Reggie Watts

Synchronicity! Well, maybe I should make a smoothie blog and reserve this one for my spiritual path. Oh yes, finding Reg is spiritual. Truth: When you (or at least I) think of someone whom I haven't seen for a while that person or even thing eventually shows up, and sooner than later. I was watching SNL last week and thought, "Who is that guy whom my friend introduced me to earlier this year? He is so funny!" Then literally one or so minutes ago on HBO there's a commercial for this guy, and as you see his face is unmistakeable and unique. Crazy!!! Check out his videos, especially the one on Conan. He's a comedic musician.

Other 'coincidences' that have happened to me, especially since, admittedly, I saw the movie "The Secret":

I didn't have a hair elastic one day two years ago, which wanted me to get out of a yoga class. I went anyway, and had a feeling to park in the east parking lot, which I found...a hair elastic on the ground behind my car.

I thought of my high school boyfriend a few years ago and the next day he added me on FB.

Also a few years back (these all seemed to happen during the year I saw The Secret) I thought, "My talent agency hasn't called me in months." The next day...

On top of that, ever since I saw that movie, I've been scoring sweet parking spaces.

However, I never said, well actually I did, but maybe it didn't work in seven years since I wished it intentionally, "I want to stop smoking and drinking." I had to do it painstakingly on my own through yoga, diet, shopping, and other distractions. Well, maybe it did work. :-)

Love,

Smobergirl

19 months!

Smoothies gone wild

I think I'm ready to start a smoothie blog. Should I abandon this one or rename it is the question?

This shake is packed with enzymes and you can also add strawberries according to the creator Sarma Melngails. This is from her book Living Raw Food:

1 small papaya pitted

1/2 pineapple

1 mango

1 orange, peel cut away

1 lime, peel cut away

1 cup coconut water or filtered water

1/2 cup dried goji berries

I didn't have a papaya but I added 1 tbs of coconut oil, something Daphne Oz (Dr. Oz's daughter) eats three times a day. Coconut oil is a healthy fat, you can sautee vegetables in it, and it makes a great hair shine and body moisturizer.

Love,

Smobergirl

Merry Christmas!

Love and food.

I am now over a year and 1/2 smober, and I couldn't be happier. However, I had a romantic at-home fondue date with my man, and it's true, you tend to eat more and not so much like a hippie when you have someone. Cheese, wine, bread, oh my! The wine of course was cooked and we didn't want to go out and get two bottles for ourselves. This is, fabulously, a respectful relationship. I love it.

Mucho mejor

A week later I'm still seeing my friend on a romantic basis. I feel tons better since my last post. I did yoga, breathing exercises, and meditated every day. BUT, I have a Sunday dinner post-Thanksgiving hangover from my dad's and step-mother's. I need to be more mindful of my diet. Earlier yesterday I made one of my favorite salads from Sarma Melngailis' book, the "Fix Me" salad. It's kale, pumpkin seeds, and pumpkin oil which I added cracked sea salt. I really want to keep my diet clean.

The man is great, and I'm learning more about myself, mainly how I need to chill out. ;-)

Long time no blog

Well let me catch ya up. I haven't relapsed since, and a miracle of sorts happened. My friend of two years who I really liked called. We then actually made out straight all weekend. Then, sigh, I got a depo shot and that day I snapped at him for a petty situation. I got off Depo Provera for multiple reasons remember? I thought I'd up the maca intake and things would be better. I haven't snapped or felt hormonal since. Perhaps it was an initial shock. This blog is about mood so I thought I'd pass that along to you. Well, he's been more distant, occasionally texting, and we are supposed to hang out tonight. Maybe he was busy with his family for the holidays and it means nothing. Yoga has definitely calmed my mind and accepted most any outcomes. Oh the miracle part? He told me everything I wanted to hear and then some that made me feel much better about my life. Also I learned that I beat myself up way way waaaaay too much. He is a great guy. However it also made me think that I don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy right now. I'll keep you posted. I love myself. I love my own schedule. I love working out every day and eating right and having time for my goals. So I had a lot of time to think. Life is good if not better. Also I can't believe that ten smober days have already flown by.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 557/10

Relapse

This time I am not joking. It happened last night. I made it for a year and a half. The world is also not going to end like I thought it would two hours ago. I just talked to a very good friend who made it all better, and actually made my life better. He's someone whom I've had a very interesting friendship with for about two years. And when I say interesting I mean a little awkward. See, we really really like each other, we just didn't show it, until tonight. However we are not going to necessarily try to make anything happen. He's a friend of Bill's and he's struggling too. I was also scared of being in a relationship with him but I really, really like the guy. He's hot, he can cook, he's witty, he cracks me up...and we've been going to dinner and movies for over a year and nothing happened! So weird. He even made me dinner once and rented a movie at his place and no makeout session! What? But tonight we got it all out. It was amazing. My life has actually improved by relapsing. I don't want to do it again! But some sort of miracle happened. You had to be there. And he told me it wasn't the end of the world. He walked me through how shitty I'd feel today and tomorrow, then I'd be back to normal in no time. Also he said that no one is going to care as much as I do so don't worry so much. The talk about us too was like foreplay. Heck the last year has been foreplay. Awkward, disappointing foreplay but now we're on the same page, even though we may never make out. We'll just see what happens. At least the awkwardness is gone! Well, most of it at least. :-) Life also isn't fair. I just started this 365 days why being single is better blog and I get three date proposals in one week. My friend (well kinda a date), another friend who may like me more whom I just like as a friend, and match.com guy whom I'm trying to feel out. And now I just want to be with my friend who I talked to tonight (first man mentioned). I am a living Murphy's Law.

So here we are. Do I start at day 1 again? Should I count? I'll tell you this, being smober for 18 months changed my life. I was filming today and had to run to my car. After sprinting across a courtyard, down and up two flights of stairs and back, my heart did not race. I wasn't panting. I didn't turn red. Something is said for not putting toxins in your body. Even after last night I felt super-human. It's changed my life. I have lost 30 pounds now. The year and 1/2 has been filled with good karma and just kept getting better.

I have now discovered the art of phone calls. They can save me, and my boy friend (notice I didn't say boyfriend) wants me to call him always. Do you know how long it has been since I've bonded with someone like that? Now I'm crying. This is a special person, and we have so much in common. Yeah the depressants are making me all emotional, but we need love in our lives, any kind.

Love,

Smobergirl

You are your emotion master.

I caught myself not one, but two times today starting to wad up my panties. Then I got the stuff out and meditated. It's just stuff. My stuff. I am a firm believer in coincidence and things happening for a reason, and I needed to learn this lesson today. I'm glad those scenarios happened. 1, ran into neighbors with baby when I was walking Bandit (bad timing, cat and baby no mix) and 2 ran into an old fling on match.com (dated him during my heavy wino days. No es bueno) But I breathed and cried and now I'm done! I cleansed myself. LOL. What am I doing on Match? Oh yeah, my new BFF was having a good time on it so I gave it another shot. I'm not sure, I may cancel again. I think I may. Dunno.

I think I'm eating too much sugar again. Yeah yeah. Blame that on the holidays. So to balance my emotions out I ate pretty great today. Iced jasmine tea and eggs florentine w/o the hollandaise. Lunch was warm quinoa with chili olive oil, cracked weird black Hawaiian salt and pepper; and a beautiful (really was) butter leaf salad with avocado and pomegranate seeds. I made it. Hold your applause.

It's Sunday, I should be relaxing. I'm going to take a hot bath now with a bath bomb I spent with wine and cig money. It's a better trade off fer sure dude. However I am going to start appreciating what I do have again, and let you know of those pay offs as well.

Love,

Smobergirl

Laughter and being a bit dirty.

Sometimes I don't want to be a polite person. I also always thought I was funny, even though not every one in my life has agreed with me. I started a blog about funny things to be proud of (or not) being single and some things are a bit rude. But that's the director in me. Everyone wants to be one! So, I'm not jaded or bitter (maybe still lonely) so I thought it would help my friends, single and coupled, get a laugh. I feel like I have a split personality but I think it's a good outlet for me to vent. http://www.singlemobettah.blogspot.com

I'm still smober and eat healthy, I just eat the cashew butter out of the jar sometimes. With chocolate chips poured in the jar. And  I don't feel bad one bit.

Smobergirl

Day 544 and 18 months coming!

Something's fishy, smelly, and delicious. It's me!

I need to do the detective work. I made Giada's fish sticks (it's been a while) and not as delicious as before. Actually they reminded me of an old grandma's old-fashioned salmon or a diner restaurant attached to a gas station ho hum salmon. It's hard to describe but I hope you get my gist. The crust and dips were phenominal, I just didn't like the fish. It didn't taste overcooked but the flavor was stinky and not in a good way. My favorite salmon is from Aquarius and it ain't from there. Lesson learned.

Then I had this fabulous bay shrimp salad. It's a must to pair bay shrimp with avocado. Delicious. I don't know why I don't get bay shrimps more often. The greens were from a farmer's market. Yum! I made a dressing of hazelnut oil, champagne vinegar, and lemon juice.

Speaking of fabulous, this fishy business all started Wednesday night when I decided to stop by Market Street Grill from PCTV to home and get some goodies. I also picked up an Alaskan crab leg (half the price of a nightly binge and slightly more than a pack of Nat Sherman's) that was the length of my arm. Like I said, WHY DON'T I DO THIS MORE OFTEN??? Bandit is also the luckiest kitty on the planet. They do bay shrimp and crab legs very well, I just wasn't impressed by the salmon. Maybe I waited too long?

Either way it was a fun week in healthy seafood.

Now that I have been smelling good (not talking about the salmon) for almost a year and 1/2 (talkin' about no smokey) I got Jo Malone's Orange Blossom perfume last winter, and today I got the new Angel Eau De Toilette, which is not as strong as the anise smelling Angel Eau De Parfum. My friend works at the Chanel counter at Nordstrom (oh to have friends in high places) so when they have an event I have to support her! :) I got some makeup and Angel. The latter has more bergamot (citrusy) so that's extremely mood-improving! I understand that essential oils by themselves may be healthier, but I'm not going to be stingy this time. I took my new BFF (my dental hygienist) and we had a fun girly time. I am so grateful to have a friend who gets me out of the house. On top of that, her friend who I know....from somewhere.....just asked me out to coffee. My new buddy is also on Match.com which inspired me to go back and I have another date lined up. Two dates in one week. Taking risks, being social, meeting guys. Life is good. Karma. Life really hasn't been better.

Love,

Smobergirl
Day 537

FIRE!

I just had a fierce craving. I know I said, "I can never go back there" before but it's not true tonight. I was upset about something about the new job (feeling like an idiot, mostly) and I just wanted to sedate myself tonight in vino and lots of it. Then I thought of the consequences, for one I have to be on the show tomorrow. Then I was watching Bitchin' Kitchen, a funny, sassy, cooking show on Cooking Channel. Each show has a theme, and this one was getting your anger put out by spicy foods. I can dig that. The host explained that the body thinks something is wrong when you eat an extremely spicy pepper, so the dopamine kicks in like CRAZY to make you feel better. So I heated up an Este pizza slice with a 1/4 diced scotch bonnet, no seeds. WOAH. It worked, and it was tasty. Brain feels goooooooood. Then I had another with Rico's guac/pico de gallo mix. I think this also calls for a spoonful of peanut butter and chocolate chips when a new Dexter episode comes on at 7. Speaking of TV and karma what came on after BK was a biography ('Chefography') of a TV host who got crazy with alcohol, and his father whom he hardly saw was an alcoloic and died when the host was 10. Then he went to a rehab in a beautiful space and realised how lucky it was to be alive. Then he went back to drinking, then was on and off "in limbo" so to speak. Then he met his girlfriend and tried to explain it to her but she didn't understand. He catered to Coachella (sponsored by Absolut) and partied. He had a wakeup call and never touched alcohol again after being offered a drink on the plane back. When he sobered up, he got the job at Cooking Channel. Karma. For the record he still is with his girlfriend. Thanks Chuck!

Also speaking of last farmer's markets, the last Wheeler Farm one was today and I took my new BFF, my dental hygienist. We stocked up on popcorn, greens, cilantro, grapes, and these crazy long radishes that look like carrots. We had a huge breakfast. My mind sticks sometimes and I found out that Brazil nuts and lutein in egg yolks are great for memory. I have the former and the latter I had yesterday and this morning. I also had their oat pancakes. I made an acorn squash and it's seeds for lunch. So delicious. I made one half with cinnamon, honey, smoked salt flakes, fresh mint leaves, and olive oil. Oh My God.

I was paranoid to dress up on camera tomorrow because my co-host is afraid to wear a costume in front of a Democrat he's interviewing. "He's a democrat!" I exclaimed. I don't think I convinced him. Hey, I calmed down, it's Halloween, sexy wolf is coming out.

Okay now my habenero brain feels greater than any drunken one would had done. Happy vs. angry. Happy=gooooooooood.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 500-something awesome!

Doing great and looking good.

The workouts and diet are effective. Oh yeah and no boozing or smoking keeps me glowing and my weight down too. Seriously, there's my slim smober clean active happy body, and my sluggish bloated dull-skinned aging alcoholic body. Big diff. Just sayin'. I filmed my first on-location package at the highly-anticipated mall opening next March, City Creek Center, and I looked trim, youthful, and happy. I was at an Angels and Devils party last night at a martini bar (water and rosemary flatbread were my poisons). The boobies and fake tans (hey I had the latter) were abundant. This was a lesson in accepting my age and knowing I look awesome because I'm taking care of myself, but not trying to look 21. It's been a while since I've been to a party like this one. That's the best anyone can do is have an attitude adjustment and just feel good about yourself no matter your surroundings (eg: cute little hotties. Feel like one too, no harm in that. :) In fact, several men came up to me and introduced themselves. I was with my dental hygienist and new friend who I've hung out once recently before. She's keeping me young by taking me out. We met this cute boy who came as Justin Bieber (any costume was acceptable) probably half our age but he wanted to party with us after but we said we had to work in the morning (well she did). And his mother showed up! It was adorable. So yeah, I felt like I still had it. It was a lesson in drinking too, for a few disheveled angels and devils tried to tell us how cute we were in the bathroom falling over with smeared makeup or making out sloppily on the dance floor or shaking a little too much booty for the professional photographer there. I was just elevated to be out of those woods. Overall I was just flattered to have guys come up to me! I think I still need to work on the self-esteem issue even though I'm giving you a pep-talk here. I need to give myself more of those. I still had 'fat arm' issues but I read that most women hate their arms second to their butts. So I don't think I'm alone. They are looking more toned and cut than 17 months ago for sure, and I have been lifting at least 3 times a week. I also flail them around like crazy when I do Zumba or Hip-Hop Abs. Chaturanga in yoga is also great for the triceps.

I was cold this morning so I had white beans in tomato pesto with Moroccan olives and hot pepper this morning. Warm and satisfying. There is a yoga pose for after you eat. Sit on your heels for 3-5 minutes. It aids digestion. That's what I'm doing in my $5 Target bunny PJ bottoms. I made my own iced coffee (I know oxymoron) with Teechino mix. I'm working on my coffee addiction. I have a new organic 1 pound coffee bag and hazelnut Teechino that I'm mixing at home, saving money in the process. Speaking of saving money, well compromising since I had multiple trips to Victoria's Secret and Anthropologie lately due to craves I've been eating about 80% of my meals at home. Breakfast is easy with quinoa and fruit, a smoothie, or beans like today. Dinner is easy too coming home from the TV show and whipping something up. Lunch can be a wrap on the go but sometimes I make a big salad at home then eat Bhuja nut mixes on the way up or something. Well, that can be dangerous ha ha. I've learned from my French friends to have a handful instead of the bag at home. But in the car that bag keeps staring at me. I feel just as satisfied with coffee, tea, or water (sparkling or still) on my commute up to Park City. Toothpicks are also good and there's flavored ones out there.

For lunch today I'll make Sarma Melngailis' Fix Me salad with kale, pumpkin seeds, pumkin oil, and love. Everything is made with love nowadays!

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 528

Cleansing to the salt dump!

This is a beautiful smoothie I made this morning:


Juice from 1 lime
1/4 pineapple
1/4 hot house cucumber
1/2 bunch cilantro
1 cup spa water (from a pitcher containing mint sprigs, lemon slices, and cucumber slices)
1 cup ice
1 tbs honey
1 tsp chia seeds
1 tsp flax seeds
1 tsp maca powder

It was fabulous. I felt light and my mood went up. Also for breakfast I make a sweet quinoa with toasted hazlenuts and pecans, dried cherries, more honey...honey, and cinnamon.

Then this happened for lunch: A salt-bomb-city Tom Kha Gai from a national Thai chain. I could only eat a 1/2 cup of the broth then I picked out the veggies and chicken. There is a local place that has a much healthier one, called Ekamai by Pioneer Park, for you Tom Kha Gai aficionados. It's true, when you don't eat table salt or sugar for a long time you are very sensitive to it. So I just drank the rest of my smoothie.

I think the light switch just went off in my brain. I've been off Antabuse again for about a week and a half and my sadness has subsided. For backup I got more citrus fruits and the smoothie definitely helped! Citrus=natural anti-depressant. That's why you feel so good after drinking your OJ. I think about wining and smoking, but because of my new job I can't do it. I know the consequences for sure. I can't go back there. The relapses in the past got to the point that I had what felt like 2-day hangovers. It was pretty brutal. Not to mention the bursts of inebriated email and FB rants. It is absolutely true that it gets better over time, losing the want to use and a better quality of life. It's worth the quit ten-fold.

Watch your salt! :)

Love,

Smobergirl
Day 525

Not-So-Scary Lemon-Beet Smoothie

6666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! That was The Bandit's contribution. Creepy!

This is really delicious and bright. You better like sour and you better like lemons. Do you dare???

3 Lemon Spinach or Sorrel leaves with stems
3 red beet green leaves with stems
About 15 small pesticide-free grapes WITH STEMS! (The grape stems, like other foods, have nutrients in them. A powerful blender will get rid of the woodsy texture. Grapes are on also the 'dirty-dozen' list for pesticides since they have no peel and are vulnerable, so use organic.)
1/2 lemon, peel cut off
1 cup water or lemon water
1 tsp maca powder
1 tsp chia seeds

Pulverize and liquify in a high speed blender. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Sour, tangy, antioxidant, cleansing deliciousness.

Love,

Smobergirl
Day 524

Just be honest.

Okay I got my act together. I just need to be honest with everybody. Problem solved. Honesty and letting go of what people may think really helped me over the last few years. I used to be afraid to be honest. But now I get it. And I don't work with mean people now so I can feel more comfortable doing so. Night! SLeep tight.

Smobergirl.

Pick three friends.

That is what Dr. Oz said to an obese man on his show who was also lonely, to call and talk to. I'm having a sad and lonely night tonight, and I can't even think of three people. Parents are out. Step-mother I don't want to bother. My friend Will, well, turns the tables and tells me how miserable he is. Don't want to bother my married friends. Don't want others to know I have these problems. Sheesh. This is what I posted in a www.quitnet.com club called OWWO (something about 'other winos') tonight:

"I have been so freaking depressed lately it's driving me batty. I don't want to smoke, I wanted to smoke and wine myself into a coma, but eight years of that wasn't improving my life. Is this club for ex-winos or people who enjoy being a wino, because LOL seriously I haven't been in here so long that I forgot! But either way I need to ramble. I was on Antabuse and since after using it for about a year I've honestly had suicidal thoughts. I don't feel old (40) but sometimes I feel I missed the boat on having fun, dating, and yeah maybe looking a bit older in the face had me down. I got a new fun, little pay (surprise) job on a small TV station and I love it but I also make mistakes because I wasn't trained there properly (of course it's all their fault, ha ha). I'm in charge of booking bands and the one tonight was late and couldn't soundcheck. His mic was off for two songs by accident and the singer was so sad! Then that made me angry, knowing I could have done a quick soundcheck if I knew how, while the director was taking a.....wait for it.....SMOKE BREAK!

My 'problem' is that I want to make everyone happy. I know that's impossible. And sometimes I put myself last, and dammit now I'm tearing up. I'm off the Antabuse and 80% or so (not 100 though) that I won't relapse. my insurance also no longer covers it. I've been anti-percription anyway and thought of Wellbutrin then thought against it.

The peanut putter high while lounging in my Victoria's Secret jammies lasted about 5 minutes. Something about sucking sticky stuff off a spoon got my mind off the day, even if just for a little while. I should try and sleep. I just hate to see people suffer and I hate to get embarrassed myself on camera. The director drives me nuts but I also love him. I won't and can't commit suicide but it's scary that I even think of it. Most of my life I've felt "stupid". I feel like Otto in A Fish Called Wanda (Don't call me stupid!) or Bridget Jones most of the time. Especially during the latter's smoking and drinking and feeling sorry for herself and "I pretty much feel like an idiot most of the time anyway". And she got a TV gig like me! I am Bridget Jones. Now I'm kinda giggling. All I have to do now is slide down a fireman's pole in a skirt.

I also got my yoga teacher certification to make myself feel better. Now I feel like I'm not fit to be a yoga teacher. How's them apples? I feel worse!

Thanks for hearing me out."

So that was my post. I think next time I feel this way I'll write it down, like an old therapist suggested. It's that mood worksheet thing I talked about before. In a nutshell I do feel like a moron. But I did get my point across to the director tonight of the TV show and maybe I'll get (or demand) some proper training. Even though the musician was late he didn't deserve a shitty turned off mic. But I feel like I could had prevented that if I took the reigns while the director was smoking outside instead of doing a soundcheck. What am I going to do? Maybe media isn't my thing. Maybe I can't handle media personalities. God knows I had my battles in radio. These TV people are actually much cooler, but less professional. What's a girl to do. Become the radio bitch and buy a leather whip from Blue Boutique? Hmmmm.....I also should be eating walnuts instead of peanut butter perhaps. There's cashew, almond, macadamia nut, sesame seed, and pistachio butters but I've never seen walnut butter. Hmmmmm.....


Smobergirl

P.S. Is there anyone out there who I can actually call in the future? I'm serious. I need my three peeps.

I am so grateful.

I'm a little emotional on this cloudy day. I just got a really cool little job on the TV. It's non-pretentious,the people are laid-back, I get to book who I want to book for the most part. I can't imagine who I'm going to meet and interview during Sundance. I get free parking during Sundance. I get to expose musical talent. I learn how to dress cuter. I get to meet olympic athletes. It's going to be a fun ride. I am going to meet so many people!

Life is what you make it. Being clean, taking care of my body, and moderation have immensely paid off. I think about boozing at home, but then I think of the immense consequences. Want to break a bad habit? Stop. When you stop, good things will start to happen. It's that faith and drive that made me stop. Life is very different now.

Natural peanut butter is pretty tasty. I have a spoonful a day. Mmmm. I also am sticking to whole foods rather than processed. Local jalepeno popcorn is pretty darn good with Dexter. Tonight's episode is "Smokey and the Bandit". I miss my Smokey. Bandito's in the bedroom and I'd wish he'd come out here in the living room and sleep on his favorite Love Sac pillow. I'll be alright. The pros are highly outweighing the cons right now.

Love,

Smobergirl

Making my father proud.

I don't know if you are like this but I've always struggled to make my father happy. However, part of this was me being a perfectionist. Finances have EVERYTHING to do with it. I never made enough (there is exactly no money in radio unless you are the owner or perhaps the morning show so don't get me started), the guys I dated never made enough, he asked me to take over his business or be a lawyer like my half-sister, which both were not in my league nor interest; and even as a small celebrity he kept bugging me to quit and get a job at KSL. Oh, okay Dad. However, there was one thing he was so proud of, which was me on stage. He was there right when plays ended and he'd tell me how good I was, even when I thought I stunk. He'd embarrass me in junior high when I was Kim MacAfee in Bye Bye Birdie when he stood up and waved during my solo in "Got A Lot Of Livin' To Do". So flash-forward to present day. I got the PCTV job. It's just what I wanted, part-time with perks, booking and interviewing most of the music talent. And my father watches every night. Every single damn night. I felt horrible going to John Waters this evening so he couldn't see me on the TV. He just loves it, and calls me before and after every show. He just loves it. I have not felt this love since acting at Desert Star Playhouse in the 90s when he'd drag my step-fam to every show. This touches my heart more than anything. He didn't give a damn about my corporate radio days. He hated that music anyway too. But he loves seeing me. That means the world.


Love,

Smobergirl

Day 515, and 17 months in four days.

Walnuts fight depression and are great for memory. They do look like brains...

I just read on beachbody.com that walnuts help fight depression and are good for memory. They do look like brains...

Day 500!

Woot! This calls for a celebration. For one, given the events that have been happening, I need to chill out. I think I was getting impatient with some things. I am healthier than ever, skinnier than my college days, and I have tons of energy. I feel that I'm not appreciating life as much as I should, and I'm stuck in 'woulda coulda' land. I also think I went nuts on the sugar this Summer because maybe I've been so good for a year without it. Maybe the sadness and occasional tiredness is from the sugar? I also want to start going to bed, or try, by 10 again and maybe waking up at 6. But, I deserve a huge pat on the back for being sober and smoke free for 500 days!

Breakfast: The Emperor's Tea (green tea kit), Fage 0% with chocolate 'healthy' granola and 1/2 mango, chia, and maca. It was a little too filling and I could taste the 'evaporated cane juice'. Hold on I need to google something........hmmmm it's not as refined as table sugar and has trace minerals, but it's not too different. I don't feel nearly as good as after drinking a home make smoothie. I think the other mango 1/2 will be in a shake tomorrow morning. I've been staying up late die to dates (ooh la la) but waking up after 9 or even 9:30 and not feeling nearly as good as when I was going to bed early and getting up at 7-7:30.

Well I should still be proud. Yay! What a year and almost 1/2. How time flies. Celebration should be taking care of your bod. Maybe I'll get a facial! Maybe I'll go skating in the park. Love to oneself and to others, or a 'reward' should be a healthy choice. Not boozing up in a club or a piece of cake.

My goal for this week: No sugar or stress.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 500!

Sweet and buzzed

Okay maybe I was a bit dramatic last night and I'm cool now about the new editor sitch. I now want to start on the coffee and sugar issue. I thought I'd only be attached to both for about 6 months to a year after I quit drinking and smoking, but this Summer has been pretty bad and I'm feeling sluggish, even with all of the "Insanity", yoga, and hip hop. Some of the oils and fats in sweets can clog or break arteries, resulting in a struggling heart and irregular heart beat, which I've experienced both including heart palpations within the last month. I also got on new vitamins and I wonder if those could be the culprit. I'm back to vitamins that I'm used to (Women's Raw). Yeah scary. So my sweets of choice now are Fage 0% with no sugar granola or naked oats and buckwheat, nuts, fruit fresh and dried, frozen coconut milk desserts, coconut, and cacao nibs. I also have been shunning the kale and greens lately so those are back. Hey it was a phase! :) I had a pineapple cilantro shake with ginger, maca, chia, lemon water, ice, and flax for breakfast. For lunch I made zucchini 'noodles' with raw marinara, chopped hazelnuts, avocado, and hemp seeds. For dessert I had Fage 0% with chocolate granola, dried cherries, and freeze-dried strawberries and bananas.

I am watching Drs. Andrew Weil and Deepak Chopra on Dr. Oz now. Chopra said that 1-4 cups of coffee are okay. Well then. What to do, because Dr. Oz said in a newsletter 2 years ago that you can lose 10 pounds from switching from coffee to tea because of the coffee acids produce cortisol in the body. He also said an hard boiled egg a day is good for the brain. Both are controversial foods. I was proud of myself yesterday that I made my own iced coffee at home with vanilla extract. I only had 1/2 a 16 ounce iced coffee today. I did my Hip Hop Abs and that always makes me drink tons of water, during and after. However later on that same Dr. Oz program Chopra gave alternatives to caffeine. I mean that's cool. That's good for the Mormons in town. Drink a glass of warm water in the morning and massage your earlobes and forehead with coconut or sesame oil. I just love coconut oil. Eat your main meal at lunchtime. Drink ginseng tea at lunch. My dad used to swear by ginseng tea. At night drink lemon juice, ginger root, and honey with water.

My tiredness can also be explained by going to bed too late and waking up at 8 or 9. It's better to be in bed by 10 and wake up at 6. Not only did this Dr. Oz TV special say that but so has my yoga teacher training instructor.

So with the coffee thing I got more Teechino and just mixed 1/2 that with 1/2 coffee. It's progress.

Wokout: Hip-Hop Abs Dance Party. Heeeeey!

Smobergirl
Day 499

Comedy

Maybe I don't need to reset the link between my computer and my iphone. However long texts don't seem to get posted.

Bandit sure knows how to cheer a gal up. I drew a hot lavender bath and as I got in and started to relax from my cry over what a crappy writer I am (and I am just a pretty voice, I can't speak eloquently or write well apparently) he makes the biggest poop of his life in the litter box. It's like "no, you are not allowed to relax". It was pretty funny. That, or I'm totally sick.

I'm a radio DJ, I'm not a journalist. To be told to edit my own articles with a fine toothed comb, as a non-writer, was not fair. What the heck is an editor's job anyway? No, not bitter at all. Yes I had a frozen hot chocolate this late, don't piss me off!


:)


Night,

Smobergirl

Testing...Yeah I'm trying the text again. Maybe I need to reset the link.

Sadness.

For one, my texts aren't being posted! Ha ha. I'll just have to stick typing on the ol' Macbook here.

I'm doing the stinkin' thinkin' again. All of my life I could cry at the drop of a hat. Then I beat myself up for being sensitive. Maybe I just want to be perfect all of the time. I freelance for a local paper and I just read an email from the music editor that I'm basically a difficult writer, and that I need to edit my stuff with a fine-tooth comb. I just don't want any conflict but I feel like a shitty writer now. This is a new editor and the last one had a few issues with me, whereas the very first music editor I worked with didn't say a darned thing, he just edited my articles, like an editor. So yeah I freaked out a little, because I didn't think I was crap until I was told as such. People suck. Now I have a cat butt in my face. What's a girl to do?

Breakfast: Fage 0% with granola, blackberries, chia seeds, flax seeds, wheat germ, and buckwheat groats. One cup of The Emperor's Tea.

Lunch: 3 ounces poached salmon and 2 ounces of mashed sweet potatoes. Four moroccan olives. 3 ounces of hummus. One cooked carrot. 10 watermelon balls in balsamic vinegar. The mashers, salmon, and carrot are leftover from Tin Angel yesterday.

I don't want to nor can drink or smoke (Antabuse doing it's magic), and surprisingly I don't want a huge frozen hot chocolate from Hatch's, but I am in the dumps!! The bright news is that I'm going out with someone to a country show tonight and I'll probably forget that I'm a sucky writer by the time Kris Kristopherson sings his first note. Do you think I'm a sucky writer?

Smobergirl

Still smober on day 498. 500 days soon, yay. I'm still fricking depressed.

And that's the thing, do I have a chemical imbalance? Do the drugs make me sad? Is it the loneliness? Is it because I'm not with a corporate company anymore and some aren't caring for me as much that's getting me down? Am I burnt out and can't handle any criticism at age 40? I'm not mad at this editor but I can't stop the tears today. Bandit's fluffy butt does help though. ;)

An experiment in food.

I got some non-GMO chicken breasts and tried a panko baked recipe from the Food Network's "Down Home With The Neelys", a BBQ show, and this was a 'healthy' special. They used eggs for the wash but I don't have any here, so I looked up a substitute and found a site that suggested bananas. Hmmm. I mean mmmm! The chicken is so juicy! There is a slight hint of banana, but it really goes well with the garlic, smoked paprika, honey, dijon, and hot sauce that you put in the mixes, there's a wet and a dry. I feel healthy and happy. I served it with a 'kitchen sink' salad (whatever's in my fridge) of bok choy, farmer's mkt cherry tomatoes, red bell pepper, cucumber, flat leaf parsley, and avocado with honey vinegar. Picture to come, My camera cord has a short in it. Boo. The dijon gives the chicken a white wine flavor, which I really enjoyed (the flavor not the buzz). I have no desire whatsoever to drink or smoke. The craves still come some nights but I fast-forward in my head to the morning after. That usually does the trick still. Uh-oh now I'm a bit sleepy. I'd say this would make a nice dinner and not an energizing lunch. The salad would, most definitely. I like the bright red bell pepper, which has vitamin C. The honey vinegar is local and I got it at Caputo's. Reminds me of Greece. The Greeks seem to put honey in everything.

Breakfast: Fage 0% with buckwheat groats, walnuts, blackberries, currants, maca powder, and chia seeds.

Yesterday I did Insanity core cardio recovery (Recovery? LOL It still made me sweat), and yoga teaching last night. I'll walk the treadmill in a second and do the 'recovery' again today later. It's Insanity Recovery Week time. Meaning your thighs burning up in flames but less intense cardio.

I also have my guitar lesson, which I am looking forward to, and a fun art/music night.

Smobergirl

Day 494, and I've saved over $5000. What what!

16 Months!

I think it's about time for the no-coffee experiment. I still can't pull myself away from it. Sounds familiar, but at least it doesn't impair my judgment. Ha. I had more anxiety after one today, but I was stressin' over some things late last night. I was bawling like a baby, actually. Stuff definitely came out. But I do have all I need. Great now I'm tearing up, and I think I've made myself ill.

I have that ghost over my head from burning the bridge over the old place I worked at. Does that even matter? There was a truth in how I felt but was that valid playing the victim? I just wanted to be respected and have fun at a job I loved, is that so wrong? I felt that I gave everyone else respect then when I left I unplugged the cork, literally. Hey that's kinda funny. I teach yoga and tell everyone else to let go of their fears. And why should I expect respect from my old job? The media is ego-laden, alcoholic-laden, and competitively-laden in the first place. I'm going to do some breathing exercises then take a hot bath.

#2 stressor: A boy. Yeah, yeah.

#3: Money. Which is fine now but again, I am "nowhere" and "now here" is where I should be, in the present and not worrying about the future. It will actually be a good process for me to prepare and start investing properly.

This is why I blog. I hope to receive advice as well as give it. Life should be about sharing. I just wish I didn't make myself oofy.

Food was fun on a budget. Really, I'm not being sarcastic.

I roasted the rest of my thawed, frozen shrimps according to a Barefoot Contessa recipe. There's no cocktail sauce but I have a Moroccan catsup I mixed with hot sauce. Then I had guac ingredients and got my frustrations out in my mortar and pestle. I have a hot house cucumber but it tastes weird. No I'm not pregnant. But I make a fantastic guacamole. I seriously need to box the stuff. Awe kitteh wants to play fetch! Bandit is a miracle. Pets know when you're feeling crap-tastic.

So that was lunch, and breakfast was a raspberry and Amazing Greens shake preceded by iced coffee. Like I've said many times with the drinkin' and the smokin', I want to stop this. I really want this experiment. And that coffee scrub I made instead of drinking it, so awesome!

Smobergirl

Cardio gooooood.....

I'm now addicted to doing a Hip-Hop Abs DVD almost every day. Since I started rotating that with Insanity, a week later my arms are getting more cut and I feel thinner. What I wanted was for my 'fat arms' to disappear and cardio with light weights and push-ups are doing the thang. I can't be happier in my body right now, and what's really amazing is that I can breathe deeper, literally. I'm absolutely sure that not smoking also does the trick, but since I've been doing sweaty cardio for five weeks I feel like my lungs are stronger and bigger. I don't know if they are actually bigger, but my breathing capacity has gotten bigger. I breathe differently. It's pretty amazing. Like Ash says in Fantastic Mr. Fox, "I'm an athlete", when he really isn't until he proves such at the end of the movie. That's how I'm feeling.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 489 and 16 months quit

I love the Germans and I think I love the Italians.

I'm 1/2 German anyway, and I finally opened up a tiny box containing chocolate sprinkles that I got at a restaurant in Venice, but the brand was German. I got it as a condiment for breakfast to put on buttered toast, but I stashed it in my backpack instead and took it home. I put it in non-fat Greek yogurt with pineapple chunks, pecans, and coconut flakes. That was dinner. It's my time O' month and I either get ravenous or not hungry at all. Working out every day seems to do that too.

So I lucked out yesterday morning for Black Friday, excuse me Target Tuesday, and showed up with only three other girls waiting at the door at 8 am for the Missoni collection debut, which ended up on the news talking about how some stores sold out in three minutes, and over 1,500 items ended up on eBay for about twice as much. Somehow I didn't feel satisfied anymore, but I should feel however I want to, and I did luck out and got some nice fall clothes, a candle, a gift box I'll use for Christmas, and a cosmetic bag. I even was proud that I got a girl's dress that makes a super tank top. I posted some of my findings on FB and of course one guy gets on there saying how evil Target is, another talked about how the website crashed and another talked about eBay. I learned to be the observer in my life because who can we control? Ourselves. I won't get wrapped up in drama. I will enjoy my made-in-China clothes by a famous Italian designer. I think I'm pretty good at being guilty, and I need an attitude adjustment. Plus I'm PMSing. You know I got off the Depo-Provera last year so my periods have only been back not even that long. I had to ask a girlfriend what her favorite, erm, feminine product was because mine were very uncomfortable. I fixed that by her recommendation (Playtex Super-Slims BTW) and everything on that end is groovy now.

Everything should be a step-forward lesson, and not a set-back regret. How many hyphens can-I-put-in-this-post? So that made me think why don't I get that clothing-exchange party together I've been thinking about for two years? And if I need something, the second-hand shops could use some business. And hey, I've haven't been to Pibs Exchange in forever, why don't I hit that and find a cute Halloween costume? Yes early. So I did. Check. Sexy wolf. It's also warm! Practical AND sexy.

So I learned to be grateful no matter what. Karma is still on my side being sober and I got some hot-ticket items without fighting ladies at Target and having to wait in a huge line. The costume fit like a glove and I feel so confident in my new body. Clean and healthy feels pretty darn good. Oh come on it was just a tablespoon of sprinkles. At least I can get away with that now that my bod's a FURNACE! Tee hee.

Breakfast: Fage 0% Greek yogurt with my friend's granola, chia seeds, and wheat germ
Lunch: 1/2 avocado, baked sweet potato fries with dijon mustard and wing sauce. 5 teeny cucumbers made for gerkin pickles that I found at at farmer's market, in the wing sauce. PMS is not really any different from being pregnant really.
Dinner: Fage 0%, pineapple chunks, coconut flakes, and German chocolate sprinkles.

Smobergirl

Day 485. 1 year and four months on the 17th.

Bonsoir.

I'm in bed. I had fun at the Craft Sabbath monthly deal at the library. I didn't work out all day and started to actually feel mentally crappy, so around 7 pm I walked incline on the tread for 20 minutes and now I feel great! See you don't have to go 'insane' to get those endorphins up. Drinking worked because it raised my dopamine levels, now exercise does the same thing. I'm going to Zumba tomorrow with a friend who's never done it before. I also had another buddy at the craft thing say that she's influenced by my good behaviors, and half of the crafters(I know just about all of them) want to take my yoga class! I was kinda floored. So I need to make business cards. Also thanks to FB everyone knows I do Insanity. Is that a good or bad thing? Well I am telling the honest truth, I'm getting more pats on the back than I expected. And it feels pretty amazing.

Breakfast: 1/2 cup Fage 0% Greek yogurt with 1/4 pineapple chunks and granola my girl friend made.

Snack: Greek Frappe (8 ounces) and an almond cookie from the Greek fest. I do not feel guilty one bit thanks very much.

Lunch: 1/4 cup quinoa with raw marinara and 5 kalamata olives (notice a theme?)

Dinner: Portabello sandwich with chevre and roasted red bell peppers, mixed green salad with red grapes from Wild Grape Bistro.

Hot tea from The Emperor's Tea.

I am going back to not eating 2-3 hours before bedtime. It does help me sleep better and I keep reading (and have personal proof) that you'll become slimmer.

Workout: 20 minutes incline walk, P.M. yoga.

I still need to model that dress for you.

Smobergirl

Results!

I have to admit, I mixed in Hip Hop Abs with Insanity this week, but I am so much more confident about my body! It is rewarding if you just do it, like Nike says. I'm half-way through. I was getting pretty 'bored' I thought of jumping up and down every day. I wanted something fun so the hip hop was good for my soul, and it actually made me laugh! That's good medicine right there. But, what should I do. It's four more weeks (Insanity) of an even harder work out. I'm a pretty indecisive gal. If I don't do it I might strangely feel guilty. If I do I can always go back to dance work outs. HOWEVER, the important thing is I am more confident when I sweat every day. Like my step-mom said when I first quit drinking and smoking, "Yoga's nice and all, but why don't you get a punching bag or do kick boxing?". Jumping around really, really helps my mood! I'm seeing physical results and I feel damn sexy. My butt is rounder, I feel better about my arms almost to the point of not caring, and my torso is shrinking. I have a 2-pack, and I have this cool, tight feeling when I suck it in, like I'm getting more solid. I have a BCBG dress that used to be tight and I looked a little round in it. I wore to the opera on Friday, and not only is it a little big on me now, but I look really flattering in it.

Well I have to go to a craft event, I'll be back and maybe I'll show you the dress. It's absolutely true, exercise and diet are the magic bullet.

Smobergirl

Day 482

No desire to drink or smoke whatsoever.

You say tomato.

I went to the Tuesday DT farmer's market and this tomato guy just kept raving about his different species, so I bit and got a pretty great variety.

Insanity burnout happened, so I did Hip Hop Abs with the same host Shaun T for 3 days. I did Insanity today. Hip Hop Abs is a blast, and I still broke out in a sweat. Of course it was more fun, but I felt like it helped my coordination too. Some of those moves are fast! I was happy with it. Sure I want the Insanity t-shirt, and I'm almost halfway there, but I really wanted a break. It's a hard hot tamale! Just knowing that I'm not bingeing anymore is a reward. I lost 25 pounds alone by quitting alcohol and eating crazy smoothies in the morning. No Insanity required, the workout I mean. Hardy har har. I love to dance, and I wished I started Zumba or hip hop or something earlier for my mind. I even like kick boxing.

I had a chat with my step-mother today, and things haven't changed with women and anorexia, in fact it may be worse. I was on an online store's size chart yesterday and they listed a size 00. 00! Please tell me that's genetic. The waif or yoga body is pretty trendy right now, especially Urban Outfitters ads. Those gals are pretty thin. I do go there quite a bit, but the ads are another thing. American Apparel is similar. Sorry to point fingers. I am going to stop looking in the mirror and poke and prod at this or that on my body. Health has made me look better, and I still, like many women, have a complex. That's not fair. I say health along with confidence is the new skinny. Moving in any form gives me confidence, and eating well most of the time. I like taking care of my bod. Speaking of the smoothies, I made an after-dinner one. It's pretty fancy:

1 scoop chocolate Amazing Greens powder (which has maca and flax already in it, so I didn't add those)
1/2 packet frozen acai puree
1 tbs goji berries
1/4 cup black currants
1/4 cup blueberries
1 cup cold water
1 tsp chia seeds


YUM! It's also very pleasing to the eye.

Take care of your body and it will take care of you. Throw the notion out the window that you have to be uber thin. Hey who didn't have a crush on Seth Rogan right? And he's a confident-looking cutie to boot. So is Zach Galifianakis, Jack Black...okay so those guys may have been unhealthy looking, but they have I hope confidence, and definitely a sense of humor. Hey I know Seth is looking more svelt, and he's no Jude Law. Okay I'm finished but I'm saying if you are active and eat right, you should feel good. Don't be upset that you're not a 00, which I hope doesn't become the new 0 I hope to God!

Love,

Smobergirl
Still kicking at day 477

Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion.

I have managed to give myself a complex over the years and wear what I think guys would like. True story. This would be, what I've read and seen in the mags of course (those dreaded magazines :), especially the "His opinion" columns, to wear minimal makeup, absolutely no wedges or mock turtlenecks, no short shorts or jeggins, and no sequins or clothing 'bling'. You know it is funny. I have been teasing my friends that when I'm 60 I'll be like Bette Midler in Beaches and embarrass myself with outlandish mumus and pink hair on vacation, and I'll peroxide my hair, drive a Jag convertible, and only wear white and leopard print, with the sequined ball caps. Who knows, that is 20 years down the road. Time to start a Jaguar fund jar.

However I do own a pair of new lime-green corduroy wedges from Toms which I think are fun and comfortable, I don't wear a lot of makeup but once in a while I'll bust out the turquoise liquid eyeliner, and I'm keeping my jeggins for slipping into boot-ease this Fall and Winter. I just decided to wear what I like. WOW what a concept. Geez, we live and learn. Oh and for the record I do have two sequin tops, and you know I wasted them all Summer except for one crummy date and my cruise. Didn't you know that it is required to bring at least one sequined top on a cruise?

Love,

Smobergirl

P.S. Healthy Salty Crave Tip:

Sprinkle cucumber (Persian and hothouse are best) slices with sea salt, cayenne salt, or drizzle with BBQ sauce. Trust me on this one.

The condimentrum

I'm a big foodie, and you know I had an ice cream problem all Summer, but I am starting to minimize. I don't want to eat lentils all day, or egg whites and naked chicken breasts. I want to eat clean and feel gourmet at the same time. I ate no dairy yesterday, and today I am using no or tiny amounts of sea salt (naked egg white for breakfast with a smoothie instead of the usual waterfall of ground sea salt) a tablespoon of marinade instead of a 1/2 cup, and 'forking' dressing on my salad. I realized a little goes a long way, and I can actually taste my food! Ha ha. Remember that commercial "Don't Drown Your Food"?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfEG15CLTqo&feature=related

Inspired from Melngalis' book I made a smoothie with coconut water, pineapple, orange, ginger, kale, flax, hemp, chia, maca, and gooseberries. I got a bunch of currants and gooseberries from the farmer's market so I'm trying to use them up quickly. I also had one egg white like I mentioned. For lunch I made Di Laurentis' arugula and grilled fruit salad without the grilling part, my grill pans are in the washer. I think the salad is great either way, and I sprinkled on some hemp seeds. They are crunchy, and a great compliment to just about any salad. I also had zucchini 'noodles' with marinated portabello (1 tablespoon Bragg's aminos, chopped garlic, and chopped ginger), avocado, and yellow tomato.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/everyday-italian/arugula-salad-with-grilled-fruit-recipe/index.html

I taught yoga and did Zumba yesterday and muscled through the thigh-burning Insanity Cardio Recovery and finished with yoga today. I definitely want more water since I started the program 18 days ago. I can't believe it's been that long already. Yeah, I look better. I gained 5 and not 10 pounds (scale wasn't set right) and the manual said not to rely on the scale. So there. But I'm still trying to eliminate dairy again or minimize it. I still am on the coffee, but I'm drinking less. I know that issue has not been resolved yet. My arms and legs are toning up, and my abs are already looking better. I feel my 'top' looks bulkier, growing out stage? Bigger shoulders? Uh, the copious amounts of cold creamy desserts? I still feel confident and I just feel good after I finish the DVDs, Zumba, and yoga. I'm thrilled that Insanity has yoga moves in each workout. I have a dance background and want more fun sometimes, so I bought Shaun T's (the Insanity dude) Hip Hop Abs. I know I'm on the infomercial wagon.

Smobergirl
Day 473

Um, what should I call this...

I'm Still Doing Insanity, or I gained 10 pounds!, or I'm becoming calmer, or, Why Didn't I do strenuous cardio Before? One of those is an appropriate title. You can't do Insanity or any other crazy workout and eat whatever you want, lesson learned. No more dessert, I have to make my own raw versions at home. Plus frozen bananas make a creamy alternative when blended. The Insanity workouts (I'm on day 16) are being effective and they make me feel good. My abs feel stronger, my butt is already getting rounder (awesome!), and my wish is coming true slowly for toned arms. HOWEVER, I gained ten, count 'em, ten pounds. Please tell me part of this is muscle. I did notice more love handlage and bigger thighs. I feel like my body is at an awkward stage, like growing out your hair. Did I say that already before? Well I have been ODing on the ice cream and sweets, not to mention a few frappuccinos and frozen hot chocolates. I'm a cheater I admit it! It's gotta be Summer cuz I'm craving wine so badly that I just go to the sugar. And with all of those gelatos in Europe, I just couldn't stop when I got home. Actually I'm watching Giada At Home right now and she's making a healthy frozen treat out of fruit and honey, that's it. You can substitute and they can be just as good or better then junk food. I also have been eating 'bad' comfort food lately. The workouts make me not hungry at all then ravenous. I need a balance. Insanity does have a cook book that I perhaps should be following. It's five, clean, small meals a day. They are pretty small, now I sound like a grouch. I should dabble in these at least. Because I'm an emotional kind of gal, I do like eating out. When I went vegan a few years ago for lent, I was looking really good. But I was only doing yoga. But I still looked great. I may have to dabble in that also, and when I do eat out I'll probably stick to the vegan cafe's like I did that lent (even though I am not Catholic, it's a great idea), even though Vinto is calling my name right now. I need a balance, and only eat what makes me feel good. That is this blog's game plan you know, and changing the way I think about food, how you should change your perspective as well I believe. What is the food doing to you? What is it doing to your skin? How does it make you feel? Food is not our enemy but our energy. Hey I just made that one up! The worst thing I probably ate during this experiment (or cheating) was the chocolate chipotle bread, even local, that I ate too much of and made myself feel icky. I truly believe that dough makes you doughy!

From starting a regular workout I have been slacking on most everything else. Who do I want to be? I haven't practiced guitar in three weeks and I have a lesson tomorrow. When I play it I feel calm, serene, and it's a great meditation. I'm still waiting on that TV show potential, and I just need to wait for an answer. In the meantime I'm working out and I'll lose the junk so I can look good if I get it. Coffee? That's a struggle still. I'm drinking that local reparative tea and I think it's helping my allergies. What else can I stop procrastinating on? Art, yoga routine writing. I want to keep flowing, listening to my heart, and following instincts too.

Back to food. Look how gorgeous this salad is! I definitely had my fruit fix today. It's lemon spinach, watercress, and romaine with currants, tomatoes, avocado, cantaloupe, pineapple, and watermelon with honey vinegar, grape seed oil, hemp seeds, and cracked sea salt. Get a melon baller! It's too much fun. :) For breakfast I made a creamy smoothie of banana, blueberries, vanilla whey powder, ice, filtered water, maca, flax, and chia. I am still hungry and I'll just eat more often today. Or eat until I am satisfied but try to eat better.

I am taking Antabuse every other day again to stretch it out. I like the tea, it may be more calming than the maca. Again it's a Utah business called The Emperor's Tea.

Smobergirl

Day 471

A good day.

It's been an incredible day for my mind and soul, throw my body in there too. I learned a lot about addiction just by having guests on today who sell local green tea products. They gave me a kit that's supposedly will fix everything: stress, anxiety, allergies, help with focus, arthritis, aid with cancer, I could go on and on. It may sound like malarky but it's excellent timing because you know I am trying my dangedest to switch from coffee to tea like for forever. So I opened up to them and talked about my alcohol and cig quit, and I'm on this health kick anyway, and maybe their product will be beneficial, especially now that coffee, not cigarettes and alcohol, is my last hurdle now. These two men who created the product (www.theemperorstea.com) of course talked about the benefits of this particular loose leaf green tea and one of them is a doctor who uses nanotechnology for the kit which they call their Rejuvenation System. We'll see. It may sound like a candidate for a cheesy informercial product, and I can be more skeptical than the average person but I have it in my hands, and like I said before, I'm more than willing to be a guinea pig for you.

And speaking of, the Insanity is working. It's been only two weeks and I'm already seeing a slighter definition in my arms and torso, and my butt is rounder thanks very much. My friend who co-owns a local cafe does it and she lost a lot of weight and looks amazingly tight. She did P90X before, but she likes this better because it's shorter and it flies by. Again, I hope you don't think I'm getting on the informercial bandwagon here. I'm not here to sell anything nor do I work for these companies. I just want to be healthy and I am willing to experiment. Mainly because I have a lot of free time, nothing to lose, and I have been sad and lonely. The workout has yoga in it and is making me more flexible already, and I am influenced to do more yoga after the workout and on my off days. I gave myself a foot massage tonight from a reflexology video and did a bunch of yoga hip openers, screaming in pain. Yes it was a good day! I so needed to do that. Now I feel all loosey goosey in the hippage. It also calmed my mind, and the more I take care of myself the less I want to give into the craves. I still have them, but #1 the Antabuse is saving me, and #2 the craves go away, per the usual, after about 5 minutes. I also witnessed a friend's drunk behavior last Saturday night, and he could have been on something else too. He threatened a bouncer at a club that he had a gun in his bag, and six police cars arrived soon after. There was no gun, but depressingly my friend, who I met and haven't seen since two years ago doing business with him, was not in his right mind. I hate to keep in check because of his tragedy, but it absolutely did. Despite that I am growing and becoming healthier and happier, and the good luck seems to keep coming. More on that later because...

...I am beat and need to crash, but I'm still making smoothies (kale, flat leaf parsely, grapefruit, currents, and acai this morning) and I'm getting off the dairy wagon again soon but I got on the lean meat one. Still experimenting. I still eat grains and lots of raw food. I made an amazing watermelon, radish, arugula, and watercress salad today for lunch. Then I had a pork chop with local tomatoes and tomatillo salsa at the aforementioned cafe. There could have been butter and blue cheese in it, my apologies. Emotional eating took place there. I also got off the ice cream truck. I will dearly miss it. I caught myself eating more and more sweets, and I don't want that to snowball. Again, all from emotions.

Sweet dreams,

Smobergirl

I'm going 'insane'

Insanity week 3 starts on Tuesday, tomorrow is my day off. I had a 'fat' day today and realized that my upper torso was getting that sexay 'V", so it made my love handles below look even bigger. But my butt is also getting shapelier. Insanity is definitely working, and I need to chill. It's like growing out your hair. I feel like I'm at an 'awkward phase' for some reason. Last night I had a big event and wore a tube dress with a million ruffles on it and I was looking fluffy but I didn't feel sexy. Then I thought my arms looked fat, and I wasn't being a happy camper at all. I was regretting the shakes, not the healthy ones but I've been eating frozen hot chocolates and soy shakes. Not to mention ice creams that I've been pounding all Summer. I also went back to eating meat and had the most succulent duck with blueberries for dinner tonight. Y'know, this coffee madness has to stop too. I don't feel good when I drink it, and sometimes I don't even like the taste. I get iced coffees because I 'have to have them'. It's an addiction. I have to test this Dr. Oz theory and see if I can trim up by quitting coffee. I have to muscle up. Plus I've been irritable all Summer. It's either the sugar, caffeine, not meditating or doing enough yoga (I know shame on me), career issues; or a mix of all or some of these.

So I really don't know what my body is doing, am I getting fitter or fatter? I like Insanity because you do a little yoga which is awesome. It's late, stuff has been coming up, and I need to quit the coffee and sugar now. The meat I can debate about later. The thing is in the past year, even more so this summer, I've been getting copious amounts of compliments. I think my deal is that I'm still lonely and I don't feel good enough, for a relationship or a career. However I look better, my family and friends are proud of me, and the good luck seems to keep creeping in. I also don't have the paranoias I had when I was a wino, and that is a huge, huge reward.

Smobergirl

Day 469

Smobriety is great!

Especially since SLC is having bad air quality. My lungs already feel gross. It's sad, but it could be much worse if I were smoking.

Well I've had no coffee today so far. I made a fantastic iced tea with Tea Forte's Raspberry Nectar. It tastes like Jell-O. I added local honey, frozen raspberries, and lemon slices.

My mood has been improving, especially since I have a full-time media job potential, I hung out with yogini girl friends last night, and I'm having dinner at a friend's house tonight and he's a really good cook.

I continue Insanity day 10 tomorrow. Today is a yoga break for me. I'm supposed to do a Cardio Recovery DVD, which I did last week, but my yoga gal pals do yoga instead. I'm already noticing more shoulder, bicep, and tricep tone, and I see more definition in my abs already. Last week was brutal though trying to walk. It burns, it burns in the calves!

Oh man, a lesson in not buying junk food! I had to get $20 at the BBQ place yesterday for the Groupon, and a friend of mine surprisingly works there! He said the jerky was amazing. Uh oh. It was local and without additives, etc, and my junkie mind just went for it. And it has jalepenos. My yoga teachers would be so disappointed. Jerky is a childhood past time and I have a hard time eating it in moderation. My brother and I would eat a huge can each during boating trips on Lake Powell (P.S. Powellpolooza is mid-September!). However, I am trying to pay attention how my body feels on food and a much as I want to clean the entire bag right now, I had about 5 medium slices. Maybe six. I feel the effects of the salt I think in my eyes a bit and I'm a little sleepy, but man it was good. I had a pineapple-cilantro-coconut smoothie for breakfast and zucchini noodles with cashew 'alfredo' and endive spears I made for lunch. Then My tall, hot blonde friend is making Indian tonight. :)

Pineapple-Cilantro shake with a coco twist:

1/4 pineapple, 1 small buch cilantro, 1 cup coconut water, 1 tsp coconut oil, 1 persian cucumber, 1 cup ice, 1 tsp maca, chia, and flax.

Smobergirl

See the blessing in everything.

Well, it's been an eventful week. For one, I lasted 1 day without coffee. This is funny. But not. But it is. I saw it coming because I gave my password and birthdate to what I thought was an email from Microsoft Network. I received a similar one about six months ago and ignored it because I smelled a scam. However a week later my msn email was canceled, like the email said would happen if I didn't supply personal information. I eventually got it back up and running again, but it sure was a pain without it because it was connected to all of my accounts. So On Sunday I get another of these emails and this time I follow instructions. Oops. On Monday morning I'm getting swamped with phone calls and Facebook emails either saying I got scammed, or if I'm okay. This is what they received, friends and family, via email or Facebook message:

Hi, I'm sorry to disturb you with this. I am in London,England now due to urgent matter. I'm in a terrible situation. I really need your help with a loan of US$2,000. I'll explain the situation better once i get back this weekend. If you can help out with the money or whatever funds you can come up with will be greatly appreciated. I really need you to get back to me as soon as you get this email. Please keep this between us.

Thanks,
portia


It wasn't spam for Viagra, it was a personal email with my name on it. Creepy. But does this look realistic to you? Didn't think so. On top of that I was on the internet live that day. I immediately cancelled my credit cards. My msn email was hijacked, with the password and security question changed. Doubly creepy. I was so distraught I gave in and...got a large iced coffee. I'm still not off of it. Plus my time of month hit that day, so I craved that and sugar even more. The sorry sad thing is that if I wasn't on Antabuse, I might had drank. However I really didn't care how I felt on coffee, but the weird thing was that I'd only drink about 3-4 ounces then stop. The beauty of this hacking though was that I had a lot of junkmail in there anyway. I also changed all of my accounts except for itunes, which I'll get around to. Also, a lot of friends, even an ex-boyfriend, came out of the woodwork, so I got to keep up with them! Hey if it takes that to catch up with them...It's funny, a Friend from France almost had her friend vacationing in London rescue me. Can you believe it.

On a different note, I started Insanity on Tuesday, and it's kicking my calves to the curb. I'm finishing each DVD though, if barely. The first one is a fit test and I did take about a 5 minute break instead of 30 seconds halfway through. Each workout is 30-55 minutes and the first month ones are no longer than 40. Today, day 4, was cardio recovery, but don't be fooled by 'recovery'. There was no sweating buckets involved like the other three days, but a lot of squats, balances, lunges, and power yoga. It was more burn than sweat. The program is 60 days, 6 workouts a week. If I don't get soccer calves by October I'll be thoroughly disappointed.

My friend took my "before" photos and it was a riot. I decided to be 'creative' and make muscle man and cheeseball faces. I wonder how the Beachbody folks will take those. You have to send them in, and after your "after" photo, they'll send you a free t-shirt. Bonus. The only drawback was that I had trouble falling asleep, and last night I got about 2-3hours! I expected instead to sleep like a baby. Or was it subconscious trauma from the email hacker? The PMS perhaps? OR...too much caffeine? Hmmm?

Smobergirl

Day 459

Coffee and Dr. Oz

Oof, and emotional eating. This is why I don't like to buy bread. It's always in my kitchen calling my name. I just had some with spicy hummus after I ate the chocolate. I never learn from my blogs. j/k. I did have an emotional day in my head. Now I know better. I hope...

Before I forget I have to talk about the coffee dilemma, which I've been meaning to for months now but I keep forgetting to. I think I'll finally make the tea switch, I'm ready. Didn't I say a long time ago ago that I got a Dr. Oz email saying that one can lose 10 pounds from making the switch because coffee has acids which trigger cortisol levels? I could have sworn I did. So I want to experiment. Geez why did I get that yummy local bread round from Park Silly Market? Because it told me that everything was going to be alright. Ha. At least I have a Zumba class in the morning, kale in the fridge, and Insanity should be here no later than Tuesday.

I have some coffee in the pantry, which I could make into a shower scrub:

DIY Coffee Grounds Body Scrub
5 tsp. ground coffee (used coffee grounds are fine)
1 tsp. sugar or salt
2 tsp. essential oil (the site below recommends avocado but I may try olive oil)

Read more: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/diy-coffee-body-scrub.html#ixzz1V3tzegKx

I think I'll try that tonight and wash my hair-spray heavy head. I did the Bjork buns yesterday for Craft Lake City. You know I was pretty darned cute. Bets are all on PMS. I have to show you the photo of me trying on a crocheted bikini top made by my friend who wants to lend me a space for yoga classes! I can't believe I haven't told you that story. Coincidence, karma, call it what you will. It's a godsend! My friends keep asking where I teach (nowhere publicly) and when my next class is. I hope to get them out there. I think it will be amazing. I actually sure hope so anyway. You know when I called my AA friend tonight, he also said he started meditation nights to help others out. He told me why don't I do the same to get out of my own head and start helping others? Hmmm.

Okay now that I want to shower Bandit decides to finally snuggle with me on the couch. I did go to a pet adoption today. Do you want another buddy like Smokey or do you like being man of the house now? Only if I spoke Bandit.

So it's on. I'm done with coffee. I don't care if it's the bread or PMS talking. It makes me feel icky and irritable sometimes and what if it is actually producing cortisol and making me more squishy? We'll soon find out!

Smobergirl

Is the food eating you?

Hi there. It's been a while since I've blogged. My mom was in town and I was a bit occupied, and spoiled. There was so much going on in the week she was here. Craft and art events, shopping, Park City, eating...it was a blast! I got some nice jewelry and fun crafts. We went to the Park City Arts Festival, the farmer's market, and an event which I emceed one of the stages, Craft Lake City. The latter is a craft and artisan fair, all local, with 19 bands and two stages this year. This was the third annual and there were 180 crafters, 50 more than last year. I looked pretty, got a ton of complements, and felt like a princess. Then I got the stinkin thinkin' today. This is what went through my head: "My friends and musicians complemented me is because I'm a radio personality and they are always nice to my face. I really have a double chin, fat arms, and I'm not that smart and maybe people in the media hate me. They probably do. I hate my mean ex-ex boss and I wish I could tell him off. How could someone be so horrible? Why did I stay in radio if I'm such a dingbat? I wish I wasn't on Antabuse so I could have some wine. God I'm lonely. How could my neighbors say that they can't believe I don't have a boyfriend? I don't believe I don't have a boyfriend! What the heck?" Then I called an AA buddy, actually the person who got me the job at the internet station I'm at now. He did what he said people do to him, he calls someone, then gets back down to earth so to speak, and sees things in a more positive perspective. He's a guy who is brutally honest with me, that's why I called him. It was scary because I'm not even trusting myself. I wanted what's true about me through others, and it's like I couldn't even tell myself who I am. #1, I didn't trust. Not the stinkin' thinkin', but other than that every day I think I'm usually hot or thinner or doing a good thing or being a great example or being a fantastic pet owner. Then I see a photo of myself or friends tell me to get another cat or that it's impossible to get a book published or yoga teachers are like massage therapists and it all goes to pot. I like and never use that phrase "goes to pot". That's fun to say. So I call my friend I the first thing I say is "Hi, I'm in the dumps, you told me to call if I needed to." The last time I called him, I wanted to shut him off forever because he was pretty curt. He said yoga never solves anything and "What do you want me to say?" After I called in tears over a year ago. We were FBing last night and this comes out of his chat message, or email. hey it's BOTH now on Facebook. :) Love ya FB. He says, "" aw GAWD I forgot and lost the quote. Well it was something like "Really, you can always call me if you need to", like he meant it and maybe he knew he was a little too harsh and distant last time. I'm just pissed right now that I can't even trust my own love for myself. Now I'm gonna cry again. But the lesson is that I let the hate eat me.

And that's a metaphor get it??? (LMAO). I crack me up. During my yoga teacher training one of the teachers had a lecture on mindless eating, and addictions. What struck a chord for me, and helped me eat less, is him talking about how you keep eating things like popcorn or little snacks especially, and he said are you really eating the food at a certain point or does it start to eat you? "I had this pipe I really liked which I'd take a few puffs from about once a week. Then that turned into three times a week, then every day. Suddenly I found myself smoking this nice pipe instead of doing kalari or reading or meditating. It was also eating me." Sounds like someone I know who drank too much wine and smoked too many cigarettes. SO tonight I made a really nice dinner of grilled shrimp, corn, asparagus and cherry tomatoes. I baked sweet potato fries and served them with natural Moroccan catsup and dijon mustard. Then I had two chocolate-covered fruits and three raw macaroons. Too much. I emotionally ate the chocolate. I'm going to be okay. I need to take compliments and not rip myself apart. I need to get out of my head and stop thinking that people are not truthful to my face. They have no need to kiss my ass. Maybe the bands but...lol...I'm fine. Yeah maybe my period is right around the corner, thought about that one. At least the chocolate was either dark or vegan and raw. lol. And I had fruit. And I stopped at some point, ha. But that's your lesson too. Take compliments and don't let food or negative thinking eat you.

Love,

Smobergirl

Day 454