Starting over, with an excuse.

There is always a trigger or an excuse. Tonight I had both. My mom is in town for the holiday, and all night she either had wine in a to-go cup, or ordered wine at dinner. My problem is that I lead her to believe I'm not drinking or smoking. I don't tell her that I'm tempted when she does. I pretend to be the good example. If I didn't drink tonight I'd see her, my brother, and his fiance drink all afternoon and smoke on my balcony tomorrow, then cave when they leave, especially if there is any vino left. And there's a gas station somewhere open on Thanksgiving where I can get cigarettes. Here's the excuse part: Ta da, if I give in today that means I'll quit Thanksgiving! I'll be free forever and what a day to quit. Yeah, then there's Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, the first of April, my birthday...

Tonight at least I'm drinking a glass of water in between each glass of petit sirah. I'll probably feel like crap tomorrow, but I'm trying to take care of my body a little but better with this relapse.

I know what's going on. My friends praise me for me being aware of my situation. Great! Fabulous! Now I need to get to the spot when I actually walk my talk and they say, "Wow! You did it!".

Tonight I bought my Capris and told my friend the local small grocery store clerk that I quit tomorrow. He also wants to quit. So I can't get cigs there anymore, but of course there will be other places that I can get them. Should I post it on Facebbook, call every convenience store, liquor and wine store, and smoke shop in Utah saying, "Don't let me buy this crap anymore!"? LOL Well maybe I can.

Now, my mother did bring an extra vapor inhaler. She got it for her best friend who said she wanted one, then changed her mind. My mom is hoping my brother and his fiance want to quit, and will offer it to them tomorrow. I could corner her first before they come over, and tell her the truth and ask for it. Then I could drink wine at night and use that...baby steps...or use it during the day and at night with no wine. What's a girl to do.

Good night my friends. This has to be my last relapse.

~Smobergirl tomorrow