Trying to feel better today. Worked out with Gilad, had a healthy lunch, then the rush of shame came over me. I have an AA buddy who told me that's it's not up to others to understand. Usually only alchoholics understand alcoholics. You don't hold back when you drink too much. You cry, get into fights, fall down. I'm not a unique case. I just can't believe that I'm capable of being rude, usually after I black out, just for my own entertainment. I never did that in my college days. I was just like most students, out for a good time and if I had 5 Jager shots I would just pass out, and not turn into a jerk. That just started in my 30s. I think I have been disappointed in events, mainly career and romantic relationships, that I need to deal with on my own. I have to be so patient and have faith. Being a wino may have soiled my reputation with some. I know some have forgiven me and some I hurt too much. But I can't wave a magic wand and reverse any of it. But I can't go walking around with a bag over my head can I?



Iced white tea for breakfast, arugula, mozzerella, and tomato wrap, one wedge of cantalope wrapped in prosciutto. Iced coffee. I'm tackling drinking first then I'll work on the java. Hell even if I eat cheeseburgers every day. I need to focus on the one thing for now. Hey Borwdwngs thanks for the lifehacker link. I'm following that plan now!



~Smobergirl

Day 2

And it's a gorgeous one in the SLC!