Rest Day
I get one rest day out of the week, so this is it. I am scheduled to go to a pilates reformer class tomorrow and I'll hit the weights. Good night!

Smobergirl

"Cut The Crap" Hangover

Yes, that's what it's called. It's in Tosca Reno's book. I, being ignorant because I thought I was healthy in the first place, skipped the fact that I could experience blemishes, fatigue, and "flu symptoms". Well there ya go. I'm also getting out of my comfort zone. I really am a foodie and being single I like to go out and eat socially, however hallelujah Reno has advice for eating out, because she knows we're only human. Yay we can eat out. I have plans to have sushi with friends for lunch tomorrow, easy. Then lunch on Friday with a friend at a vegan place, easy. I just need to watch the sodium intake and not eat bread or white rice. No spicy mayo. No tempura. I can do it. Heck I went vegan for 40 days, I can handle this. I like me a challenge. My nose is still buggin and I'm still a bit tired though. Tosca how can I work out 6 times a week if I have "flu-like symptoms"? :) Yes, I did get a nice red zit on my cheekbone thanks very much. I'm assuming that I'm cleansing. I can't wait to see what happens. I hope something positive happens.

Look what came in the mail today? Synchronicity. Down dog is recommended for the common cold . To drain your head maybe?

Dinner was a version of Reno's spinach florentine without the spinach. I ran out. It's two egg whites folded in a square over baby greens from my planter! Aren't they cute? I can have hot sauce, yay, so I dashed that on top. Roasted red bell pepper, fresh orange bell pepper and minced garlic. Roasted sweet potato wedge. And brown rice. Being on this diet makes me realise that even though it's sea salt, I use a lot more of it than she recommends. Then there's the eating out, and I'm sure most places use table salt and sugar. Speaking of sugar, for sweet I had a snack in the form of a shake in-between lunch and dinner.

5 strawberries
1 cup water
1 scoop cocoa hemp protein powder
Ice cubes
1 tablespoon flax seeds


Reno talks about flax seeds in the book, and recommends 2 tablespoons of ground flax seeds every day. I agree with her and my holistic therapists that grinding them is essential to get their nutrients and for proper digestion. And it helps "move things along" too. So flax is awesome for constipation. Oh you love my potty talk and you know it.

Smobergirl

Giving in.

I changed my mind again. LOL not cigs and wine. DRUUUGS. Hey I got them at Smith's. I feel better but this is why I'm against them: Liver warnings. Fun. Both the allergy and PMS drugs I got had them. So I may just eat a hot pepper if the symptoms come back and hold my head over a pot of steaming water. Or something else. I also steer away from over the counter drugs because they mask the symptoms. I read somewhere that you are supposed to cough or sneeze it out, not suppress your bodily functions. What is right right?

What I should be doing is the yoga for PMS poses and headaches, and diet for the same. Magnesium, calcium, A, C, E. DON'T do inversions. Cramps can be aggravated by emotional stress so yoga is great. Cat-cow pose, alternate nostril breathing, bow, cobra, fish, neck rolls, kapalabhati breathing (that also gets the mucus out), easy pose (sitting cross-legged), and Corpse pose. Kapawhatta? In layman's terms it's called 'skull shining' because you feel dizzy afterwards. No, I think it's supposed to 'shine' the skull. That's what the yogis say! You 'pump' your abdomen 20 times fast for two rounds breathing out your nose. It's energizing but you usually need a tissue afterwards. Good for a stuffy nose. And cramps apparently. I think I'll do those when the pill wears off and get back to you. So I made a great salad with a lot of C and E, folic acid, protein, magnesium, phosphorous, A, calcium, and iron. It has quinoa, spinach, arugula, mint, blueberries, watermelon, apple cider vinegar, walnuts, avocado (a calming food), and red onion. It's delicious. Then I have a big bottle of mineral water. My friends like to tease me and say that it's vodka because it looks like a bottle of vodka. I had a touch of home made iced teechino/coffee left and poured that into a cup of almond milk I also made. Almond milk tastes so good with vanilla extract. The packaged stuff usually has guar gum, sugar, and other stuff, so I make my own. And no sugar in the eat-clean diet. In case you don't know, most ketchups and BBQ sauces have sugar in them too. Read your labels!

Okay I feel relaxed, no pain, but a little tired. The lunch worked it seems and so did the skull-shining. I am sitting in a cross-legged seat now. The head stuff could be allergies or a cold, who knows. I've always had hay fever. That's my next goal, trying to combat that naturally. I'm amazed how I thought I would starve from this diet and I'm not. Also, it takes time for us to feel full, about 20 minutes, and if I wait after even this small meal I usually feel it. The quinoa expands, and there's healthy oils in the avocado, walnuts, and almonds; and there's lots of fiber and water. And I drank water! I also made my first batch of popcorn and it's more satisfying than I thought. It tastes salty with just the 1/4 tsp. And I didn't even eat all of the 1/4 cup kernels, which expand to 3 cups. The nutritional yeast is really flavorful, and I like it with the chili powder.

For breakfast I had a kale shake.

3 kale leaves
1 cored apple
1/2 frozen banana
1 cup spa water
maca
chia
flax
hemp

Smobergirl

I changed my mind. No drugs. My cramps lasted 5 minutes and were not bad at all. I think the hot lemon water cleared my nose too. Just feels like allergies now.

Ow. :)

Cramps.
Stuffy nose.
Frequent bathroom stops.


This is a good thing.....right?

Let me recap: I'm on the Tosca Reno Eat-Clean detox diet until my trip, my periods are back to normal, and either I have a cold (could be from stress) or it's part of the detox. It's funny that sometimes you don't realize how much of one thing you were eating until you stop. It's like smoking kind of, when I stopped for a while I really noticed a huge improvement in my body, and I now can't stand being around smoke. When I went vegan for lent, I didn't eat any meat to begin with except for fish, and I didn't think I ate much dairy. However I lost 8 pounds in two weeks, felt lighter, and had more energy. Mind you I also had to be a Nazi about butter, mayo, cream, and other sneaky dairy from restaurants.

So yeah I should be happy then? Excuse me while I go to the store for some Midol, Sudafed, and clear light bulbs. (two went out in my bathroom. It wasn't my bathroom behavior I promise!)


Smobergirl

Day 379

I want to apologize to AA.

In the In This Week article I said that most people (and I meant the ones who volunteer to share their stories) say that life doesn't get any better. I feel that this was a rude statement and inaccurate. What I truly mean is that some people I've seen talk are still very unhappy and wished things would be better. Some still want a drink but don't give in. Some still have hardships. Some, not most. I made a mistake, and AA works for a lot of people. I have friends who would not be sober without the program. Working out and changing my diet worked for me. There is not one sole program that works for 100% of us, just like you can't please 100% of the people out there. Thanks, I really wanted to express that.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 378

Stress is stupid.

Now I have a sore throat! This happened months ago when I worried about a boy or something. I am a firm believer that stress can indeed make you sick, no matter how clean you are eating. I feel like a moron because that article was a huge deal to me, then I felt I screwed up by saying too much? Come on, that's the reason I quit and changed my body and my mentality. Sometimes you need to hit bottom in order to want to change your life around. So what if I didn't sugar coat it? My apologies to In This Week, I am a baby. Ego shmeego. At least I feel cool about my decision now. I had a Throat Coat tea (not effective, but it tastes great) and the annoying part is that I'm only sore on the right side and it's one of those that you can feel in your ear almost. WELL, I just hope all of the antioxidants and water I digested today will help somehow. Oof.

Night,

Smobergirl

Dinner

I had the other half of the spaghetti squash with the cashew cheese and dried oregano and basil. I also had a plate of sliced orange bell pepper and Roma tomato. No popcorn...yet.

I made a food mistake and had a processed food. Hey it was sitting in my pantry. D'oh. I am really paying attention how food makes me feel. This clean eating (even if I added too much salt that Tosca would probably recommend on the first spaghetti squash seeds) I felt fine. After the squash and seeds I felt hungry still. So I had the only Qbell chocolate wafer roll in the pantry. Not even five minutes later I felt a pit in my stomach. Since then I haven't been hungry but I felt a little ill. So no popcorn just veggies and nut cheese.


Smobergirl

The clean continues.

Workout: Sweaty!

20 minutes incline run/walk
Tri-set: dumbbell rows, outward bicep curls (arms on a diagonal), overhead tricep press.
Tri-set #2: back hyperextentions, stiff-leg dead lifts, arm raises (for shoulders).

I plan to do some relaxing yoga stretches tonight.

I'm doing pretty well. I don't feel hungry (or ornery). For a mid-morning snack I had a scant handful of almonds, followed by more water. I think the water is helping me feel full. For lunch I made a salad with avocado, and a cabbage leaf with more of that cashew 'cheese' and quinoa. It wasn't a lot. I had a leftover trout but I only ate about two ounces. Then I went to the grocery store and got a spaghetti squash and more watermelon. I don't know if feta is clean but it's good-quality cheese from Caputo's and I can't waste it. How's that excuse? So now I'm having a spinach, arugula, mint, feta, and watermelon salad with balsamic vinegar. And a mineral water. Water, water, water. ;) The squash is cooking and I think I'll just put a little grapeseed or walnut oil on it with basil or make a pesto.

Now that more people are reading this blog it's hard to just let it all out like a journal like I used to. But fear should be thrown out the window. You already know I had obnoxious behavior when I drank too much wine and I've had two DUIs. Do you think differently of me now? Because I have been stressing about it yet it was my brilliant idea to have that information published. If I didn't do those things though, I wouldn't have that article and bring you here. My friend tells me to get out of my head. Actually make that friendsssss. I was so ecstatic about that article, then I just decided to stress out yesterday. What's up with that? I should be proud and happy. I am. That's one of my biggest faults, I don't nearly give myself enough credit. Because everyone thought I was perfect? :) Hee hee.

Well how about that spaghetti squash? It was tasty. I got it at Jade Market. Support your local businesses. ;) I drizzled it with grapeseed oil and sprinkled it with sea salt, cracked pepper, dried basil, and crushed red pepper. It was delightful. I roasted the seeds with it, adding sea salt, cumin, and curry to the seeds with a little oil. Very nice! Sexy time! Now I feel better. You know, something about the DUI, it's sad how many people are out there who drink under the influence who tell me, "I just never got caught". I was so naive when I first got mine and I thought I was this horrible person, then all of these people with them or knew someone who got one came out of the woodwork. It's freakin' common. I had no idea. Some of the sweetest people I know make mistakes. I still like them. So what's my deal?

Eating clean is pretty easy. I could have added meat according to Tosca's book. She eats a lot of chicken, fish, and egg whites. I used to grill naked chicken breasts in an old George Forman grill I had and added cajun dust and/or lime juice. That was it. I lost a little weight doing that and eating egg white omelets back in the day. She also advocates healthy fats, eating two servings per day. She's got this amazing-looking recipe for shrimp ceviche in avocado halves. I'll give it to you when I make it.

But I'll give you this one I might try tonight when I watch Extreme Home Makeover and Game Of Thrones.

1/4 cup popcorn kernels
1/2 tsp chili powder
Make a spray using extra virgin olive oil in a spritz bottle
2 tsp nutritional yeast (this stuff is the bomb. It's packed with vitamin B12 (great for vegans), and tastes buttery and nutty)
1/4 tsp sea salt

AWWWWWW 1/4 teaspoon sea salt?? And I can only eat it 2 days in the program? Hey at least I can have popcorn.

Smobergirl

Lemon Water

In the Eat Clean Stripped book Reno recommends drinking lemon water. I'm seeing it pop up in more sources. Here's Reno's benefits of hot lemon water:

*Helps shed toxins from the body
*Acts as a liver tonic
*Improves skin tone and quality
*Works as a natural diuretic
*Helps dissolve gallstones
*Breaks down phlegm
*Relieves nausea
*Relieves constipation
*Is a digestive aid
*Alkalizes the body
*Improves immunity

I drink mine hot and cold. Do you remember the 'spa water'? Slice lemons into a pitcher of water and chill for at least one hour. You can also add sliced cucumber, a vanilla bean, or a sprig of mint.

Smobergirl

Reputation, Tosca, Focus, and poop.

Never stop learning. ;) I know who I am and if someone comes to me concerned by what I put in the In This Week article then I'll stand up for myself. I wanted to express how down in the dumps I got and that wanted me to snap out of it, and I shared a lot of information that not a lot of people know about. Yeah I would probably re-word it now, but I'm still making an impact and the only one really concerned at this point is my mother, which I totally understand. And if the news gets to my dad, he knows I'm an adult. Plus he was so overwhelmed by the way I looked last week, I don't know if he'd really be upset. He went out of his way to call first thing the next morning to ask, "Hey, I'm calling just to say that you're looking...you look really really great! What have you been doing?" With the article, if it ever passes him, he may be concerned about future job opportunities and say something like, "I thought you quit smoking years ago" but that's all I can think of. And to tell the truth sometimes my passion gets ahead of me before I think about consequences. I'm only human. You know what's good about my decision to reveal all of that stuff? Now I really have to keep my word #1, and #2 I'm even more motivated to go to the next level and even look and feel better. And 3, I'm always paranoid, I analyze way too much, I still have some insecurities, and I'm a perfectionist; a few things I need to work on.


So this Tosca diet is not so much of an intense detox but a diet that eliminates processed foods. Oh and you know what, she only advised to cut out caffeine to reduce cellulite. My bad. Black coffee is actually suggested with breakfast, which Reno recommends a lot of egg white dishes, tuff (a small grain), oatmeal, or smoothies. This morning I made her smoothie simply called "Tosca's Protein Smoothie":

1 cup fresh or frozen mixed berries
1 cup rice milk (I used water)
2 tablespoons flax seeds
1 scoop protein powder

It is delicious!!!! Do I have enough exclamation points? I added maca powder and chia seeds. I also took 3 Hawaiian spirulina tablets and a shot of ginseng. The book is great for women. There's clean beauty tips in there and of course how to banish cellulite (surprise, quitting smoking and alcohol were two factors), workouts, and other tidbits. Okay here are her foods to avoid (really this time, I found the actual "Eating Clean-What To Avoid" section):

AVOID:
1.All refined, over-processed foods, especially sugar, white flour, and related products

2. Chemically charged foods

3. Foods with preservatives

4. Saturated and trans fats

5. Skipping meals

6. Excess sodium

7. Sugar substitutes

8. Counting calories

9. Alcohol and juice

10. Artificial foods

11. All calorie-dense foods with little or no nutritional value. Reno calls these "anti" foods.

12. Supersizing your meals (she includes a portion size list)

Awesome. I have most of that covered anyway. There's another reason I lost so much weight: Alcohol is basically sugar and empty calories according to Reno. However for you drinkers out there who I'm just killing right now, she does suggest in her regular routine that she will occasionally enjoy one glass of wine (5-8 ounces I'm assuming) drinking water with it or sometimes adding carbonated water in the wine to make a spritzer. I will not attempt this now, but I agree that diluting or drinking water with a glass of alcohol is a smart idea.

It's been a year or more since I talked about potty behavior. Im sure you miss it! Yes it's important. Don't give me that look. It's usually a no fail plan that I'll go #2 an hour after I make a smoothie or have oatmeal. Hot water with lemon helps too if you need help in this area. The past two days I have been eating a ton of leafy greens and fruit, avoiding bread altogether. That is pushing things along so to speak. This is a good thing. And look for the 'golden banana' like one of my holistic therapists said in her thick German accent. LOL. Sigh. I crack me up.

Caffeine? Here's what I am doing for myself. I'm starting to add more Teechino to my iced coffee and I dilute it with water or coconut water. That idea weirds a few of my friends out, but I like it. I'm going to try Jamieson's plan again and eventually switch to all Teechino. I also need to break out my plethora of teas.

I'm also going to attempt to not eat out until the trip. This plan requires that you make all of your meals. For lunch I'll make some kind of grain, eat a protein, and make an arugula spinach salad. And I have to keep drinking water. Why don't you get a glass right now? ;)

Smobergirl

Day 377

Stuff.

If anyone from In This Week reads this, know that I love you and I'm just a dork. My parents don't know that my vices were that bad. Well I tried to tell them that they were however one denies it and the other just told me to get an 8-5 job. They know about the DUI. I wish now that I told the mag this and maybe to leave that part and the dumb mean emailing out, just to say that I was drinking alone and I didn't feel good doing it, and felt physically ill in the mornings. It's the reputation thing. Sigh. The thing is that no one has said, "Hey that was a stupid idea!!". Every response has been more than positive! If In thought my content was inappropriate I'm sure that they'd leave those parts out. I was just nervous. So I've been shaky today. I'm a pampered, good girl who made a few mistakes and I turned my life around because I felt the need to. And it worked. It's only going to get better too. I just get in my head a lot, and mental health is extremely important to me too. I think I'm only suffering in my head and worrying about the parents too much and making my own decisions without being paranoid is definitely a goal.

On a lighter note, I have a new goal for my trip, since I think I have to indulge in crepes, pizza, gelato, etc. in Europe right? And maybe I can find a way to make it healthy too. Maybe. :) But I picked up Tosca Reno's Eat-Clean Stripped book and it's a 28 day detox. I go on my trip in 28 days, well how convenient. I will increase my intake of eggs, apples, beans, fish, asparagus, and nuts. I have to eliminate alcohol and cigarettes (no problem) sugar, and CAFFEINE. Think I can do it?

Love,

Smobergirl

Anxieties begone!

Okay so I had this huge paranoia this morning, and I'm okay now. In the article, which I am still thrilled it happened, I mentioned I became a 'closet wino' after my second DUI (the DUI happened in 2005). I was actually hesitant to include that and the mean text/email/FB thing. After the sentence, I was on 'not a drop' for two years, which I was on my best behavior for the record. I became unhappy with work and excruciatingly lonely in 2008 and that's when the vengeful texting and emails started. So that was my big paranoia that the cops would knock on my door because I said that in the article. I never broke any rules. I wanted to include my bad behaviors to show people that I turned my life around, and so can anybody. I want to be a role model and In This Week gave me the opportunity to share my story. Hey I feel better already.

Speaking of my closet wino days, I also would have the opposite behavior and flirt. Done this one? That got me into trouble too and I think I may have lost a friend over it. I managed to embarrass myself more than once. But the past needs to be in the past and I can't let those actions haunt me anymore. Dangit now I'm gonna cry. The truth will set you free but how far should you go? The article is out now and I am more proud than ashamed. If it didn't say those things then maybe I wouldn't be as much as an influence. Sadly I know at least three other women, and one man, who occasionally drink 1-2 bottles of wine alone at home due to loneliness and sadness. And sadly some people don't believe it is a problem. Some people told me that I didn't have a problem. Is there some kind of activity we can create to avoid this behavior? Because, I think it's not a keen idea. Maybe it's called AA. But if one does not want to be in that club I don't see why other groups can't be created to go to coffee, movies, bowling, The Pie, etc.

Workout:
30 minutes incline fast walk/run on the treadmill.
Chest, biceps with Gilad (ha ha), rotator cuffs, kettle bell arm swings
Abs, abs, abs. (100's, scissors, bicycles, plank, lying down straight-leg sit ups with a medicine ball....with Gilad my TV boyfriend)
Cow face pose, wide angle seated forward bend, baddha konasana, happy dead baby bug (happy baby or dead bug pose), arm stretches.

That made most of the anxiety melt. Then I made rice medley with grapeseed oil, basil, lemon (which also went on my face and shoulders to fade sun spots), cracked sea salt and pepper, and red pepper flake. I made the watermelon salad, but I was out of watermelon so I substituted mango. I sprinkled my chia, flax, and hemp seeds on the salad.

I keep learning about myself, and I still make mountains out of molehills sometimes. Sure this article was a big risk, but like I said I'm glad I did it because if smokers, the overweight, the lazy, and alkies read it and they are influenced, then I did my job. Thank you again In This Week.


Smobergirl

Day 376

Hi.

I forgot the name of this local artist but she was at the Urban Arts Festival that I announced bands at last Saturday. She started making baby clothes then adults, including myself, wanted her cute hats in adult sizes. Now she's making these owl pillows. It's snuggly. I could use snuggly tonight...

Breakfast: Pineapple Heart-In-A-Blender Shake
1/4 pineapple cubed
1/4 papaya, seeds and all. I felt a little coo coo-bananas (note: there are no bananas in this shake)
1/2 mango
3 kale leaves
maca, chia, hemp, flax
1/4 cup almond milk I made
1/4 cup water

Lunch: Arugula-mint-spinach-watermelon-feta-balsamic vinegar salad
Dinner: Greek God Honey yogurt with granola, buckwheat, coconut shavings, and cubed mango.

I know I know. Sweet, sweet, and more sweet. And not a lot of food. I'll do better manana. Don't start an eating disorder or I'll whoop yer arse, meaning my arse!

Stuff came up, and I now feel different because I've been in a dream state since I got that call from In This Week. I got home from teaching my last yoga class where I'm getting my certificate, and I've been slightly melancholic. I'm in the cry-for-no-reason state, like I have been doing sporadically the past few years, but I feel like I'm not allowed to cry this time. Heh. It's actually tears of joy now, but I was a bit sad before. I am so blessed and lucky. I'm damn lucky. My family is so loving and supportive. My friends love me more than I give myself credit for. My three students today loved the class I taught. Keep in mind I was teaching these on work days, and most of my friends are not really yoga types. But those who came in the last month, eight total, meant the world to me. Plus I felt really comfortable, it was a good start. One of my buds today just went on and on about how he loved my voice and gentleness. I was completely honored by his words. And now I get to be a bum in the yoga world for a while. I hope I get this opportunity to teach yoga for recovery. I should feel like I'm on cloud nine. I think I do. Heck I better! There will be yoga on the cruise (did I mention my birthday trip?) and my dad and I were chatting about how I should teach on a ship for six months. Maybe I'll run to the book store and get Lonely Planet's Europe like my brother suggested to me last night. It was my step-mom's birthday party, that's how my father got to see me and called today to say wow, I look so fantastic, what have I been doing? I quit drinking and smoking Dad. I'll be sure to tell you next time.

Smobergirl

Hey...look...

This is from the 5/25 issue of In This Week. http://www.inthisweek.com

How ya like me now? ;) Quitting has it's payoffs. Someone in AA once announced that those who recover have better lives ten-fold then those who never had an addiction. Now I'm not encouraging you to get a bad habit, but I believe in this kind of karma. It's a correcting and a forgiveness to yourself and therefore everyone else around you. This article throws me out there, but it's the most amazing thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I already received several comments saying that I have inspired themselves or showing their pride in me. I got my hair trimmed on Wednesday and my friend at the front desk said that because of me, he quit drinking for two weeks. He didn't read the article. That still almost makes me cry. My father just called, he does not even know about the article which I get into some pretty candid details, saying that I am looking pretty amazing and what am I doing? I think subconsciously I'm a bit afraid to get emotional with my father (he's not too much of a man who expresses emotions but he's opening up more as he gets older) and all I talked about was kale shakes and not eating out as much. Oops I didn't talk about the smoking and drinking. Thing is, he thinks I quit smoking about 11 years ago and I'm kinda skeered. But, he sounded damn proud anyway over the phone, and being a former entrepreneur, suggested I publish a smoothie book. Already thinking about it, Dad! :)

Thank you In This Week for finding this blog! You have further changed my life on this crazy and fantastic journey.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 375

Granola, weights, pineapple, and fake tans.

Holy cow, yesterday was unexpectedly eventful, but time-wise everything fell into place.

Before I get to yesterday's chaotic order, This morning went off to a great start. Without sounding cheesy (by the way I also have a weird nut 'cheese' experiment I'll tell you about later) did I tell you what a colossal difference it is between being a wino and being sober? Life is sure getting a heckuvalot better. I got on the treadmill in my Vivo barefoot shoes and did tri-sets of chest and back today. Watch out tube dresses. A tri-set is doing 3 different exercises, 3 times each for 12-15 reps without resting during sets of the three. I really like lifting. I have some exciting news, I'm going to be in the health section of In This Week talking about my story this Thursday all because they found this blog! See, blogs can make you famous. ;) The photo shoot was yesterday, and I felt so awesome. The (very cute) photographer told me to balance a pineapple on my flexed bicep. I did this again in the mirror at home and my shoulders and bis are pretty cut already. Chataurungas in yoga are fabulous shoulder and tricep toners, and if I do enough power yoga I tone up a lot under my armpits and upper back. Along with a fast walk/run for 20 minutes, I also got on the elliptical machine for 10. Followed by stretches and yoga, of course. I made almond milk straining ground soaked almonds and water through a cheesecloth then I blended the liquid with honey. For breakfast I had yogurt (Confession: It's Greek God's full-fat yogurt. There's no sugar, but it ain't non-fat. The honey flavor which has actual honey is the bees knees....buahahahahahahah get it?) with Nutty Guys granola, chocolate hemp protein, buckwheat, chia seeds, maca powder, ground flax seeds, and pineapple chunks. Is that bad?

Two hours later I tried this 'cheese' I made from a raw food email. All it is is ground soaked cashews, lemon juice, and water. You drain it for 24 hours then refrigerate. It's mellow tasting but I like the consistency. I spread some of it on a cabbage leaf and added avocado. I think salsa would be excellent with it. One thing I about raw foodists, they eat a lot of cashews.

So are you ready for my crazy story about how yesterday just flowed, even though I almost resisted to some of the flow but I'm glad I didn't? It was weird, Man. First, I thought I could sleep in for my photo shoot at 1:00 with the magazine, but my mom who was in town wanted to go to breakfast before she drove back home (she was here for the weekend). So we did that, and I didn't tell you that I got a sweet farmer's tan on Saturday which I very well knew could have been prevented. I emceed an urban arts and music festival for six hours outdoors. It was a gorgeous day, and I could have hung out in the shade most of the time but it was so nice outside. My bad. Yes I applied sunscreen, twice. I guess SPF 20 won't cut it anymore or my stuff wasn't effective. OR I didn't slather on enough. So, back to yesterday morning. My friend recommended St. Tropez tanning mousse and I thought it would look nice in the photo shoot so I went to BFE Sandy to get it at Sephora then my dad called. My step-mom's birthday is Wednesday and he is taking care of his sick dog, so he asked me to find a specific item for her that day. I couldn't say no. So I'm making phone calls on the way to my place and while I'm putting on the tanner and curling my hair, calling my father in-between when I couldn't find the exact item. Then I go to the shoot and make a smoothie in the magazine office's test kitchen. That was a blast. The photos should look really spectacular. Let's just say there's going to be some cool Photoshop involvement. We finish ten minutes before my radio show, which happens to be across the street. I do my show, while still trying to find that birthday present, I finally get it done finding a similar item with my father's approval, and an hour before my show ends a musician friend shows up. Surprise. There's a music contest that night and he asks if I can judge it from 8-11 pm. I say yes. At 6 when I'm ready to finally go home and relax for two hours, a co-worker calls. He says he wants to discuss a music series we are broadcasting live at and can I meet him for dinner at The Pie Hole? I drive straight there and we both have their custom salads, which are huge. I ordered a veggie slice but felt guilty, even though they have the best, crunchiest, thin crust. So I eat 1/2 of the crust and pick off the rest of the goodies on top. We finish at 7:30, I have time to get an iced coffee and hit the ATM for the music thing's cover charge, and go to the event. It was really fun. I go home to a meowing Bandit, feed him, and crash.

Smobergirl

Great weekend...

....I just had another crave. Buffalo peanuts and mineral water to the rescue! The nuts are kind of a vegetarians' dream, well at least I love buffalo sauce and didn't want to eat fried chicken wings in order to get that flavor. This is also a local company, so I am more than happy to promote these "guys".

Night!

Smobergirl

I am totally distracted right now.

At least my life is never boring.

I sporadically go to AA meetings and I decided to get a 1-year chip today. The people there were welcoming and are going through a lot. Then I got a treat at Whole foods, I love frozen chocolate bananas. Then earlier I.....woah....picture-texting a man 11 years younger than me, pardon....um, yeah so earlier I went on a lunch date with a guy I met at that BBQ last Friday. I had a crave so I Facebooked "Where's the party at?" my bud invited me over and I met a ginger who asked me out the next day. He seems really sweet but he has a fondness for 'chicken' photos. Now I won't be able to sleep. Focus...


At least I am still attractive right? Pish lessons on how not to be so hard on yourself. 40 is ain't gonna be sa' bad, ya know? That banana is totally phallic. It even glows.

Love,

Smobergirl

Someone open a window!

The caffeine dilemma

I have a love/irritable relationship with iced coffee. Sometimes it perks me up, other times it makes me grumpy and irritable. In the past I felt pretty satisfied having a 12-oz glass in the afternoon, but usually I 'have to have one' first thing in the morning. I've been drinking iced coffee seriously for 19 years. I consider it a sport. The irony is, for about six years I've had a stocked pantry of teas, in hopes to make a permanent or 'upgrading' switch-over. I kinda had the goal to quit coffee after a month smober, and here I am. It's time to get out of my comfort zone and experiment.

One of the holistic therapists I worked with (Morgan Spurlock's wife, Alex Jamison) told me to gradually add Teechino, a caffeine-free herbal coffee substitution made with barley, gradually to coffee more every week. I think it's delicious and I didn't miss the caffeine before when I tried it years ago. I just caved back in a few months after, I think mainly because it's so readily available to buy. Coffee shops are everywhere! So I'm trying this again, then when I'm done I plan to buy iced tea at coffee shops if I want that social experience. This is what you do: Brew 3/4 coffee to 1/4 Teechino for a week. The next week do 1/2 and 1/2. Then the next week 3/4 Teechino to 1/4 coffee, eventually going to 100% Teechino.


I just saw a recipe for cherry mojitos on one of Giada's show. Here's my virgin version:

1 cup ice
1 cup frozen pitted cherries
1 tsp agave or honey (or to tate)
Juice of 3 limes
Small handful of mint
1 cup chilled water

Blend everything and garnish with one fresh cherry. I think mineral water would be nice with this too instead of plain water.

Smobergirl

The striped sweater...

...will be available at Name Droppers in about a week. Not a good choice for me. lol

I'm serious, watch for it there.

What what.....what?

I killed the cat. Bandito can't believe I stopped drinkin' and a smokin' a year ago!

I can't either. One year! It's been a ride, let me tell you and I have improved so greatly in so many ways. Where's my Day 1 photo?


In a nutshell:

I was about to eat my own head day 1 to month 3. It was excruciatingly slow for me. Then after month 6 the weeks just flew by. It seemed pretty drastic. Antabuse saved my butt in the long run. My liver is healthy. I'm 23 pounds lighter. My skin looks great. What bullfrog chin and Homer Simpson-face belly? Oatmeal and shakes help me lose weight. I don't feel so bad having cheat meals. My worst eating weeks don't compare to my best drinking weeks as far as weight gain. When I don't have a smoking hangover II actually want to run, skate, do yoga, dance, bike, etc. A hangover lasted emotionally for about three days. I also like the 'swinging doors' routine. Pretend in my mind what this day would actually be like and what activities I would (or would not) be doing if I drank and smoked the night before. Who would I be meeting or not be meeting? What would I or not accomplish? What would I be eating? What would I be doing? Would I have to apologize for any behavior? I played that game a lot. Especially the nights I wanted to give in to booze and cigs. It's a great game.

I love my life. I feel sexy. I feel healthy. I feel in control. I lived for a year clean.

I also have you to thank for reading my blog, for I am motivated more by knowing people are reading it.

Smobergirl

ONE YEAR

Back on track.

Okay, sausage night killed the craves and was fun, however I did a cleanse this morning to feel better and made a pineapple cilantro shake:

1/4 pineapple
1/2 cup guava juice
1 small bunch cilantro
1 cucumber
1 tsp honey
1 tsp hemp seeds
1 tsp flax seeds


It's very delicious. Then after I found this recipe for a flax shake in Oxygen magazine. For lunch I cooked a brown rice medley and added redpepper flake, pepper, sea salt, cumin, curry, and tumeric. I poured that over a bowl of chopped avocado.

When I woke up I had an iced coffee. I was okay, but felt way better after I had the shake. I'm still serious about cutting coffee out or down, and definitely not first thing in the morning. Plus I have a pantry full of teas.

Yes I'm wearing my cowboy boots. Those definitely perk me up in the morning.

364 Days
Smobergirl

Dr. Atkins would be proud

Ha that's what I meant to name the last post. Just be aware of what you are eating. Sausage is full of sodium usually, so stay hydrated. Speaking of salt I'm sweating from the baked fries. Woo. It hurts so good. I put everything on a bed of basil so I feel good getting my greens in. They taste good with the sausage and mustard.

I will tell you this, meat or no meat, you will lose weight by not eating bread. I'm no saint, I love me some local artisan crunchy loaves, ut I went gluten-free once and the pounds just melted off.

Being a slave to Food network and now Cooking Channel, it's hard just to grill asparagus and corn sometimes. :)

Smobergirl

Because I have all this mustard...

...I got sausages (GASP). I know. BBQ season can kill a vegetarian. lol I have a crave anyway, so I went to the local market and at least I know who made it. I am assuming there's no nitrates or chemicals. I'll ask next time I'm in. I also am baking some sweet potato hot fries (with cayenne salt). Spicy foods also seem to keep the craves at bay. I also plan to make some cayenne salted popcorn when Game Of Thrones comes on. A friend got me hooked on that new HBO series. It's Lord Of The Rings meets The Sopranos, basically.

Okay back to grilling. It's a beautiful day for it. Hey I practically lived off of fruit today. :) I am grateful for my life and I am blessed that I can eat well. I also have the Church of Caputo's to thank.

Love,

Smobergirl

Good eats.

My mood is up and pleasant today. I think it's because it's behaving like Spring today in the SLC (finally!!). I also am eating fresh vegetarian foods that are lifting my mood. I had a beautiful brunch at Oasis Cafe then I made a shake and salad at home for...linner? Oasis always makes a fritatta special, and I had a Greek olive, feta, artichoke heart, mushroom, and roasted tomato open-faced omelette and a cup of berries. Then I made a killer tropical shake four hours later:

1 scoop vanilla whey protein
1/4 pineapple
1/4 cup blood orange juice
1/4 cup guava juice
1/4 cup water
1 tsp flax seeds
1 tsp coconut oil
1 tsp cashew butter

FABULOUS.

I was craving watermelon and balsamic vinegar (it's a fantastic combo, especially with feta) so I also made a salad with the two (I already had feta so I decided not to get more today) and butter leaf lettuce with a little fennel leaves. Yummy! I feel good and energized.

Since I'll be a year smober on Tuesday, it may be time to attempt to quit coffee again, or at least drastically cut it down. I'll let ya know.

Smobergirl
Day 363

Craving solved.

Instead of gelato I mixed honey and no-fat yogurt together and had two small dark chocolate orange peels. Yum!

Craving sweet.

It's a weird food day. I started off alright with chopped pineapple, granola, and non-fat yogurt. Then lunch was a cheese buiscuit and leftover artichoke. All I want is gelato now. Maybe I'll make a huge salad for dinner or lunch tomorrow.

Smobergirl

One year coming right up.

Would you like fries with that smobriety? I would like a pair of Corral boots please. I am in love. I have been eyeing trendy cowboy boots at Whimsy boutique for about a year, and I finally got a pair. They'll go with just about everything. With tax they're $305. Less than a dollar a day sober for a year. ;) I'm very happy and very satisfied. Even thought I blew a lot on bath salts, lip gloss, and food, I still didn't catch up to $120 per week on bottles of wine and Nat Sherman cigarettes. Okay maybe I did. lol I still feel dizzy not believing it's been a year. My cure? Antabuse 99% of the time and The rest thanking my lucky stars every MORNING. The reward is in the morn. Thank you drugs, thank you patience, thank you citrus and cooking and calming foods. Thank you 25 pounds gone and thank you skin for bouncing back in time from lack of toxins. I have been indeed fully rewarded.


YEE HAW!!!

Smobergirl

Day 362

Happiness.

I will try to stick to the food/mood connection and my smobriety adventures on this blog. Maybe I just don't understand racism and maybe for a pampered white girl like me it's easy to preach.

The cantaloupe (I cantaloupe) is cheap right now and great with lime juice or in a smoothie with blackberries! Both perked me up. Fruit (and back to Antabuse) is my savior. When I cut into a pineapple or lime it's instant Prozac. And I keep reading that citrus is a natural anti-depressant. I have to have fruit at least once a day.

I forgot how to take care of myself. I was beating myself up and stressing about teaching yoga! What a paradox. I also had to get back on Antabuse for my brain was doing junkie thinking. Perhaps it will go away but I have been so lonely. I'm going through this 'dating buffet' (ask my famous psychic friend) meeting guys who aren't emotionally ready for me to date, like the guy getting a divorce, guys half my age, a man who constantly talks about his exes, you get the idea. However at least I'm dating, and not taking the faults seriously. Hey I'm not perfect either trying to get over the wino thing. But hell I'm doing it! ONE YEAR on the 17th. Woah. It's been a ride but is it a year already? Crazy! Maybe I can do this. My advice to you is change your lifestyle. I have to run, dance, lift weights, do yoga, watch Gilad, and eat well to want to stay off the wine and cigs. I absolutely have to, that's my motivation right there. You know what I heard in the yoga studio last Friday? This from a cute girl talking to another: "He went back to drinking and gained 30 pounds, and he looks so much older." Sounds like someone I know, but who did the exact opposite. :) I continue to get "wow" compliments and why am I sad about feeling lonely? One friend yesterday even said it was fun to witness my physical transformation. People notice. I sent my mother a photo of me in front of one of my paintings, and she said it didn't even look like me. I did darken my hair too which was a bit of a drastic change. I notice my shoulders are more cut too from lifting. I also started one of five pilates reformer classes and it's hard! But I had fun. It was a Groupon deal. Those are cool because you pay in advance and feel like you have to go to the classes. I still have five more Zumba classes from Living Social Deals. It's a great way to get in shape. That's another thing, when I'm don't have a cigarette and wine hangover in the morning, the first thing I want to do (iced coffee lol) is work out. When I'm hungover, forget about it.

Life just keeps getting better and better. Holy crap one year already. Like I said the first three months were grueling and painfully slow. Then after month six time just flew by. I think smoking is absolutely disgusting, but I still think I have to have them when I want wine. I conditioned my self on that one. When I have just one glass I get tired. I think that says something too. Speaking of tired I got some melatonin to help me sleep. That's a problem I've had all year, no wine to knock me out. The hot baths are helpful and I dated someone in 2004 who swore my melatonin. I miss him. But I love my life and things are going very well. I just need an attitude adjustment with not freaking out about this yoga teaching thing. I have to go back to doing what I love to do. So for my next class this Friday I'm doing a restore class. It's relaxing poses I like, and I think I'll have a hip opener/twists theme. Teachers tell me that we hold a lot of emotions in our hips, and wringing out our spines can let out a bunch of 'stuff'. There have been several classes where I cry like crazy afterwards, or in savasana when the tears just come up. Crazy. That's my testimony. And you know what? I am an artist. After teaching and crying all I wanted to do was paint. You know classical guitar does the same thing. I'm almost done with my three "My Generation" paintings for a cool event tomorrow. I finished my emo owl which is stinking cute; an owl on a house in a flood with butterflies coming out of the chimney, also adorable; and a facebook/Apple App/Twitter tree which I'm pretty danged proud of. That's what gets my juices flowing, making art. That's when I love being alone. It's just me and the materials. Is it sad to say that with yoga I'd rather be taking the classes? I'll let you know how the restore class goes. But maybe that's me. I rather create something then show it, like a radio commercial, than be live on the air. Hmmm. However I do like to play music I like and that gets me 1000 times more relaxed than going by a playlist, because I'm actually choosing the music and enjoying myself.

I can't change the world but I can start with myself, and in a year I've done pretty gosh darn good.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 357

Race.

Now that I'm on this tangent, and it has nothing to do with being smober or eating well, I am tired of racism! In college I came across a PBS show called Puzzle Place, a children's show about puppets of different races getting along fine until their parents speak otherwise. That same year I saw a Bill Nye show when, a surprisingly Bill was outraged about racism, and explained that blacks were born in hot countries so their skin was full of melanin to handle the intense heat. My mother was raised racist because of her parents, and laughed when I tried to argue what's the big deal? I mean really. Really? Racism is ancient! This is a stupid issue and I seriously do not understand. Sometimes I wonder about myself because I have moles on my face. In Jr. high one girl I knew wouldn't date a boy because he had a mole on his face. Jason Schwartzman happens to be one of my favorite actors. I think he's hot. On top of that, Naveen Andrews who plays Sayid Jarrah (is that typical?) is probably the first person I'd like to marry. Hottie Hotterton. With a racist mother, and without rebelling, I chose these men to consider beautiful on my own. They are unique, smart, and beautiful to me.

Love,

Smobergirl

It's just words.

Happy Mother's Day in a couple of hours! I remember having hard times with my father, well most of my life, basically with expectations, financial threats, and judging who I dated. When I hit 30 (I'll be 40 this June) I called my mother (They've been divorced since I was 15) because my dad was bashing my grandfather, who passed three years ago. "It's only words" she said. Which simply, struck me. It's only words. Which ended up being true. I could tell a band they sucked (which I never had) that could affect them or not. Then that made me think (which I am good at, and maybe that's a good or bad thing) about cuss words for some reason. This may be silly, but I wonder what if, in the future some icon or trend makes it so that swearing is acceptable? Or nudity? Or not eating meat? Ten, twenty. one hundred years down the road we can say, "Remember when it was bad to say fuck or be topless or weed or think blacks were the minority?" I personally, would like to see that day. Then what could be illegal? I think personally if we were allowed to do all of these then the need to hide or rebel could and might diminish. I'm just thinking about it.

Love,

Smobergirl

P.S. Why hasn't someone has done this already?

:)

What could be a better subject line. I actually just finished bawling my eyes out. Stuff, lots and lots of stuff!

I taught my first yoga class today and it was really nice. I need to throw perfectionism out the door. I have been really hard on myself all of my life, and today was a great lesson. I was lucky to have a friend there who has been teaching for about three months to give me precious advice after the class. I was having issues with assisting, and I yanked her foot at one point when I should have gently nudged it, even though a male friend wanted me to yank him all over the place! It's the best to be gentle first and move from there. It was a fun first class because I had four friends and someone a friend brought, so I felt even more comfortable knowing almost everybody. I was still nervous, but knowing people really relaxed me. And my teacher friend said something extremely valuable, "It's about them, not you." So now I can prepare my next class to ask what they would like to do, along incorporate what beginner classes I enjoy and what poses I find beneficial, and go from there. Yoga is actually very fun, and like Baptiste said in my yoga bootcamp, "...like medicine".

But I came home sad and just cried and cried. I took a lot in that class and then I just let it all out. I'm not going to try an analyze it. I could have wanted to be more perfect, I may feel lonely, not good enough, wanting to be accomplished in something NOW, could be anything. But it is definitely crying time right now.

The most valuable lesson is being good to myself. I was kind of a nervous wreck all week, so that showed up a bit in my class. Okay so I am ANAL-izing. :) Speaking of valuable, after class I was like, "WHEW! What if I was still drinking and smoking??" Those are the last things I want right now, because I want to set a good example. I want to be the real deal. Maybe then I also want approval, hence the crying. I can't stop! But I am proud and I really want a better life.

I should stick to my experiment: Only do what I love to do (or follow my heart and gut). I have been painting for an event on Monday, and that gets my juices flowing. I don't judge my paintings. I also don't seem to worry what everyone else will think of them. Maybe I'm afraid to be a leader (eg: teaching yoga), and painting is like a meditation. That's the beginning of an "emo" owl, and I have a "Twitter Tree" and a cute owl on a house in a flood (It will look cute and not devastating I promise.) It's part of a theme I have to do, called My Generation.

I'm just glad that first class is over. I was expecting for "stuff" to come out and relax for the rest of the day. It wouldn't be better than painting right now.

And look at me! Why am I so hard on myself? Look at my butt! Someone's hot from being sober, doing yoga and weights and cardio, and eating clean. Sssssssssss!!!

:)

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 354