event and my sweet neighbor came with me. She's Indian and grew up doing yoga, but just as a kid.

Then I made a quick dinner: Pesto (so easy and you don't have to use pine nuts, or basil for that matter. Most nuts and greens will do with garlic, sea salt, and olive oil) of pistachios, and basil from the Asian market. Quinoa, chantarelles, grape tomatoes, and avocado were dumped into a bowl and I poured the pesto on top. Then I had a romaine leaf with muhammara leftover from lunch at Mazza. Yummy. I had an iced tea with lime juice. I love citrus. It's a good body cleanser for your insides, and you can rub a lemon or lime on your face (YEEESSSSS) as a toner. It may even fade spots. Yes I am typing with lime on my face, chest, and hands right now. Limey.

So yeah I'm laughing the 'stinkin thinkin' off. It really is worth it to NOT think about the past or worry about the future. Easy, but we are so good at doing all that shit. I just need to get out of my head. More often than not. I worry about having a career, that's why I'm stewing. Kinda upset about this trash talk by someone I met once. Pish! Doing much better. Chilling now. Full. Happy. Stretched out.

~Smobergirl
Day 138

Halfway there. Time for my iced coffee. ;)

Hawaii photos. Only 5 at a time allowed per post it looks like. I have 30!

Good morning!

Where's the beach?

Shake it:

1 bosc pear
1 small cucumber
1 too large knob of ginger
1/4 cup water
1 TBS maca
1 tsp chia
1 tasp flax
1 small bunch of cucumber greens from Chad at the DT farmer's market


It burns it burns!! But ginger is very medicinal and it burns so good.