Focus.

What do I really want? What do I need to do to be my best self? It is vital that I stop binge drinking. Without it, I am one of the nicest people I know, I am forgiving, peaceful, happy, silly, intelligent, creative, and passionate. Under the influence I am negatively passionate, feel like the world owes me one, send nasty emails, texts, blogs, etc.

I have to start taking this seriously, and no more excuses. There is no such thing as just one glass or three. Or I'll think I won't get out of control then I get into crazy drunk mode and want to tell someone off, or black out and do something stupid.

Now, my friends are shocked by this, because it's my personality turned around a 180. Most of them said I didn't seem like a smoker to them also. I'm this happy health-conscience, caring, driven, creative being by day, and Ms. Hyde by night. Is there a reason for it that I need to figure out, or do I do it just to feel good? Jebus, I should have done this on post #1. I think lonliness is a big issue for me. But if I make goals to transform myself, plus be more social, I am more than likely to find new friends and a potential love interest. I need to take that seriously as well. I can get the free entertainment papers and find social events. I already subscribed to a singles thing with the symphony, but there are 5 for the year and quite spread out. However, the first one was a fabulous time.

I actually have achieved a lot since starting this blog:

1. I lost a few pounds and I'm getting compliments on my skin from eating less dairy, breads, and no or occasional fried foods; and of course drinking and smoking less.

2. I no longer think I'm an idiot. In fact I am perfectly normal and even pretty awesome.

3. I'm back to being creative in the kitchen and being selective where I eat out.

4. I am keeping my living space clean and a safe haven.

5. I am back to doing spa activities at home. Saving money yet taking care of myself.

6. Drinking more tea and less coffee.

That's not too shabby. Things to work on:

1. Not feeling so damn lonely.

2. Not feeling like a victim.

3. More exercise

4. Work on more 'feel good' (healthy) foods. That was the main experiment goal to feel better.

5. Do not put toxins or bad food into my body that make me feel sad, heavy, or nervous.

I started last week walking the treadmill 30 minutes a day, either at once or 15 minutes twice a day. Then I add Gilad, the Bowflex, or yoga on top of that. I also started drinking a scoop of green powder a day. It doesn't taste horrible if I add lemon to it, and I just feel better when I drink it. Greens Plus is a good brand, but currently I am using Whole Foods greens blend, Garden Greens Berry Splash (tastes fruity and not grassy), and Amazing Meal Chocolate Infusion (I like to put that in my smoothies). I discovered green powder at that yoga bootcamp three years ago, and Baron would have us chant, "Grass grass up the ass!". You had to have been there.

So as the Skinny Bitches say (www.skinnybitch.net), I need to stop being a 'pussy' (that's what they said!) and just start taking care of myself. So there you go. Focus, eat well to boost my mood, eliminate toxins, exercise, make goals, stop being a pussy. :)

Love,

Smobergirl

Day two